should I go?

Question

when my father died last year me and my wife went to europe and attended the funeral. yesterday we received a news thet her father died, and my wife assumed that I am coming with her to south africa to attend the funeral. is it fair if wont go? i mean it my first month on my new job, and I dont have money right now! but im sure that it create some friction between my wife if i wont go with her...

Answer 1

I can see your dilema. Only have your job for a month would make it very difficult to go. But your wife needs your support as well....what do you do? You need to sit down with your wife and discuss this situation openly....allow her to give you some solutions. Maybe she will agree that the money is too tight for you to go too. If you havent got the money and you only started a new job, then maybe your wife will understand it from your perspective. While it is a devestating time for her, she has to be realistic too, and if you havent got the money, then why go into debt so as you can accompany her to a funeral...it doesnt make sense....she will survive this without your support, it would be nicer to have it, but if the finances arent there, then they just arent there and she needs to accept that. Also your job is extremely important to both your futures, so going with her could jeopardise your job, so you could be coming back to be unemployed. Like I said, it would be lovely if you could be there to support her, but everything else is too important to jeopardise for the sake of going to a funeral. Her father is no longer in this world, and its very sad, but its a part of life. She is going to pay her respects only, not bring him back from the dead. It is a very expensive exercise just to pay your respects. If you havent got the money, then she needs to understand that paying your respect could make both your lives very uncomfortable. You and her are in the real world...living in this real world takes money to survive adequately, and I'm sure her father would understand. If she is worried about what other people will think, then maybe you need to contact her family in South Africa and explain, as much as you would love to be there, it is just not possible because you havent got the money and you cannot afford to lose your job. Everyone will understand if you can explain it to them. Your wife should too.

Answer 2

I feel it would be important to offer emotional support for your wife during this time, but since you just started a new job, and the extra expense for the trip would be a financial burden, then I am sure other family members could be there for her. I can understand your wife feeling highly emotional at this time, but hopefully you can reassure her of your love and support to convince her of the hardship this trip would be for you and the family. Hope all turns out for the best. If not, buy some extra blankets for those cold nights on the couch. Ha Ha Just finding humor to cheer you up! God Bless!

Answer 3

If you can still sleep with yourself at night, picking your job OVER your wife, who's been there for you in the same circumstance....then don't go.

If I was her, It'd be hard for me to forgive you.
Month on the job or not....most employers understand a situation like this...and I'm in Human Resources.
Money shouldn't even be in the same sentence with this. You FIND the money when your spouse needs your support in this way. You will NEVER get a greater chance to prove you're going to be there for her during her darkest moments.

Answer 4

I don't care what job you're at... A death of a family member is a valid reason to get time off. Your wife is right to assume that you're coming with her. Take out a bank loan if you must, or borrow some money from a friend, it can't be THAT expensive; I fly half-way across the world every year to see my family, and it's never cost me more than $1,000.

Answer 5

When starting a new job. It's not good to go. I wouldn't advise it, but, since you don't have the money anyway. How could you go? Your wife should understand your situation new job and no money. I've been there. But, with my mom. She wanted to go to her mother's funeral. I started a job and I had no money to fly out there. There was friction with me and her. She explained she needed me. I said well, if you can fly me out. I would talk to my employer. She said she didn't have the money. Well???????WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY?????

Answer 6

Together, list the good reasons for going to the funeral, and the good reasons for not going. If you are both understanding people (that means understanding the emotional situation AND the financial situation), you will come to an agreement.

Answer 7

You should talk to her, tell her you dont want to take a bad impression at a new job, but coming from a woman-I would be pissed off at my husband if he wouldnt come to my fathers funeral with me, shes going to want YOUR support when shes there, your comfort. It has nothing to do with being fair.

Answer 8

You should go. Your wife needs you. You can always explain to your employer the circumstances. Most companies usually allow time off for a death in the family. As far as money, keep it simple.

Answer 9

What is more important to you - your marriage or your job? The answer to that question will tell you whether to go to the funeral.

Answer 10

I say that is very unfair if you don't go. I would be deeply hurt if my husband didn't go with me. My husband is in the military and even if he was in Iraq he would be able to come home to be with me because it is that serious. The death of a parent is not a time to abandon your spouse. She probably needs you to go with her. She was there for you, now it is your turn to be there for her without being selfish. I hope you make the right decision.