During separation phase can a custody arrangement be made?

Question

Not heading towards a divorce but am living apart hoping things work out for the best, being a father I wanted to know if I have any right to have my child live with me. I have not broached this subject with my wife but I wanted to know the full facts.

Shall I discuss it with her? Do it through a solicitor/court? Can anyone quote me a law or two and show any decent sites? I cannot find anything useful. If they resisted would that be bad for them in the long term in the eyes of the court as it will appear they were being obstructive and uncooperative.

I know a lot of questions but my head is all over the place.

First of all I want to say thanks to everyone who has contributed, I am really touched by the advice given to me so far. I think though some advice may have been from the US but it will apply here in the UK.

I should have mentioned that my child is only 5 months old but not on breast milk for the past 3 months.

I will have a chat with her but I need to be calm and collective (cliche I know), my wife will be accommodating, its the family I feel that will be obstacle.

Anyways, I have nt given up hope and do feel strangely OK, must be the running!! I think its also cos I am pouring my thoughts out on here for everyone to see.

Answer 1

I'd suggest you talk to her about it first and see what you two can agree on--go on each other's word at this point. If you can't agree, then you need to file for a legal seperation and have the court grant you visitation. That's gonna hinder reconciliation, but then, so will her denying you visitation right now.

Answer 2

You should try to reach agreement amicably. Not sure if you are married or not. If married, generally the courts prefer not to make formal custody orders in divorce unless there is a dispute. As the child is so young the best that you might achieve is an agreement for "shared care". You would have to show that the mother could not care for the child to achieve full time care.

If you can't reach agreement through discussions, it is always wise to try to resolve these matters through mediation. There are always a number of mediation services available in every area. Your local County Court in England can supply details.

Ultimately a court can decide on such issues but it is wise to try to avoid this where possible. You don't need a solicitor immediately although many offer free advice which you could take without actually taking any action that will prejudice your relationship with the mother.

Answer 3

First of all child custody laws vary from state to state--so unless anyone here knows where you live we can't quote you anything. Yes, even though you are going through a separation you both have rights, it would be better in the long run if you both try to work together on the custody.First discuss it with her, if that doesn't work, then you may have to get a "mediator" or "refferee".
No it does not always look like obstruction or uncooperative unless you have already gone to court and set up visitation rights.
Yes, you have a right for your child to live with you.Another thing you don't mention is the age of your child- Good Luck!

Answer 4

Yes, a custody arrangement can and should be in place, especially if you want to have any hope of seeing your children more than a weekend a month.

While I would advise speaking with a lawyer or legal aid clinic, you want to get an agreement in place that state you have shared legal custody of the children and details that you have unsupervised time with the children at least 3 days a week.

Any child care expenses at this point should be noted and shared. It would be best if you could agree to pay them yourself with your wife providing half the money.

Basically you want to establish that, no matter what happens to the marriage, you are not willing to give up a continued and healthy relationship with your children.

To that, in the custody agreement, make certain to include language that states you and their mother will not make disparaging remarks about the other parent. Make sure you abide by that, even if your wife does not. Keeps a diary of every time she breaks an agreement and note your response.

If you have to go before a judge, having written records will be must more convincing and helpful.

One thing to remember is that they may want to be obstructive just to set it up that you have not been with the kids and thus are entitled to no time with them. Request time, in writing, often, even if you do not get it. You want to prove their being uncooperative if that is the case.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Hello,
I would think you should be able to talk to your wife about this problem, what do you think your wife would say, NO is a bit harsh if you are the childs natural father, If you wife said ask the child, what do you plan to offer th child for the comfort of having your child with you, would you steal the child away? what does the child know about you being away from the marital home? sort thes questions out first, then go from there my friend, If you start talking lawyers and courthouses, you are only going to distance yourself even further from your wife and child...
The courts almost always leave the child with its Mother, as it is considered safer there with her. so apply your honest masculine charm, and be gentle with you wife, it looks to me like you are trying to reconcile with her, so Softly Softly catchee monkee. I do hope this all goes very well for all the three of you, and you can all rebuild from the last full stop on the reply, to a very heartfelt plea to all us Yahoo'ers, chin up..... Tony M

Answer 6

Your best bet is to work it out outside of court with her, because the courts dont really like to get involved with custody and visitation during seperations. Besides this would probably be a temporary situation til either you repair or end your relationship, but either way, as a huge tip coming from someone who has dealt with alot of relationships, be civil with her, learn to compromise and keep your mouth shut no matter how bad you want not to. Work out something equitable between you both at least for the kids sake. If I can be of further help email me at [e-mail] and Ill get back with you asap and Ill try to help you out. Good luck

Answer 7

i seperated and divorced while my child was only a few months old .(about the same age as yours ) i went to court and applied fro a contact order ...and only managed to get 3 hours a week ..so your chances of getting any real quality contact are not that good due to the childs age ..( the judge i had said the child was too young to be away from mum ) it gets easier if you stick by any arrangemnts made ...and i applied several times to getting increased contact orders each time ..it takes time dont give up ..your child will love you all the more for it when they grow up ...my chlid is now 9 and im still fighting ...and get her evry weekend ..good luck

Answer 8

dont know any legal sites that you can visit but i'd say yes it can be done and was for me.. I left my husband over two yrs ago and have been divorced less than a yr.. shortly after i left within 2 mths actualy he contacted a lawyer and had a physical custody agreement drawn up which i did sign.. contact a lawyer and see what they can do for you it should be fairly easy especialy if you and your wife can agree on everything without it going to a court..

Answer 9

First, try working out the custody arrangement with your wife. If she doesn't agree, then you'll have to go through the court, and you'll need a solicitor to help you with the process. Good luck!

Answer 10

You have full rights to your child until a judge says different. I separated from you husband 4 yrs before divorce.My son stayed with me. I advised my son's school that his father could not pick him up ever. And I was told that I had to bring in a custody order from the judge other wise he could walk right out the door with him. Call your local Juvenile and domestic court.They are the ones who will set everything up. GOOD LUCK!