Have you ever taken back a cheater?

Question

What was the outcome?

Answer 1

Yes I have on several different occasions but only one time that I am truly sure of...
It went something like this... I was 25 at the time and a mom of 2... We had a still born in between the two... He drank everyday and played golf every chance he could. He cut me off sexually, stopped taking me out and when I'd ask him to spend time w/ me -he'd peel out calling me a nagging b*tch.
I looked damn good for having kids and kept/keep myself "pretty" 24/7...
I also cooked and was a good mom.

Well, he started comparing me to other women... Mainly (so & so drives a suv) well so & so also had a hubby who gave a crap!
These comparisons went on for so long that OF COURSE I started getting that gut feeling and started accusing him.Only to be called terrible names.

Well, they got a new secretary at his construction job (He would NOT tell me her name)and her hubby was stationed in IRAQ as a marine. She had 1 kid by him, but 3 other kids from some other man who had custody of them. Well she and my hubby started confiding in each other and one saturday morning he told me he was going to work.
That day, clueless and needing a break from the kids, I called my mom to babysit that evening... I got ready early so I would be ready when he got home. I waited and waited and waited. At 7PM, he called me from a payphone DRUNK and said can I come home? I said why what'd you do? He said NOTHING your being paranoid.
He walked in 20 minutes later, I smelled a woman on him and confronted him. He SCREAMED at me, telling me I was nuts. So, I took the kids to my moms and b4 I left I told him to be ready to go to dinner when I got back from dropping the kids off. (we only had one car, so I had to wait on him and he me)... Okay, I was gone 45 MINUTES. I came home and he was no where to be found, so I drove the streets looking for him,and after about an hour of looking for him, I went home, looked around the house again and then something told me to hit redial on the phone. I did and she answered. It was then that I found out her name and although I did not know they already screwed (she told him she had no one to help him move, so he volunteered and the nastyu b*tch came on to him, he being a looser went along with it)
Okay, so she hangs up on me. This went on for 3 sleepless days/nights.
On the 3rd day, he came to pick up his car and stuff. Oh we also rented and I was a housewife... So when he came back, he packed his **** & said he was moving in w/her and he did. Me & the 2 kids had 10 days to pack the house & leave as I could not afford 1200.00 rent -& we had no car.
So I get this BRIGHT idea to move to where his family lives, and his family helped me by giving us a place to stay & I got a job TYPING of all things! 14 bucks an hour! So 6 weeks later, he leaves this woman after I bug him so much. Oh god I did some stupid things. I was so understanding & nice even when SHE would call me, yeah they flaunted it in my face.
So when he came to me 6 weeks later, I did not know him. He told me he was a hot man who could get anyone and all kinds of other BS.
I slept with him and did every damn thing he wanted of me, but he still would tell me about the hot girls he was meeting. (He lived w/ another family member) Well, then he started talking me down to his family) They all being drunks, encouraged him to drink & party... I sat home w/ the kids as these NASTY people started crap in my very fractured marriage. Well 6 mo. later I moved out, and after 9 months he FINALLY wanted me back. It was hell b/c I was the one calling him crying, he being VERY mean to me & never around.
I went back... We had another baby in 2004... But he continued to leave me, talk trash about me, spend the night w/buddies (he's 33) and just bring really sleazy people in our life. I left again in NOV 1st of 2005 to move to my moms w/ 3 kids.... Again, I would call him and he was always at the bar and his family would go to great lengths to cover his butt. Well I finally talked him back last January. It's been 5 years since his initial affair and 1 year without a break and we fight daily. He still tells me details of his women, he still cuts me off sexually and he still calls me terrible names. I'm 30 now, will be 31 next week. I doubt he'll remember my birthday, lord knows he forgot our 10 year anniversary last month. It's terrible. I love him, but he hurts me so much. I feel so brain washed. Oh and he has now turned his family against me, which is even worse b/c they question everything I do. I mean I can make a damn dress by hand and they will find something crappy to say and I am a good seamstress, good cook, good wife, good lover, good mom...

Oh by the way. The woman was not even pretty. She was tall with no shape and no boobs. I am 5'7, a size 4, 36C and a pretty face.
She was everything he said he despised in a woman. Cheater, lost custody of her kids, drug habits? Oh and this girl also was sleeping for money with another married man who's wife was pregnant. Oh and he took my 2 kids to her house. Yes they all pulled up in my drive way as a family in her car to get my kids 3 days after he screwed her.
I'll never get over this. I have tried so hard to be forgiving and move on, but the reality is: everytime he isn't in the mood - I take offense... Everytime he talks about her or any of the other women he dated when we were apart, I get upset. He says I'm insecure, I say maybe I've been going in this circle too long. I feel so helpless all the time. I mean he doesn't even support us, we get our utilities shut off all the time b/c he plays golf at least 4 days a week on a construction workers salary. We have no health or dental and never any care. We usually live off 20 to 30 bucks a week in groceries. We have no assets, but he did manage to run up 12K in BAD UNPAID utilitity bills in my name over the past 10 years and he has a 40K IRS debt he refuses to take care of. I pray daily for him to see the light. I have NEVER stepped out even when we were separated. I do not have friends, I do not go anywhere except to the grocery store and to take the kids to school. And I'm still a size 4, and I still put my make-up on every day and yet he still ignores me and refuses to take me out anywhere. On a good note, he did stop drinking last Easter, which THRILLS ME, b/c when he was drinking he tended to come onto family memebers and other people. Now he just prefers the mags over me, and at age 30, that is a HUGE BLOW to my self esteem, if I even have any left.
This man puts me down in every way possible and as of this morning he did call me insecure because I got offended when he told me how hot his friends wife butt is... His friends probably don't even know he neglects me in every possible way. He is so full of pride and he thinks every woman wants him and he thinks I am just demading wanting a bank account, health ins. a wedding ring and to set family goals. He still blames me for HIS choices and he still BLAMES me for him working in construction??? DUMB!
Yet, he still says that I'm repulsive and that he's had better.
And it's just so love/hate.
One day he loves me, the next 6 days he hates me.
So I would say no, don't take him back. Save yourself this VERY painful drama.

Answer 2

Yes I did...I took my ex back when he cheated...not once but 3 times....by the third time I guess he thought because I kept on taking him back I was giving him permission to do it again. I believed he loved me...he acted like he did. I believed him when he said he would never do it again. What he should have said was that he will try to not let me find out again. I dont believe once a cheater always a cheater...I hate that saying, in my case it was true, but there are a lot of cases where a man/woman cheats for a particular reason, and when that reason is worked on, a better understanding and sometimes even a deeper love can exist. Everyone is different,....people cheat for all sorts of reasons....you have to work out why he./she cheated in the first place.

My situation was totally different...he was a sexual deviate...I didnt know that before I married him. He had lots of issues, and this may sound funny, but I believe he still loves me...he just has massive problems. I guess you have to ask yourself can you take him back....can you make it work? It can work, but you cant just take him back without any consequences....at least insist on going to counselling before you tell him you will take him back. Let him stew a little bit...give him a few conditions before you give him the big yes. Try counselling, it has helped lots of other marriages who were in trouble.

Answer 3

I have. Things were pretty rocky for awhile because I didn't trust him and a couple more times i found out he hung out with her and he "said" he didn't do anything. But now she is completly out of the picture and he hasn't done it since. It all depends on the guy or girl. You can't say once a cheater always a cheater because I cheated on a few of my boyfriends before and I haven't with this one and we've been together for almost 4 years.

Answer 4

My husband. I must of took him back, well I lost count after he cheating 10 times. I kick him out for about a month. He come crying back for forgiveness. During this time he was taking me for granted he just knew that I would never get involved with someone else and I didn't. Until this last time he did it.Last year. The outcome was I find someone in starting a relationship with someone new. And month a half of cheating he thought that he could come back but the joke was on him. I wasn't letting him come back, I had someone new in my life. And I wasn't going to give that up. For want for he could cheat on me again and again. No thank you. Lots of people told me I should wait until my divorce is final. I wouldn't but I meet this new man by chance. And he not a cheater he good to me. Anyways that outcome, my soon to be ex husband lost his family for good. I will never go back to him. In he still goes crying he wants me back. This time I believe him, because there's a new man in my life. He thought that I would of never moved on. In the girl he was cheating on me with, was he's best friend girlfriend. who is a coke head. My husband was there just for fun/games. But now he knows you can't keep playing with people, one day there going to get tried in move on. And that's what I did. In now he's unhappy. And for the first time am happy in 10yrs. He should of never cheating. He still have his wife/family.

Answer 5

NO, NO and NO. even even with the actuality that I do have self belief human beings can change, stats have shown that maximum persons do no longer. i imagine I examine someplace that a persons' personality is stepped forward with assistance from the age of four--i do not understand how authentic it truly is, yet that is what has been positioned available. At any fee, maximum cheaters do no longer change o.ok.? they could be truthful for awhile for countless causes, notwithstanding it is no longer about in the adventure that they are going to cheat, it is even as they are going to cheat. Plus, even as the different better 1/2 takes the cheater decrease back time and time back, why ought to the cheater turn far flung from dishonest? i'd devour my words later, yet so some distance I actually have not in any respect taken a cheater decrease back and that i do not imagine I ever will. there is too a lot at stake in case you do. you may sense more effective having taken the cheater decrease back for countless causes---perchance you've been lonely, perchance you took that human being decrease back because, even with the dishonest time and time back, you nevertheless imagine that someplace contained in the destiny that human being will change. look, you merely have a short era time in this earth and also you ought to stay each day as even if it is your very last because, tomorrow isn't promised to any persons, with that being suggested, why waste your useful years (esp. your youthful years) on a cheater? Why wait round for them to regulate? you ought to favor extra for your self, in case you do not have self belief you ought to have more effective than why might want to all and multiple else? no one is going to do extra for you than you're waiting and in a position to do for your self. also, those persons who're giving thumbs all the way down to posters who say they remorseful about allowing a cheater decrease back into their lives - shame ON YOU!!! of direction there is something incorrect with you in case you imagine it is effective to take a cheater decrease back time and time back---that is loopy. Why ought to you want to shop getting damage. There must be some type of self esteem themes occurring, b/c maximum persons of their precise ideas ought to not in any respect bypass for that type of remedy. Heck, perchance the first time should be o.ok., yet no longer a second or 0.33 time. like the conserving is going, fool me once, shame on you, fool me two times shame on me, fool me any time after that and that i'm only a damn fool!!!

Answer 6

No, I wouldn't consider it. When trust is broken why waste your precious time and energy on an unhealthy mental or physical relationship that could result in depression or disease? Besides it would only encourage the cheater by being a positive reinforcement to his/her behavior by letting him/her back into your life. Tell them to seek therapy while you seek a better partner. Your life is not worth the risk. You deserve much better.

Answer 7

Years ago but only because i didn't know i was being cheated on once i woke up that was it for me if i would have known it sooner i would have left his *** sooner ALOT sooner. I don't believe in staying with a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater. If your not good enough for them once you never will be good enough.

Answer 8

Not in my life ever cheaters, not only cheat they take your trust , feeling ,degrade you,take you for a fool, laugh behind your back with the other person.Think nothing of you only themselves. Then maybe give you some disease..Whats to take back. Just my opinion

Answer 9

yes i did and well he cheated again, and again. Until i couldn't take it anymore. He even took my 5 month baby to his other girls place. Don't take a cheater back once a cheater always a cheater!!!!!~

Answer 10

I took back my girl after she had a non phyiscal affair (which hurt just as bad.) The result is I've never truly recovered and don't know if I ever will I pretend like everything is ok but it's not. But maybe that's just me. Maybe things will be different for you.

Good Luck.

Answer 11

Yes, we were engaged and he cheated. He broke my heart. But I loved him and married him. I never trusted him the same. God, I tried, but 16 yrs later are divorced now. It still hurts like yesterday. August 12, 1988. I never forgot it. It doesn't have to be that way. If you can find it in your heart to forgive AND move on (because you will never forget) it may work. Good luck.