Did you ever feel completely (or pretty close) alone in a marriage? and what did you do about it?

Question

Like maybe the spouse didn't seem "into" you anymore but was just kind enough to get thru the day and avoid conflict. even if you wanted to address certain issues, they were in a perpetual state of denial and refused to believe anything was wrong or had the same desire as you to improve things in the relationship.......and u even wanted marital counseling but they weren't truely interested because they were so blocked off by their feelings and the only thing they believed were important in a marriage was eating, working, saving money and very little to no sex, and hardly EVER wanting to go out.....(well maybe just once in awhile "to shut you up" but not really having that mutual desire to explore and have fun on any level except make fun of people all the time.
I'm so tired of being ignored and patronized constantly. No we do not have children but have 16 yrs. together, family history, and that's it.
I've exhausted almost all efforts here. I'm tired.....and very lonely.

Answer 1

40 years married I hear you,we try to talk but i find my friends listening more to me.Yeah we love each other but things get old hat.Find a hobby,friends,or sit down and try to talk,I try but he'd rather read the paper.

Answer 2

Been there done that!!! I was married for almost 10 years, things went south after about four years. I stayed for all the typical reasons... the kids, the church, the now non-exsistent stigma of divorcing. I ended up getting into a long distance relationship and when it finally came out to my husband, and he finally saw he was losing his wife due to his neglect, he seemed to wake up and see what he was doing wrong. But by then I was already in love with the other man... I'm now remarried and my current husband is well aware of the neglect I was subjected to and is very careful about making sure I never have to feel that way again. The worst thing you can do is nothing...You die a little everyday inside.
I chose to live...and love!

Answer 3

I'm currently in a similar situation. With so many years invested and being over 50 it would be nearly impossible for me to find someone else, as i would lose everything i've accumulated if we were to divorce.

While am retired and wife works, i go out and about during the day and meet other people for coffee and such to an including females. We might even attend a movie or something but no sex.

It's the only thing other than my hobbies that i can do to keep from going stark raving mad.

Answer 4

My first marriage was a complete mistake. Me and the guy were alike in many ways, but yet so different. After my daughter was born, he never took part in her care and everything rested upon me. It soon became overwhelming, and we ended up seperating. I divorced is sorry a$s and never looked back. My daughter is now 5 years old, and he has yet to acknowledge the fact that he's a father.

Sound advice, communication is a must. You have to be able to communicate with your mate and be able to talk about any and everything. Let you mate know how you feel and how concerned you are about your relationship. If that can't be respected and honoured, then maybe you're with the wrong man.

Answer 5

I have to tell you the impression I got when I read that. And I will catch hell because I am a bad influence. Having warned you of that, it sounds to me that your marriage is already dead technically, but someone put it on a respirator and you are stuck in a crisis. I say family or no family, Bail!! You can't make love to her family in her absentia. And you sure don't want to get stuck someday with child support and visitation rights. Sorry if that depresses you. But you already spent 16 years to end up feeling unwanted and unappreciated. Why add any more years to THAT? I Was Born to Reject Rejection! Good Luck!! @8-)

Answer 6

Sounds like a case of growing apart. I can understand the 2 strangers walking around in one house sydrome. Prayer, is what guided me to make my final chioce. I've been married twice. If I do it again, I will live with the man for at least 3 years. Then I might think about the "I do" thing.
Only you can come up with the answer to, what is best for you.
God Bless you in all you do.

Answer 7

I feel that way everyday. in my house hold though its more like he throws the "wife" card at me but "husband" is not in his vocab!
Like he says your the wife(woman) you need to clean cook take care of the kids serve me and do any/everything I say and shut up and like it (really he says that) While I being the "MAN"(husband) of the house I get to sit around and play on the PC, cheat on you, hit on you, talk down and bad about you and not take care of my family. He is still living the single life while he expects me to live the married one. He takes me nowhere does nothing with me and never allows me to just leave the house. But he can leave when he wants and comes home when he wants. Again because I am the only one married in this marriage. It really is unfair and hurtful. I am alone all day (with two kids under 3) and never anyone to just talk to. So this relationship is very lonely for one of us that is. The other still has his life!

Answer 8

Yes, unfortunately. Marriage can be a very lonely place. I've been married for 8yrs. I left my husband the 4th yr of our marriage. I was depressed I didn't even really know why I was leaving. I now know that I left because of a very emotionally hurtful situation that occured in our home. I just couldn't continue to live there with the constant reminder especially when he wasn't there to support me like I so needed then. Well It didn't help to leave, he followed me and our problems continue to this day, we are really considering divorce. All I know is that its hard being alone when you really want companionship, but its even harder when you're married and have no companionship at all, not even sleeping in the same bed together. I've made up my mind that I'm tired of living this way, he stays out all night, he doesn't respect me or our marriage. I told him today that we need to file for divorce when we get our tax money. I can't have a peaceful mind living like this with my husband so I would rather be a lonely 30yr old woman that has peace just being a good mother to my kids than to continue to live with a marriage like the one I have now. If we aren't together, I don't have to worry about him not coming home because then it wouldn't be any of my business. My mind can be at peace. We both contributed to the failing of our marriage, we look back over the many mistakes, we try to move forward, but the hurt feelings keep stopping us in our tracks. When I'm feeling like giving the relationship my all, he wants nothing to do with me, and when he feels like giving it his all, I want nothing to do with him. We've gone through this vicious cycle for over 2 yrs now and I am just tired. Like I said I'd rather be alone than continue to live in this marriage the way it is now. I can't depend on anyone else to make me happy but myself. That's why I'm considering divorce. I'm not ever going to find peace or happiness with my marriage like this. It's hard for me to even believe in marriage anymore. Is there really such a thing as a happy sucessful marriage? I'm not talking about just pretending to have a good marriage or just putting up with things that you know aren't right just because you've been married for 30yrs. What do you think?

Answer 9

You need to tell her that Harold. Putting what you've said on a note to her might just give you the breakthrough you need. She may be feeling the same. I'm no relationship expert but open communication certainly keeps things interesting.

Answer 10

Years ago yes but not any more... I think you need to talk to your spouse about how you are feeling and why. You may also be depressed so visit a doctor and get tested for depression and have a complete physical done. You may need medication or something and may i also suggest you go to counseling for how you feel.