In plain words, how do i tell my long time bf i want to have sex…long story?

Question

Heres the story, ive been with my bf for almost 5 years now. Im 24, he’s 28. We’ve been living together for the last two years and things are going as they were before, nothing bad, nothing overly great, just fine and normal. Im about to graduate from college and he is way ahead in his career and success.

I don’t know how to tell the story, ill try to put in as short as possible. But basically, ive been having some issues with this, how do I say it, with my sexual drive in plain words. In the last year and half ive noticed that ive gotten to be a lot more cranked up in my sexual urges. I guess its just my hormones catching up and the thing was that when we were just together 5 years ago he was the one always jumping up and down wanting to do things and I was the one saying no, no, no wait. So eventually time passed and yeah things were done and sex was experienced, but we kept it as the least important thing in our relationship.

Years passed and I our relationship developed more, the sex issue faded away and like I said, it never really got to be an important part of us (cause many people say, a relationship w/o sex doesn’t last long). his career really kicked in and he began making big bucks, big success, big things, but that meant too much work, incredible stress, I would say he has become a workaholic. But that meant one thing…over stress. And stress means zero desires and that meant no sex life from his side.

For a period that was like, ‘cool with me’, it was probably done every 3 months or so, but now, at the age I am now, ive noticed that I get these urges much more than I did before. I’ve talked to my bf about this and yeah things have been done, and he’s understood my situation, but I notice that it’s not enough. I mean to say, he forgets it and I we’ve talked about it now like 20 times and things change for a little period but then go back like before. I know theres no other girl involved, since I `can tell his incredible stress. He comes home and gives me a sweet smile and hug, we still go to clubs and bars together and have fun as if we just met, but there is no sex. And now, I notice im starting to almost daydream of cute guys I see at school, I didn’t do that before, I get these sexual thought about these guys and I think, ‘no I shouldn’t do this’.

So my question, IS:

What on earth should I do??? I have ALREADY talked to him about this, but no big change, or How do I tell him this all over again so he can understand??? What trick is there to play for him to understand?? Should I just keep on daydreaming of these guys and wait until these dam hormones fade out??

What would YOU do if you were in this case?

Help!

Ps. Sorry for the extremely long story!

Answer 1

Sex is a great way to relieve stress. Romance him a little.

Answer 2

Well you seem to have done most of the above already. I would, first of all, ask him if you are his girlfriend or his friend. If you are just his friend then go seek another, at 28 you are still young. If he says girlfriend ask if you still make himk horny. From this question you should judge his response. I think at the moment he is either scared of sex, can't be bothered or is having an affair. His response should give you a clue as to which of the above is true. If he is scared of sex for whatever reason you should talk about it more. If you pounce on him it will make it worse. If he can't be bothered you need to rekindle his desire. Sometimes after a hard days work you just can't be bothered, but in the morning things could be altogether different. Morning sex can be much better than evening sex, especially for a man (as there is less of a lead up, it's more crash bang wallop, ooh that was nice). Maybe a bit of seduction is in order.

If he is having an affair. Kick him into touch.

Answer 3

If I were in your situation I would go to a store and buy some sexy
nighty. I would then tell my bf that i have a special night planned and that he better be ready. Plan a good dinner that he loves get some wine or champaigne and have a romantic evening. When its time to go to bed I would then change and go into the bedroom. If he is already in bed he would probably be suprised. Tell him that you really need it. If he says no and rolls over then he is not whilling to take care of your sexual needs. Everyone has sexual desires and needs them taken care of. You guys have been together for a long time and are still young. I know how the sexual drive is because I am one horney girl and don't know what I would do without it. If he loves and respects you then he will give in. If no then there is something seriously wrong and I would tell him that if he can't take care of you sexually then he is not fulfilling every need that you have. good luck hope all goes well.

Answer 4

You put the brakes on him and all of a sudden you are getting a little taste of what he was going through. Karma. The reason there is no big change is because it's just like the roles are reversed and he sees no reason to jump through hoops for you. You didn't for him.

One big problem that I see is your view of sex. I get the impression that you are/were/have been repressed. Sex is a very big deal to every couple I know. You refer to your love making time as "an issue" and "it" (& I don't mean ebay). Your relationship needs a healthy sex drive or rather 2 of them. If you don't start giving your sex life the time, energy, and attention that it needs your relationship is in trouble. The way I see it you are going to have to take the active part and start seducing your (practically) fiance. Figure out one of his fantasies and you'll have him begging for more. Or better yet tell him about your most erotic fantasy (he won't think that it's silly).

Answer 5

Honestly I think you two need some couple counseling.

There is nothing wrong with it; when you love the person and want to fix something you have tried your own way that is the next step and willingness to do it both ways.

Trying to seduce him will work for a few times but then again he will go back to the same so this is a deeper problem not just anything to be ignored.

Answer 6

Surprisingly, I got all that. First of all 10! How old are you?? How old is Terelle and Kevin??? Kevin probably just wants sex. Terelle sounds confusing. Why the heck is he calling you in the middle of the night. I feel bad for you. SOunds like he is either playing hard to get, or doesn't know himself if he wants you. And I don't even know what he wants. I say give him his space, but don't get Daniel into this. It would and probably is weirding him out. ALso, is Daniel telling him anything you wouldn't want him to hear or lying?? I say if Terelle doesn't come to you any time soon give up on all of them. Good luck, sounds like you need a big hug.

Answer 7

Is your bf gay? Does he have problems with erections? If he's notcheating on you, then he owes you an explanation for not giving you more sex. Most men will take as much as offered and it's rare for it not to be important for a man. If he's stressing at work he needs to find another job or relieve some stress. Sex is a great stress reliever. Ask him to open up to you and explain. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well well well!!!!! What goes around comes around! just remember that!!! Don't mess up a good thing if it's a good thing! Most men like to be kissed ALL OVER!!! Try and talk things over again! If you all live together maybe trail rose petals all the way to the bed in which you'll be lying in with some thing sexy on like Victoria Secret! Candles lit and that one song that reminds you all of one another playing softly in the back round. But don't cheat cheaters never win!!!

Answer 9

For Valentine's day, take him to your place and make everything really sexy. mabey even get a book about it. Get in a sexy, easy to get into, outfit and touch him a lot. Run your finger softly up his leg. Start kissing him all over and definatly get some tongue action in there!!! If he still won't have sex with you, just say it like it is. "I am horney and if you don't get in that bed right now and give me the best you've go then I'll go find someone else that will!" If that don't work, he's gay.

Answer 10

Um...
I guess what I would do is wait until he comes home from work... just ask him how his day was, and rub his shoulders... just do little things that really get him "excited." You know, sit there, rub his leg, little stuff that can seem so harmless, yet be so effective. And...
Maybe set aside a weekend or something to just get away.
Haha I know this answer is crap... but the way I see it, it will work. Just ignore the way I wrote it (kind of naively) and try it. What do you have to lose?

Answer 11

Nothing much more. Try this....

Get a cabin or something for a weekend. Play a little game called "catch me while your blindfolded". Leave a note, a blindfold, and a glass off champagne on the floor. Tell him to put them blinfolds on and catch you. When he does, girl you need to go to work on that man. Ease his pain, relieve his stress, get his sex drive runnin again!