Married people, or even divorced people........?

Question

I'm getting married this year and I just wanted to hear from some "been married people" of some good suggestions or words of wisdom to keep a marriage going strong and lasting a long time. If you've gotten divorced what went wrong and what we should avoid.

Thank you very much to everyone for your great advice. I didn't think I would get such great feedback. Hopefully incorporating all this great info I should have a happy and successful marriage.

Answer 1

First of all , congratulations. I will give you some sensible advice that I hope you find useful.

-Never go to bed angry at each other. NEVER. Patch things up before going to bed.
-Never hold a grudge. It can go on for days and it will destroy yoru relationship.
-Communicate. Good communication will guarantee a long lasting marriage. I can stress this enough.
-Find common interests
-Give him some space. You need to be joined at the heart and not conjoined at the hip.
-Guys do guy things and you need to understand this. Guys are into tools, sports and cars, beer and steak and there is nothing that you can do to change that.
-Men do not like shopping. Please don't drag him to the mall with you.
-Be supportive of his career and listen to what he says when he comes from work. No matter how boring it is, listen.
-Keep a tidy house.
-Have warm food and cold beer on the fridge.
-Keep your self pretty. Do your hair and your make up every day for your husband to find you pretty all the time.
-Don't have children inmediatly. Enjoy your marriage and each other before rushing into having babies.
-Keep separate checking accounts a.k.a. don't fight over money
-Compromise, compromise, compromise
-Behave appropiatly on bussiness functions i.e. don't demand PDA on the company's picnic
-Keep single females away from yoru household,
-Be gracious with your in-laws. Always send b-day cards and attend their family functions.
-Be a creative lover
-Have a sense of humor!!!!!
-Have a hobbie or a job to keep you productive.
-Always strike your husbands ego.
-Do not buy him socks, undies or "cute" snow men t-shirts for Christmas.
-Socialize with other married couples your age
-Leave the past in the past. Do not scold him over past gorfriends or what he did or nor do with ex-flames. You are the wife, leave his past alone. You cannot change the past.
-Treat each other with respect. Do not use foul words or past mistakes to get back at each other.
-Never keep a "fault score board".
-Never say : You NEVER or You always... always express what you feel rather than what you think: For example: instead of saying: you never listen to me anymore... you can say: I feel ignored when you....
-Don't sweat the small stuff. Pick your fights well.
-You are not always right.
-Men are forgetful. If he forgets your birthday, is not the end of the world. Remind him of special dates so noone will be dissapointed.
-Men are not mind readers, don't wait for him to figure things out, just tell him what's wrong or what do you want.
-If you you tell him that "nothing is wrong" then he will act as f "nothing is wrong", if your tell him that you want "nothing" for yoru birthday, he will do just that. Be as specific as possible, communicate well and avoid common and silly arguments this way.
-Never break his trust.
-Keep temptation away at all times


Good luck

Answer 2

PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS
Live every day being thankful that you found love. Sure, you'll have fights about stuff, but thats part of life, you get over the small stuff.
DO NOT say hurtful things to each other, EVER.. These things leave scars and make it easy to hold grudges or make one suspicious of anothers feelingds toward eachother
Do take time to make your mate feel appreciated even for little things done so often on a daily basis. When these things go unnoticed, things get dull.
Do laugh as much as possible
Think of your future as a new journey together .Being married is a fulfilling commitment, or why else would you get married?
Break away from the same routine of every day life whenever possible. Even if its just once a month. Have a date night. It really works!!!
I could go on and on...
Just remember why you fell in love. Know that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. If you think it might be, then start watering your own lawn alittle more. (I'll explain in a minute)
Treat your marriage well and you will have bliss. If you ever see old people holding hands in public, stop them and ask them what they do to keep a strong marriage.You'd be suprised at how willing they are to share their secrets.
This world has gone wild!. Its easy to get caught up in all the scandal but it is better to sit back and watch, instead of participating. Just look around and be happy that you have found happiness, cuz it doesn't get any better than to share life with someone you love. Oh, CONGRATULATIONS. This comes from someone who HAD all that and lost it because I got too comfortable with my same old everyday life and decided to cheat on my husband because I was bored. If I had this advice long ago I would still be married. Biggest mistake I ever made and I would go back if I could. By the way, I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man that I will marry, but I had to go through hell to get back where I am . I'm doing it right this time.

Answer 3

What you fight about - the topic - is never really the thing that is bothering you - the issue. Don't argue about the wrong things.
Don't be selfish - ever. Get used to it, and you will enjoy giving to your husband and kids.
Things naturally wax and wane, don't let it freak you out.
Women and men are fundamentally different - just a fact, not a feminism thing or anything. Women talk way more than men, men want to solve problems and not talk about them. Figure out each other as soon as you can to give each other the right kind of support you each need.
Guys need a "cave", just as we women need our escape.
Once you are married, your business becomes private. No sniggering or gossiping with girlfriends about what's going on between you and your man. Just don't do it.
Love really grows every day, and every year.
Marriage is hard work, that's what makes it such a wonderful challenge. If you love each other, all the sacrifice is worth it.
Don't go to bed angry. Even if you are still yelling at each other at 3 a.m.
Make sure you have goals set as a couple. For example, we knew we wanted a family, and discussed often how we would raise children.
We made sure we married each other because of a similar heritage and same religion. It was really important to us, but I know it's not for everyone.
Don't worry so much about the wedding and its planning; the marriage is what is important.
Good luck. Love your man and he will cherish you!!!

Answer 4

Some good advice,never stop talking to each other,never take the other for granted and never stop growing together.Communication in a relationship is extremely important,discuss your differences and work out the problems.Watch the bank account because money can be a deal breaker if you are not careful.Always support, respect, and honor the other an expect the same in return.This is something that I would encourage everyone getting married to remember.Remember the part of the vows that read "in good times and bad,in sickness and in health,till death do us part". It may not sound like much but you would be surprised at how many people forget these words when things are tough.Work together.

Answer 5

Communication is key. Talk about everything. That being said, don't make the mistake that what is important to you is/was/should be important to your man. He has independent thoughts, too. The two of you have to chisel out a process of sharing, respecting, and honoring each other, exclusive of others. Also, if he is imperfect and you have designs on "how to improve", you are in for a big disappointment. Generally speaking, guys never change and gals never stop changing. There is a balance to this yin and yang. Both of you are entrusted to find tolerance, patience, and above all forgiveness. Both of you will screw something up, more than once. Keep your eyes high and move ahead with agreement. Sometimes, that means that you agree to disagree. Always be ready with an answer when the question bears "Why do you love him?"

Answer 6

talk about everything before you get married such as money,kids,in laws,holiday's with family.Bring up every possible senario and work thru it now.When you get married always talk about everything if you have a problem don't scream and yell and don't sulk and not talk.People usually do one or the other don't do it because once you build that wall you can't take it down.Love each other unconditionally flaws and everything.If you love someone you live with them like there is no tomorrow don't say hurtful things and do hurtful things cuz you can't take them back no matter what.I am happily married but i have been divorced the reason for the divorce was money,age difference he was ten years older and tried to be my dad and not my husband,He never talked to me was very controlling.We were intimate only once every three weeks or so after many many conversations and complaints i moved on because i knew he wasn't the one.I had made a huge mistake and we had a child together.So make sure this is the one and talk about everything before marriage and don't spend huge amount on the wedding because that day doesn't matter as much as the rest of your life together.....well good luck

Answer 7

Here are our best suggestions concerning long-term relationships. We're goin' strong after 36 years.

1) You should have a good list of common interests; things you enjoy doing together. You should also just enjoy "being" together; doing nothing.

2) You should have a good sense of compromise and tolerance, because you're not exactly the same. If you can't work out the small s__t, you're gonna have real trouble with the BIG s__t.

3) You should have a good sense of sympathy and forgiveness, because - being human - you're both going to screw up on occasion. The key is being able to forgive, learn from mistakes if there's a "lesson," pick yourself back up and move on with your lives. Holding a person's mistakes over their heads forever is just perverse and evil.

4) It's a "red flag" if you hear the phrases "my friends" or "your friends, "my money" or "your money." You should have a common group of friends - for the most part, and one money pot.

If you can get down with all of that, you'll be doing real well, and better than most other couples that don't "get it."

Answer 8

1. Communication is number one.
2. Trusting the other with open communication goes along with it. You can't be mad at eachother for sharing your thoughts.
3. Be dedicated.
4. Always keep marriage #1. Job, other family, children are all important, but the marriage is number 1. Even over children.
5. Know what you are getting into. Discuss philosophies on religion, children etc before you get married. If big differences are there, work these out before you marry!
6. Listen.
7. You get out of it what you put into it.
8. A good sex life is VERY VERY important.

Answer 9

My advice is to not focus on the wedding but the marriage. It's good that you're asking yourself these types of questions but the two of you need to talk about it. How well do you know one another? Talk.
Be patient. Be compassionate. Be loving. Be forgiving. Don't lose intimacy. Have sex. ( my husband thinks the last one is "that simple" ). It's hard to boil down what goes wrong when you get divorced. I believe my first (and only) divorce came about because I really didn't know my ex very well. We both had things we were dealing with that contributed to the failure of our marriage. I also believe I gave up all to easily. It's sometimes a little too easy to just walk away when things get tough (and they will). Know each other and don't have unrealistic expectations. At any rate, good luck.

Answer 10

Talk!!! All the time and very honestly. I've been very happily married for 7 years and I can say we're better now than we've ever been. The key is that we have meetings every other Friday night. We drop my daughter with my mom and go to dinner. We lay it all on the line from the last 2 weeks. Sometimes the conversation is not so fun, but we always end up knowing exactly how the other person is feeling, have time to smooth things out if needed before things get bad. If you hold it in it turns into poison in your heart.

And tell each other that you love eachother every single day.

Answer 11

Oh wow. Great question!
First of all, don't come at marriage with the angle of "last a long time" but come at it with the idea of it "lasting a lifetime" Don't ever make divorce an option.
Second: People are going to disagree with this one, but I make it a policy to not stay in touch with old guy friends/old boyfriends. I do not talk to men in an outgoing, flirty sort of way either. It just keeps my husband from questioning, and myself from even coming close to looking at other men.
Third: We try to keep sex interesting. Enough said.
Fourth: We talk about EVERYTHING. If something is too uncomfortable for you to talk to your fiance about now, it's going to be just as hard later. Force yourself to be open and up-front with him.
Fifth: Wait on kids until you can't wait anymore. Get to know each other as much as possible. This is something I wish I'd done. We had a kid 1 year after we got married, and it has been wonderful to have a child, but we miss our alone times.
Good luck!