Ok so my baby daddy is married to someone else. But last week he told me that he Loves Me for the first time ever. i asked him if he regrets getting married, and he said yes because everything with her is not the same anymore. I havent seen him in 2 years and he is stationed in Hawaii. I love him very much. Him and our daughter are everything to me. I dont want to pressure him in getting a divorce because I would want him to decide for himself. But I feel as if he loves me then I have every right to fight for him. How do I approch him to stay with me and the baby? What I can do to make him choose us instead.
2007-02-05 08:04:04 · 16 answers · asked by VANESSA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Pray...prayer opens the door for God to work in our lives....Jesus loves you
2007-02-05 08:08:46 · answer #1 · answered by Bert 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, this guy knocks you up but he doesn't marry you. Then he marries someone else. Then, while married to someone else, he tells you that he loves you, behind his wife's back. Furthermore, he's unhappy because everything is "not the same" anymore, even though no marriage has stayed exactly the same, ever, in the history of humankind. You want him to be the person who would leave the woman to whom he is married if he loves the other woman more.
So, let's say you marry him, but in the meantime he has knocked up some other chick. Is that OK with you if he does not take any responsibility? Then, while you're married to him, is it OK if he secretly tells another woman he Loves Her (to use your capitalization scheme)? And if things don't "stay the same" in your marriage with him, it's OK with you if he just leaves you and your child? And if he realizes he loves someone more than you, it's OK with you if he is the kind of man who would leave you for her?
2007-02-05 16:15:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do. He has to make these decisions for himself. What are the reasons for staying married? Just be careful that he isn't enjoying both the benefits of married life and a girlfriend on the side. Words don't mean much unless actions back them up. Would you rather wait around while he figures out what he wants or would you rather get on with your life? I realize it's difficult because you have a child together and there are likely strong emotional bonds, but remind yourself that you and your daughter deserve a man who is fully there for you. You'll find him.
2007-02-05 16:15:05 · answer #3 · answered by °ĠיִяĿỵ° 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had a baby with him years ago and he's telling you after a failed marriage that he loves you for the first time, it's probably not real. As much as it seems like that happily ever after ending, it's just him drowning himself in his own sorrow and insecurities. If he loves you, he would have been with you. Men don't just decide all of a sudden that they love you and should have been with you after years and a baby.
2007-02-07 21:02:36 · answer #4 · answered by kelly4u2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never force him to choose....its got to be what he wants, and he has to do it for himself, not for anyone else. If he feels pressured then it is going to come back and kick you at some point. He may even start to resent you, if, out of pressure, he left his wife and came to you. Just be very careful. Men and women have a brain, and they can use it equally as well. Men and women can love equally too.....so if he loves you, he will want to be with you all by himself. All you can do is tell him you love him and want to be with him....dont give him an ultimatum. He will decide where he wants to be on his own. You just have to decide if you can wait until he knows what he wants. If he is telling you that he wants you to be with him, then ask him for a time limit....ask him how long does he want you to wait for him. Give him some power in this situation. Ultimatums never work.
I wish you all the best and hope he comes to his senses and decides to come to you and his child of his own free will.
2007-02-05 16:13:27 · answer #5 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it really doesn't matter what relationship your in when you marry things change..your life responsibility and how you see things..you made a commitment but i think if you get involved it could backfire on you..i do not understand why he isn't with you to start with..are you sure he is what you want after all you deserve a Lil respect for having his baby first
He needs to prove to you he is worth having. If he is married and telling you he loves you and hasn't been married very long this is not good because you could get with him and it all happen again. so i would wait and see and make sure what he is saying isn't just talk
2007-02-05 16:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by away right now 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if he loves u he will get a divorce on his own all by himself. if it is meant to be it will be just don't fall for a line, and go back with him, and set yourself up for hurt again, he may just be venting and angry at her. if it is truly meant to be it will be, without any help from u. don't get involved in trying to make him choose u than u would be the other woman and be doing his wife a great injustice.
2007-02-05 16:12:43 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loves you, you wont have to fight. He should make up his own mind so then he has nothing to blame you for. It's nice of you to take him back after leaving you and your baby to get married.
2007-02-05 16:09:36 · answer #8 · answered by Hotcakes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen
you are asking after 2 years.. do not you think it is too long now..
howeer..
if you make him choose between you and the other .. you will be loosing.. since he chose already the other..
do you think you can balance the relation.. accpet the fact
and be nice to him in the way to attract him to you and to your daughter..
if you can not do this.. just do not worry yourslef any more and forget having him... live your life and enjoy your duaghter.. he is the looser then
2007-02-05 16:13:56 · answer #9 · answered by yak k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, to men, the grass is always greener....if he wasn't with her and he was with you, he would be saying the same things to her...And you need to take some responsibility to not pursue a married man, doesn't matter how he feels towards her or you, fact is he is married and you should resist him and your feelings for him.
2007-02-05 16:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋