I have dated a married man for 8 months. He just left his wife after she found out about me. He is living with his parents, whom know the relationship. He has older children from a first marriage, and they love me. He also has a 8 year old from this marriage. He has chosen to sorta ignore me now. The phone calls slowed and so has his presence. He said it is to protect me and his son. He doesn't want to tell his son the truth. Why do they do this? Is this just a transition period? Will he ever be with me, in a new life? We had plans to move to Florida in July, 2007. He said he still plans to go. Do I give him space and time and see what happens? Please help!!
2007-02-05 09:28:17 · 28 answers · asked by Kim J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She confronted him about me. He told her the truth. He has not been "around" her for years. When she is home, he is not. They argued 24/7. He has increased his call volume to me, and does include me in his future. He has even started his own business and included me on the lease, license, etc. I don't think he is running away, he just needs time to think.
2007-02-05 10:53:50 · update #1
UPDATE TO YOUR UPDATE:
Fantastic that he has increased his call volume to you in the past 5 hours since your wrote your original tale of woe....NOt only does no one believe that, you have just proved that you both deserve each other since you lie to justify his! We both (and everyone reading your update does too) know that he has NOT increased his call volume to you in the past 5 hours. But even if he did call you twice in the aforementioned time does that negate the original feeling that made you write in the first place.
If so, that just means that you will be stupid for that much longer! In the end the script NEVER changes, sure sometimes it is the understudy and sometimes it is the lead actress but it ALWAYS ends the same, the lead in this play breaks hearts wherever he goes....
Sure his wife was a bytch (according to him) sure they never spent time together (consider the source of your information!!!), sure you are different, sure he has never felt this way and sure he is convincing when he said those things to you (just look at how much practice he has had)
IF the marriage was so terrible, then why did she even bother to confront him and put him out?
Why didnt he care so much that he had to start "protecting" everyone?
Why did he have to wait for her to confront him?
why didnt he have the balls to tell her himself (he owed her that much for being married for at least eight years)? (shows the kind of coward he is)
Why didnt he just run to your arms?
why didnt he move in with you (assuming that YOU dont live with your mom too)?
Dont answer here since you will probably lie again on here to keep yourself from looking like the damn fool everyone on here knows that you are, but seriously ask YOURSELF these "WHYS"
and why you are at it, ask yourself why YOU have to lie about him to your coworkers (you couldn't possibly have any family or friends)
The answer is really simple and we both know what it is in this case!
THen ask yourself this
If he did sleep with her do you think HE would tell you?
If they had a great night, evening, holiday, birthday celebration would he tell you?
LIES by ommission are also lies
Remember that when you find out that he has been calling her again and saying it is just about the kid! Remember that when he says he has to work late and when he tells the next concubine that he isnt with YOU!
As for him putting you on his (insert the lies he told you here), be sure not to take his word for it since his word is not much good as we both know. I am also curious as to how he could do all of this without a word from you. I am having a very hard time believing that he just forged your name and placed you on his business (well he IS a liar so maybe this is not that hard to believe after all)
IF anyone can just put anyone on a business and make them liable, wont everyone in the nursing homes have some failed business on their credit? YOu might want to pull your credit report.
There might be some other things you have been added to too!
but assuming that it is true and it is all legit (as legit as a liar can make it) , I think that is fantastic too, since you are responsible for breaking up the marriage, why shouldnt you bear equal responsibility in paying his debt to her....She is going to take him to the cleaners and since you (think) you are on his business then you will share the financial liability for alimony and child support!
Not sure what state you are in but businesses started in the marriage are ASSETS and she is entitled to half of it so dont put up too much 'idiot money' unless you feel like sharing it with her too!
If (which everyone reading your update highly doubts), he did actually put you on these things, expect to be the one paying for them and expect the 'if you love me you will' line since he wont have any extra money now
and for the record, since it is all out in the open anyway, why not give her a call and see what the REAL story is....bet you will be back on this forum in tears when she tells you that they had sex last week and that she has caught him cheating several times before and that the same lies he told to you, he told to his second wife about the first one. WOW, you are a real piece of work.
Is your mother still alive?
Does she approve of your whorish behavior?
I am sure you dont go to church, you couldnt!
Have you NO friends to give you the wake up smack?
Dont answer, we all know the answer including YOU!
DO EVERYONE A FAVOR and dont get pregnant. When you think about the 8 year old's life that you destroyed KNOW that that will be YOUR child should you choose to have one with him....
P.S. I would bet you dollars to donuts (you name the amount) that he wont marry YOU!
NO way no how will he jump out of the frying pan into the fire!
THIS IS THE END OF MY UPDATE TO YOUR UPDATE!
*************************************
LMAO
of course he is ignoring you.
He probably thinks that you are the one who told his wife!
His wife is probably trying to take him to the cleaners in the seperation agreement so he has no choice other than to live with his mom.
Furthermore, he also probably feels bad for ruining his marriage because he wanted to have some sexual fun with you!
YOu were a stupid piece of easy azz!
Sure maybe you and he talked for hours etc, but at the end of the day, it was about sex
most days (if you are honest with yourself), he screwed you and went home to HIS FAMILY!
Now that he is single he has a whole world of women to choose from why on earth would he pick you? He knows what kind of woman you are and he SETTLED for you in the first place.
Do you really think that a woman with any self respect/esteem/anything on the ball, would have dated and played second fiddle to his wife...
(in case you are wondering, the answer is HELL NO!)
Of the few women that *might* have, None of them would have waited around for 8 months...
Married men have a limited window of women who will put up with him being a lying cheater.
Since he is NOT that anymore, he can have his pick of DECENT women if he cant convince his wife to come back.
A decent woman wants to be able to call her man.
She wants him to call her and not have to have him whisper on the phone. She wants him to be able to do things with her and to be able to be seen with her.
They would NEVER put up with the crap that you did. He KNOWS this and deep down inside, you know it too!
Now that he is single he does not have to SETTLE for second best! He can find someone without such low selfesteem that she was settle for someone else's trash.
he can pick from ANYONE
He used you to help him thru a 'tuff time'.
Hope you pick better next time.
YOu already know that his 'protect his son and protect you speech' was bullshyt!
If the son is 8 years old, how in the hell would he know that his dad was talking to you or even visiting you for that matter. MIghty funny that it wasnt an issue when he was lying and sneaking around before.
I am surprised to hear that he told such a stupid lie to you and you believed it
but then again, no i am not, I cannot imagine all the lies he told you to keep you on the yo yo while he made love to his wife every week for the eight months that you were 'dating'
P.s. The apple does not fall far from the tree, if his parents knew about you, they are scum too and they would have gladly lied to the next honey when he cheated on you.
He did you a favor! My sympathies go out to his son! IT MUST SUCK to have a dad with such low character and I am sure that he would NEVER accept you after what you did to his mom and his life.
Sominex?
Nytol?
After helping your 'boyfriend' do this to an innocent child,
please tell us what the two of you use to sleep at night?
2007-02-05 09:41:00 · answer #1 · answered by lisa s 6 · 10⤊ 1⤋
He stopped calling you to protect you and his son
Bwaaaaaah, Haaaaaaaaaa!
(slapping leg)
Was that the best lie he could come up with.
Why wasnt he worried about protecting his kid when he was committing adultery with YOU?
now all of the sudden he has an attack of morals when the worst is out?
PLEASE
you know you dont believe that
I guess you wrote this question to verify what you already know
IT IS OVER!
HE USED YOU
He was obviously able to lie better than THAT to keep you around and his wife in the dark....
I am amazed that that was the best 'truth' that he could come up with.
I am sure that he does not have custody of his 8 year old.
Average 8 year old goes to bed between 8pm and 9pm.
Since you were used to sneaking around with him well after that anyway, why again cant he come over or at least call you after that?
YOu have been getting lied to him so much that you cant even spot the lies even when they are so silly that they dont make sense.
BE Real with yourself for a change!!!
YOU KNOW WHY he has stopped calling you and coming around!
I believe I will be the 30th person to tell you that YOU WERE A STUPID PIECE OF AZZ!
YOU LOSE
he doesnt want you and he never did!
HE LIKED HIS PENIS GETTING SUCKED
and all of the other stuff his wife didnt have time to do because she was washing his dirty underwear and being a mother to his son!
DON't BELIEVE us,
why dont you just call his mother and ask HER!
2007-02-05 10:21:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Kim, I hate to have to tell you this, but you brought this karma on yourself, Honey. Married, means married. You should have respected those boundaries. Ask yourself this. Do you want a man you could steal from someone else? What makes you think he won't do it to you? Are you really that blind? Perhaps he's got more than just you on the sidelines and that's why he's ignoring you, but feeding you this garbage about "protection" the same way he probably hid and lied about his relationship with you to his wife. Do you want to be the wife that gets the shaft later? You really should find someone UNATTACHED that can love you, really love you, and build your relationship with them on a solid foundation instead of starting it all out on such an ugly note like this. Also...how can you both ever really trust each other? I think you're headed for the heartbreak of your life if you pursue this fool.
2007-02-05 09:34:59 · answer #3 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this: Would he have left on his own if she hadn't found out about you (and probably kicked him out, truth be told)? If you really look at this, you will see that he now has freedom to be with many women, and after a marriage, that is sometimes very attractive to a man. He wants to play. You were just a diversion, now he can have as many, um, playmates as he wants. I'd cut ties. If he really wanted to be with you, nothing would stand in the way.
2007-02-05 09:38:29 · answer #4 · answered by Lotus 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
coming at you from a man's point of view:
you said in the intro that he left his wife for you,
what you should have written was that he got PUT OUT because is wife found out about you.
HUGE DIFFERENCE!
If he left for you, he would be with you.
If you left because of being discovered, he may or may not blame you but he was obviously NOT ready to go and realizes that what he gave up was not worth what he might have with you.
A good piece of azz does not make a good wife.
YOu were not worth missing the opportunity to tuck his son in every night
Every time he looks at you/talks to you he will be reminded of that
IN case you missed the other 24 posts, ITS OVER!
MOVE ON!
2007-02-05 09:59:01 · answer #5 · answered by onestepbeyond 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
how do u know he is not back with the wife? if he wasn't he could still come over if he was at his parents house. he is protecting his wife and his family, yes give him time but don't hold your breath, as u shouldn't be surprised he was married and belonged to someone else. the children from the first marriage are not affected by this, but the boy by the present wife would be. he has gone back to his family, and u need to respect that, and not be a homeworker, and learn from this most hurtful experience, as some men do have a conscience and do sometimes realize they are wrong.
2007-02-05 09:36:54 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What did you expect? A cheater, a liar - you got what you wanted, right? Hopefully he has smartened up and will move on to a better life. You wrecked his marriage; now don't wreck the rest of his life.
I'm sure all the women on this forum would love to thank you for being such a traitor to your gender....
2007-02-05 12:56:01 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly it took the wife 8 months to find out about you? how sad. noone should let theirself be the "other woman" believe me been there done that. i was having an affair for 4 yrs with a married man and in the end he just went back with her anyways. if he doesnt file for divorce right away then there is still feelings involved. its not a money issue cause there is free legal aid for low income people. people that remain married usually end up back together. sorry. you were a fun fling. and its over. if he wants you tell him to divorce and be with you. good luck
2007-02-05 09:38:34 · answer #8 · answered by grniz07 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you should have never started committing adultery with another womans husband in the first place! there's a word for nasty women like you, and home wrecker isn't it.
you should be ashamed of yourself. you obviously have no respect for yourself, or other peoples marriages. and he's probably ignoring you because he misses his wife and realizes what a huge mistake he's made. leave him alone, you've done enough already.
you need to start concentrating your time and efforts on getting your own life straightened out because as of right now, it's a huge mess, and you've got no one to blame for that but yourself.
2007-02-05 10:02:27 · answer #9 · answered by atiana 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is because he really did not love you in the first place and now he is doing to you what he did to his wife and marriage. He seems like a selfish guy to me. Dump him and move on with your life. You deserve better then this. He is just using you for some booty. He is ashamed of you too since he has not told his son about you! This will only get worse...
2007-02-05 09:37:56 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you know that you should never be with someone that you cheated with? >THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT TOO YOU!
but aside from that maybe he is seeing this break from his wife as a new found freedom and doesn't wanna jump into something else right away. Just hang back a little and see if he comes to you. If not you may have been a scapegoat outta a marriage he wanted out of. Or he might be trying to get back with wife number 2. Just play it cool and allow him the time he needs to understand what he wants, you don't wanna be in the same situation as his wife is one day so let him think it out.
2007-02-05 09:34:28 · answer #11 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋