Recently I have discovered that my husband has some very long phone calls with a old high school friend...If they are just friends, then why did he keep it a secret that he reconnected with an old friend?? What other secrets his he keeping?
2007-02-05 08:09:09 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depends on how close of friends they are. If they are the type of friends that spend all their time together - or a good portion of it, then no, I don't think they can remain just friends.
One of them will and always does begin to develop some sort of feelings.
As for your husband keeping secrets - just ask him. Ask him why he chose not to tell you about his high school friend. Don't get defensive just yet though - it probably doesn't mean anything and he is most likely just keeping anything from you.
Chances are something as simple as he simply total forgot to tell you. Or sometimes I think I've told someone something but then it turns out I haven't. It could be completely innocent.
Talk to him and see. :)
2007-02-05 08:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by Basiate 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, men and women can be friends, but in your situation, I dont know if that is correct. Like you said, hes kept it a secret, so I would be wondering why too. Maybe he wants more. Until you talk to him you wont know what his intentions are. How did they get reconnected, or did they get reconnected? How long has he been having these secret phone calls. It doesnt add up to just friendship...The warning bells are sounding in your head. You have concerns, and a gut feeling I am sure. You could be wrong, but you need to find out the truth. Find out what your husbands real intentions are. Maybe even ringing this woman yourself. Maybe she can answer the questions your husband isnt prepared to answer. Maybe nothing has happened between them, but you need to sort it out now before something does. If you dont, you will always be wondering, and everything he does from now on, you will be questioning his honesty. Get it out in the open and then you can deal with it.
2007-02-05 16:21:25 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
2007-02-05 16:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe more. If he was just friends, then he should have told you. Plus, you don't have numerous long calls with an old friend. I can understand one, but cut it off. He shouldn't be sneaky. I still talk to an old high school friend, but like once every so many months, and only if its a major thing, because we are really true friends. But when I was in a relationship, i didn't do it because it hurt my partner.
2007-02-05 16:18:11 · answer #4 · answered by confuzed 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not overburden yourself with "whatifs". If you make a mountain out of a mole hill, you'll succeed in precipitating the fall of your marriage. This alone cannot bring down the strength of a marriage, but its accumulation can. You come across as one who is looking for a reason to get angry. Now look for reasons to strengthen your relationship. Collect facts.Confront him with facts only. If you are willing to forgive him (i.e. never bring it up again), then move on from there. If not, tell him the consequeces of his actions and that his response is being carefully considered.
Know this: If a woman never forgives a man and chooses to live with him, all she will have is an unforgiven man.
2007-02-05 16:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by emberstoashes_04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is okay for male and female to be just friends. Even though he his it from you, if you have no reason to think he would cheat on you then you cant really get too upset about it being hidden. you must remember how men think, sometimes they dont always know how we will handle certain things. He may have hid it because he was afraid how you would react. Give him a chance, not all men are liars and cheaters, this could be a very platonic relationship...of two good friends...just talk with him about it!
2007-02-05 16:19:42 · answer #6 · answered by Who Dat Chic!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have plenty of female friends and that's all we are, however I don't believe we should ever keep these things a secret from our "one and only" regardless of the situation.
He may or may not be up to something.
I hope things turn out for the best.
2007-02-05 16:20:36 · answer #7 · answered by Big C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was best friends with a guy for 35 years until he passed away. I never kept it a secret though. I would ask him straight out.
2007-02-05 16:18:46 · answer #8 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you have all the right answers right in your question.
"He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing." If they were just friends, why wouldn't he just tell you about it? Also, sometimes men do that just so YOU won't have male friends too, and make THEM feel insecure. I would just come out and ask him about it. If he dances around the question, there's your sign. If he's up front about it, that's great, but I'd have to wonder why the conversations are lasting so long. Maybe they are just "closing chapters" or so...could be harmless...but I'd just talk to him to make sure.
2007-02-05 16:18:39 · answer #9 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if he's keeping it a secret than there must be something more to it..Maybe she is an ex-girlfriend or fling. Either way he'd only try to hide it from you if something was up. Good Luck!
2007-02-05 16:33:09 · answer #10 · answered by Winnie08_98 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋