My husband has an "old" friend that he become friends with again. They txt eachother multiple times a day and he has gone out saying he is going with his guy friend but then she called so they met up with her the past two weekends in a row. It is innocent enough. I get the uncomfortable vibe around her but don't want to tell him. How do I know when they have gotten too close?
2007-02-05 08:53:13 · 26 answers · asked by quixotic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I would just say something to him about how you are becoming uncomfortable with their relationship. That although you trust him, you would feel better if you were present when they meet up. Also, ask him to consider how he would react if the situation were reversed. If he would not be comfortable with an old guy friend texting and meeting up with you, then he needs to re-consider his actions. His old friend should include being with you as well as him.
It might be as innocent as she has a crush on one of his friends and is using him as the "in" , but I would really try having a quiet, calm talk with him about it first... Good luck! - dd
2007-02-05 09:02:18 · answer #1 · answered by dedum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she still single? Ouch! You could 'snoop around' to investigate, but...
Meeting up with an old female friend the past two weekends in a row just crossed the line...innocent or not. Opposite-sex friends can be tricky in a marriage, because of the temptation of being "emotionally" unfaithful. It's often times the first step down a slippery slope.
Communication is key. Talk to him about your feelings:
Let him know your glad he met up with an old friend, but that you'll feeling a little left out. If he says you're just being unnecessarily jealous, then ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed. Bring up the point that you would not behave as she has if you ran in to an old friend that was now married. Tell him you get an uncomfortable vibe around her. That as a man he may be unaware of the female games, but that most woman would feel suspicious of her based on her behavior.
Watch what answers he gives carefully. It may be an indication of something less than innocent.
As my Grandmother always said, "If you have to ask that kind of question, then you already know the answer. Trust your instincts."
2007-02-05 09:06:16 · answer #2 · answered by ... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I don't think there is such a thing as female and male friendship except in very few circumstances like blood relation or growing up together almost like brother and sister. If he doesn't have a problem and there is really nothing going on why can't you be her friend too?, why do you get that vibe?, to your husband it might seem innocent especially if she is really freaking ugly but she might be trying to set him up.
Be open minded to the possibility that this is a friendship and tell your husband about this, don't suffer in silence and wait for something to happen, don't acuse him but explain you don't feel comfortable about this and you would like to meet her, socialize with her maybe be her friend too or at least make yourself more comfortable with the idea of him having a female friend. If there is nothing going on this shouldn't be a problem. But be patient and don't let jelaousy overcome you.
2007-02-05 09:02:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Texting, meeting up, two weekends in a row.....RECIPE FOR AN AFFAIR.
Think about it the other way...if you had a truly innocent friendship with a married man, wouldn't you go out of your way to be open and friendly to the wife, even hanging with her as well, to make it clear this was not an affair? grab some books on relationships and cheating right away and remember- you deserve better! your behavior sounds co-dependent...instead of being angry and questioning him, you are unsure about your own suspicions. If your husband is an insensitive jerk, ,maybe this is the time to move on.
2007-02-05 09:00:20 · answer #4 · answered by moiralouise23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that uncomfortable vibe u are feeling is your intuition telling u danger. he is making up lies to get out with her. 2 weekends in a row while he leaves his wife at home. not so innocent. u may be in denial about the seriousness of this, because u trust the man. but his actions speak for themselves. so next time go out with him also, join the fun. u should be able to tell by her body language and the look on her face if she has already gotten close to him or not. it is not innocent at all.
2007-02-05 09:00:03 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be smart! Men hate to be tied up. Be better, be different every day! Remember he didn't marry you because you lassoed him but because he found something mysterious in your personality. It is normal a man (and a woman) having shadow points in the marriage. For instance, do you like to dance? You may like the idea of having dance lessons... or writing, painting... When you highlight, the other women simply get transparent. But if your husband jump the fence, do not despair or try to do the same. If (even then) you find important having him at your side, when he discovers his wife is bigger (not heavier, for Heaven's sake) and better, guess what his decision will be? Getting old is a very difficult matter. Men consider themselves as hunters, not prey. Old hunters (and fishermen) generelly lie.
2007-02-05 09:03:10 · answer #6 · answered by pestilpen3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's txt ing him multiple times a day and the last two weekends he's met up with her, I'd say THEY'VE GOTTEN TOO CLOSE ALREADY!! Please, if this was my husband I would put a stop to it NOW! There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex when you're married, but when you socialize with them without your spouse(s) present, there is something really, really wrong with that. Put your foot down now. If it hasn't already, it is sure to lead to something bad for you.
2007-02-05 08:58:46 · answer #7 · answered by Doogie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that point has already come and gone. I would start flipping out when he just "met up" with her 2 weekends in a row. You should talk to your hubby, tell him that she is making you feel uncomfortable, stress that its not him its her, that you fully trust him. Try not to place blame or accuse, it tends to exhibit negative respones and generally opens up the doors to a fight. You have a right to feel uncomfortable, he is YOUR husband!
2007-02-05 08:58:44 · answer #8 · answered by hvandyk82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be as honest and as frank as you can with your husband. Tell him how uncomfortable she makes you. Tell him how you know he is innocent, but she just gives you bad vibes and you would appreciate it if he didn't hook up with her (if that is what you want). You have to be able to talk to your husband about the hard stuff and the easy stuff....Good luck & best wishes.
2007-02-05 08:58:31 · answer #9 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is how the relationship between my sister and now ex started , just friends. Then stopping by her house to help her and her roommate. Going to lunch with her which I did not know. Taking her with us everywhere we went, dances, vacations, holidays , because she had no one. Don't let it get any deeper. In fact it sounds too deep already. Keep your mouth shout and start checking things out and see what you find before you confront him or her . But don't be surprised that this relationship has got them into deep already. Good luck and God Bless
2007-02-05 09:01:35 · answer #10 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋