He is kind of a rebel without a cause, still we happen to have good communication between each other. He's only 12 and he's kind of wondering why he looks so different from the rest of us...
2007-02-05 09:51:25 · 51 answers · asked by Kiera B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know I'm going to get a lot of thumbs down for this, but I wouldn't bother. There's really no need to. It'll just make him feel singled out as different somehow. He's YOUR child. He has TWO parents, not four. That's all he needs to know. I don't really buy into the "medical history" thing. As long as he gets good regular medical exams, then that won't really help any more. If he ever finds out and asks you why you didn't tell him, simply say "Because it wasn't an issue." It shouldn't be. There's way too much hysteria in this society about telling children about being adopted. The bigger a deal you MAKE out of it, the bigger a deal it will BE.
2007-02-05 09:55:23 · answer #1 · answered by Jess H 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Being adopted myself, I say, by all means, tell your son he is adopted. I am wondering why you haven't told him before this. Sit him down soon & tell him he was adopted. You want to make him feel that he was adopted because he was/is special to you. Spare any details about his adoption, that may be unpleasant for him right now. Be honest & up front with him when he comes to you with questions in the future. He has a right to know the truth or there could be repercussions down the road. If this was not an inter family adoption, then you know that the day will come when he asks about his birth parents. That's only normal, so again, be honest & open with him. If the day ever comes & he says he wants to look for his birth parents, provided they're still alive, support him in his quest. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it's just normal. I speak from experience with what I have advised you to do. This all has to be handled delicately, but always let your son know how much you love him & how happy you are that you adopted him. Adopted children often think they're bad or something is wrong with them which led to them being put up for adoption, so he needs to always be assured that, that wasn't the case & that he's special. Hug your son daily & the same with any other children you may have. Good luck!
2007-02-05 10:46:53 · answer #2 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well coming from my husband and best friend that were given up for adoption and my mom giving up my brother for adoption before I was born I would say yes. However I think it would had been better to have done this earlier, as twelve is a tender age. Be prepared that he will most likely eventually do a search for his bio mom but rest assured NO ONE, even her, can take your place, he is your son not her's anymore. I found my brother for my mom and while we are slowly building a relationship with him he still feels loyal to his adopted mom. Remember you were there for all the boo boos and tears and raising, not her and he will know that. I feel all adoptions should be open because I know a lot of adopted people that have an obsessive need to know their blood family whether they are good or bad.
2007-02-05 10:05:26 · answer #3 · answered by Destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES..do tell him, but, becareful about the timing. He may all ready feel like he does not belong in the family or anywhere else.
Also, you have to be ready for him to go through ALL the emoitons finding out your adopted means, and the questions that will follow. But, in your son's case I think it would benefit him more than hurt him. If he comes to you and wants to contact his parents, I would depending on what you know of them, help try.
It maybe what he needs right now.
Although you need to be very careful with this situation and put a lot of thought into how your going to tell him. Mkae sure you tell him the whole story. Not half of it. Include why you adopted him, and everything.
2007-02-05 09:57:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It will be best to tell him the truth. Someday he may find out and probably hold a grudge against someone as to why he was not informed of his adoption. The rebel stage eventually will go away and perhaps if he is told the truth he may want to find his birth parents and have a relationship with them or know if he has other brothers and sisters out there.
2007-02-05 09:56:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably should have told him this at a younger age, 12 is probably a hard age to deal with something like this I would wait at this point until hes 18 or 21...teenagers have enough changes to go thru and deal with, let him mature first. A more mature person would be able to handle the news more rational than a 12 yr old, even if they are upset.
2007-02-05 10:45:43 · answer #6 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why haven't you told him until now? I think you should "come clean" sooner rather than later; if he's "wondering" already, he will find out for sure when he gets older, and might forever be resentful of you. Adoption is no shame; my father-in-law was adopted, and had known that his whole life; my boss' two kids are adopted (5 and 8), they are aware of it, and it's not causing a problem. I think, the earlier the child is made aware of this fact the better.
2007-02-05 09:58:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and tell him. He already suspects, so confirm it before someone with a big mouth that has no business telling him does. There is no shame here. In fact, it is so beautiful to be able to tell someone that you CHOOSE to love them when they were small and helpless, have kept the promise and always will.
Be prepared to tell all you know about his birth parents. Encourage him to see it as they loved him too much to keep him when they couldn't manage a good life for him, rather than they rejected him and gave him away. Praise the birth parent for giving you the greatest gift of love unselfishly. His esteem will be at stake, so he will need this verbalized.
Good luck.
Thank you for being one of the wonderful people in the world who opened their hearts and homes to a child originally not their own.
2007-02-05 09:57:22 · answer #8 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well try to sit with him private you and him in the room...and explain to him how much you love him and no matter what happens you would love him like all of his brothers....and tell him the truth..he may react a little but keep talking to him and you have to prove how much you love him so he can realy feel that he is part of the family and always treat him like the rest..even if hes adopted but he's still your kid. its better to tell him now because he is young but if you wait untill he's older it will be hard for him, and you never know!!! he would be a teenager and he might run away or something..but now its the good time because you can still control him...and kids like to see there mother loveing them so much even though ur not his real mom..but trust me it will work :)
good luck
2007-02-05 10:02:53 · answer #9 · answered by hot_kissmwa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At some time of course he should be told but I'd think at this time in his life it would be bad timing, the teen years are hard enough, but of course it depends on the individual child, he could be ready. If you do just make sure and tell him how you choose to adopt him because you knew he was special. I'd also consider having a counselor close by, just in case he has a hard time with it. My older sister was adopted at birth and was told when she was 13. She was already rebellious and learning that just pushed her over the edge, she became very violent and hateful for years. Now that she's an adult things have changed but her teen years and 20's were awful for her. Good luck
2007-02-05 10:00:02 · answer #10 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋