I have been re married since May. To a woman who I was in love with from 8th through 12th. I would have done anything for her. The feeling wasn't mutual, she was cheerleader/beauty queen/popular. I was nerdy BAD. With time all things change. We both found ourselves divorced and really being in love. We both have 2 children from our previous marriages I have mine as much as possible which causes conflict because after we where together for a year she was so gung ho and now since we have been married she keeps telling me she's tired of putting my kids first. My 2 come over 2 nights a week and everyother weekend. She keeps them all until I get home from work at about 5:30 at which point every tuesday I take all of them to the Library for some quality time and the weekends they all come over together I always plan something crazy fun for all of us to do. I love her children dearly and would do anything for them. I find myself being more loving towards hers than mine and feel really bad.
2007-02-05 08:14:48 · 25 answers · asked by not sure 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why would wife2 expect you to care about HER kids as much as yours? She sounds incredibly selfish (NO KIDS BEFORE MINE) and you probably made another made choice when you married her. Don't feel too badly- 85% of all second marriages that include children fail to to issues exactly like this. Some family therapy might help.
2007-02-05 08:20:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess in a way I know what you mean....my husband was married and has 3 kids with her...I have never been married before and have 1 child...he has always seen his kids and a lot more since I moved in and we got married, my daughter lives with us full-time...her father is not in the picture so my husband is the only father she has been around...his ex lets us take the kids whenever we want and kinda uses us on that aspect to a certain point...he spends a lot of time with the kids and all the kids are gone on the same weekends....which is supposed to be "our" time together...but it never fails that our weekend turns into less than 24 hours by the time he brings his kids home and during the week schedule's are awful so we don't spend much time together then....I get the frustration of your wife but from what you say that you do shows to me that you try to treat all the kids the same which I know is very hard....but maybe you guys need a date night for just you 2 once in a while so you can go out and discuss things...this way you will both know how the other feels and maybe it will help all of you get along better and realize that all the kids are being treated the same....
2007-02-05 09:18:40 · answer #2 · answered by Dawn D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you just have to explain to her that you care about her children as well. Seems you are proving that as you said when your's come over, you take all the kids out to do something. While that is noble, you should also be able to spend some time just with your children. But, if they(your kids) have no complaints, then I would continue what you are doing.
Your wife should have known that things would be this way somewhat when she found out you have two kids. Your's are not always being put first, neither should hers.
She sounds like she is being somewhat unreasonable about the whole situation. In reality, she should be putting her kids first, you should be putting your kids first, and together you should collectively be putting all the kids at the top spot in ya'll's priorities.
Keep doing what you are doing. You said she was frustrated with your ex-wife, but didn't seem to mention how she played into this.
2007-02-05 08:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are doing a good job, since you take the kids to the library to by yourself to give your wife some free-time. I'm assuming you take your ex-wifes' kids and your new wifes' kids. I think there is something more into what your wife is complaining about. Myself being a woman, I know that woman aren't always open about what we are feeling. I think there might be a problem with your wife and your ex-wife. I would talk to you wife about the issue. Don't bring up the ex-wife if possible. Just ask your wife how you can be more attentive to her kids more so that you can be a better father and husband. I believe any woman would love to hear her husband ask how you can be more attentive to her needs and how to improve. There may be something that you are missing or maybe something that your wife is feeling however hasn't expressed fully to you. Good Luck! I wish the best - don't give up!
2007-02-05 08:22:07 · answer #4 · answered by Tonya B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the second wife. My husband has 2 kids from his first marriage. In the beginning he did favor his more than mine. He was and is a caring, loving father to my children. But when his kids came over, he had the part time dad syndrome. Beings that he feels like he chould over do it when they are there. What I suggest is that you plan something fun to do with just your wife and her kids, when yours are with their mother. Your children have another family, so don't feel guilty that they are not included in everything you do. I don't know how her childrens father has a role in this, but my kids dad dosen't do too much. So, the only father my children have are their step dad. I expect him to act and he does as their father. I know it is very easy to get jealous, when you are the second wife. I also know that I usually had good reason. Just make sure that when your kids are ther, that each child is treated equal. I believe you love her children as much as you do your own. You are probably closer to them. It is so hard to please everyone all the time. You wife also needs to realize this. Just be patient with her. But, make sure you do special things with her children. Good luck.
2007-02-05 09:29:14 · answer #5 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there are 2 things you could do. The first is sit down with her one day and tell her that she means the world to you and that you care about her kids like they where your own kids. Then take her out to a fancy place for dinner. Not Burger King. Then bring her back home and send the kids to your mothers and treat her to a full night of love and romance. Or you can just go back to your ex-wife. Its you decision. One wrong move and its all going down the drain. I know youll make the right decision. Just think me later. After she thinks you in the morning.
2007-02-05 08:52:26 · answer #6 · answered by nascar2play 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Tough spot and I don't envy you one bit. The best thing to do is to keep all communication completely open with your wife. Obviously, she has to understand that your kids are YOUR kids, biologically. And even though you've both bought into this marriage (and the combined children), yours are yours and hers hers. Keep things light and fun - set aside a family games night every Tuesday or whenever you have yours. Keeping it a unit and not segregating is key. And certainly don't put more focus on her kids out of fear of her thinking you're not. Yours will only hurt in the end.
2007-02-05 08:21:08 · answer #7 · answered by Sebring 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have really considered all this before remarrying. She sounds to be really unfair when it comes to your kids. She knew what she was getting into when she married. you. Sounds as if you made mistake number 2. The ones that end up paying for all of this mess is the kids. You are gonna have to really give this some thought as to if it will be worth staying in this marriage. As much I am almost always for working on marriages to work, I cannot feel that this marriage will be very hurtful for your children. It is bad enough they feel they lost their dad to her kids, (her kids live with you) now they have to see their step mom resent them. This is very hurtful and she must come to stop this, which I personally feel she won't. Sorry you made another mistake.
2007-02-05 08:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like to me the wife wants everything to be her way, and thats the only way they should be. As a woman in a second marriage, (my husband has 2 daughters from his first marriage.) with children, I find it very very hard to NOT make a difference in his children, and our children. I love his kids as much as anybody can, but there is still that difference there, its not an intentional thing, and its not that I'm trying to be mean to them, its just there. I hate myself for it at times, but I'm sorry there is a difference... if your wife feels this is going on, ask her if maybe she wants to get more involved in the lives of your children, and let all of you bond as one big family... if shes not up to it, then there tells you she is the one with the problem. Good luck to you!
2007-02-05 08:27:05 · answer #9 · answered by emtb9 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife to get over it...your children are your flesh and you don't get to spend every day with your children so if you try to make the time you have with them special u should have every right to without her trying to lay some guilt trip on you. you love her kids b/c you love her...you love your kids b/c you created them...there is a difference you shouldn't feel bad about that, you treat her kids good that's all she can ask for in this world where men abuse kids that aren't theres. Don't let her make you feel guilty for wanting to give your kids the best of you
2007-02-05 08:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋