I've been married for a year, found out my hubby was logging into dating chatzones etc?

Question

For those of you who dont know, you can commit adultery in your mind just by looking at someone, and yes a pastor will not tell you to leave your husband, but he explained to me that he already broke his promise with God when he went onto the dating website. I have been the best wife a man could ever ask for, I worked, Cooked, cleaned, even did my fair share in the sack, I gave him everything that he wanted, but he did not want me...and no, I cannot trust him, cause even with me not being close to him he is still doing the same thing! Lying to me!I hate lies, and I dont know anyone who doesnt!When we met 5 years ago, he had a girlfriend, broke up with her and 3 months later cheated on me with her. Then she cheated on him and he left her again for me. So yes, he wont change his ways. and if we are meant for each other, we will get back together.Thank you to all the people who reponded to my question.

Answer 1

You're right. People can be cheaters, by using the internet for "meeting people".
Your husband doesn't sound like he's going to ever win a "fidelity award". But unfortunately, you ignored the warning signs and there were plenty of them.
If you stay with him, don't expect too much. He's already shown you what he's made of.

Answer 2

No, I wouldn't cheat on my husband even if I knew for certain that there was no way for him to find out. I've been cheated on and know how it feels. Also, I am a Christian and cheating would betray all my Christian values and like others have said I would know. I wouldn't want to live with the guilt plus I want to be able to look my husband in the eyes. I feel that if I cheated it would be very difficult to face him each day and profess my love to him knowing that I have betrayed our marriage vows; vows that I swore to before man and God. I am rather comfortable in my own skin and I don't need anyone to affirm or reaffirm my worth. I feel that people who cheat are insecure and looking for some way or someone to validate them.

Answer 3

I don't know girl...sounds like he is not a stable, reliable and trust worthy man. I am sure it hurts to hear this, but he might never change. No matter if you are elastic woman in the sack. He is obviously not satisfied. He wants to see and try more and different things. The best thing to would be to get couseling for both of you. For him to get help on not cheating and you to be able to trust him again.
I hope you work this out. Marriage should not be broken just like that. Try to mend your relationship. If everything fails then you won't have another choice but as long as you know you tried.

Answer 4

Well why are you asking? You have made up your mind already then.....
If looking at someone counts as adultery, even your pastor is guilty. Anyone who says they have never looked at another and had lustful thoughts is either lying or blind from birth.
Stuff that happened that you knew about prior to your marriage is not fair game - when you married, you accepted that. Doesn't mean you have to like it, but you can't divorce someone now for something you accepted then.
IF all he did was log on and chat, and this is the worst problem in your marriage - consider yourself lucky. About 80% of marriages actually have sexual affairs. Most of the rest probably some kind of drug abuse or physical abuse.

If this problem is the worst you have, you are doing better than most. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you were perfect. Nobody is. And your next husband won't be either.

Answer 5

I'm stumped...I think you two need to talk to someone (a faith based counselor) and work out your issues together. Nothing will get better being separated or avoiding the issue. He definitely disrespected you and God by his actions. You're not asking him to change, he made the decision to marry you and he knows that marriage is between two people, husband and wife, not girlfriend and an online girlfriend. He made this decision and should stick to his promise to you, and his promise to God.
You're not asking too much here, you are asking him to take his marriage vows seriously.

Answer 6

Why did you marry this man? Is there any redeeming value to remaining with him? You want him to feel punished and return to you, yet you have already condemned him. As the good man said, "Did you beseech God?" "Will he not answer you?"
Shame upon him for cheating in the first place. Shame on you for setting yourself up for it. You decided to "change" him, and it didn't work. You can be the "perfect" wife, but it takes the "perfect" husband to recognize it.
Bottom line: if you are unwilling to forgive (i.e. never bring it up again), this marriage is dead.

Answer 7

But have you fasted and prayed for your husband. Have you really done all you can do in seeking God about this matter. You're running to everyone else but God. Do you believe that God can heal and restore your marriage? Give your marriage to God and watch Him work a miracle.

And yes, the bible does say that if a man/woman looks at another man/woman to lust after them they have committed adultery in their heart. But how many times have you looked at another man to lust after him? whether it was on TV or a magazine.

All i'm trying to say, is to seek God on this matter before you make a decision. What it all boils down to is if you're willing?

Answer 8

I would advise to leave him,divorce him and forget him. Like you said YOU hate lies and so do I. Nothing is worse when your husband is cheating on you. They never grow up and stay immature and marriage is definately not something they REALLY want. I was married many moons ago after all the pain and suffering I found out he was GAY! From the beginning of our marriage he treated me badly, didn't want me near him after time I just didn't care anymore. I was blinded by everything he lied to me about. I also found out that I was just a smoke screen to hide who he was. I legally separated from him and divorced him.

Answer 9

i am so sorry to hear that but there are some men out there that just can't stay faithful to one woman my father in law and brother in law are both like but thank god that my husband is not like that and i know that for a fact. i'm so very happy that he is nothing like his father and brother.

Answer 10

Move on. Poor you.... you did everything you could to save teh marriage, he obviously doesn't care.