My ex recently came back into my daughters life is he taking me for a ride?

Question

I got pregnant by my ex and whilst i was 8 months gone he got off with one of my closest friends.

I do not have anything to do with her anymore and I kicked him out of the house. Once she was born he hardly made an effort an after just 3 months he stopped seeing her completely. He didn't offer me anything to help raise her and now as a single mother I am struggling with all the costs.

Just recently after 8 months he has decided he want to see her again - so for the sake of my daughter not resenting me in the future I have allowed him to see her.
He has come round once and now feels as though we are back to normal. I do not feel comfortable with this but can't turn him away. He has gone back to his old ways with me which now makes me cringe. He is not offering a penny still and just expects to see her when he pleases.

I do not know what I can do because I don't want my daughter to resent me in the future yet he doesn't deserve to be a father to her.
What can I do ?

Answer 1

You need money and he should supply it to support the daughter that both of you made. I do not know if you are from the US but if you are then you can take him to court in most states and sue for past child support. Consult a lawyer. And, while doing this do not deny him the right to see his daughter, so long as he is not a threat to her well being.

Answer 2

you are absolutely correct....
you should only let him back into you and your daughters life for the sake that, that is her father but he does not need to be living with you all and he should be paying child support and then you can get court ordered visitation rights and then it will not be like before when he just up and did what most men do best and that is run away from issues instead of facing them.
You have some decisions that you have to make and you also need to let him know where you stand when it comes you you two. Let him know that you two are not a couple just parents raising a child.

Good luck and keep me posted.....!!!

Answer 3

Your daughter WILL resent you if you prevent her from seeing her dad. Believe me. Why don't you take him to court to set up child support? Then just back off and let him be in his daughters life. As long as he isn't abusive to her, what happens between you and him should have nothing to do with your daughter. Who cares that he makes you cringe. That isn't your daughter's problem.

Let him know that you do not want a relationship with him. At least he is making an effort to see her. That should count ffor something. Please, don't put your daughter in the middle. It isn't fair to her. And also don't bad mouth him in front of her.


EDIT: If you withhold your daughter from seeing her Dad because he isn't paying child support you are usuing her as a weapon, don't do that to her. Her relationship with her dad is more important than money. That being said DO go to court and get child support and visitation set up. Getting visitation helps keep a schedule so that he doesn't just drop in whenever he wants.

Answer 4

Sounds like you made it hard for him to see her in the beginning and he gave up. It's his kid too, try not to think so much about your self and think about your kid, she will hold it against you when she finds out you kept her away from her father. Try to forgive him it sounds like you are holding a grudge, he is human just like everyone else and all humans make mistakes at some point, especially if your spouse leaves you for 8 months, try and get over this cause you are your little girls role model and you dont want to show her how to be bitter and hold a grudge.

Answer 5

Maybe arrange for him to see the child elsewhere, a friends or relatives house, then you don't have to see him. Also contact the csa, he shuld be paying toward her upkeep. Also tell him you want some structure as to when he visits the child, say sundays and wednesdays, then as your daughter gets older she knows which days she will see her father. Good lock!

Answer 6

u brought tears in my eyes
I dont think u r Ex wud have changed
If u not solve it now it wud then create huge problems
If tat idiot cud leave u when u r 8 months preg then u shud come 2 know wat kinda character abou woman he has got
I think tat u shud go 2 court but i m confused tat if he left u at tat time then how he cud show his face 2 u and u r daughter
Just b careful if he again tries 2 b very much close 2 u r daughter

But why wud he do so?//
Is he really changed tat u have 2 find out u have 2make u r own decisions

Answer 7

You have to let the father see her daughter, but make sure you lay down the 'terms and conditions'. Tell the father, when you are available and when it would be convenient for you and your daughter, not for him.
Also maybe try and make him feel guilty about his responsabilities as a father, and how he has neglected his daughter, and you. Let him know that you are struggling, and how he has done nothing to help..

Answer 8

Lay out some ground rules for him and stick to them. Let him know things aren't back to "normal". But give him a chance within your framework to prove whether he is legitimately interested in being a part of his daughter's life.

Answer 9

he shouldn't be allowed to walze in and out of your life whenever he chooses to. he is also not offering u any support, if u do not feel comfortable with him, and u can see no real change in him, don't allow him into your life. u do have a choice here.he is using u he may not be getting along with his girlfriend and is also now cheating on her with u. have some self respect for yourself, file for some child support, keep him out of your life, as he will cheat on u again, even the birth of his child did not matter to him. u need to stand up for yourself, don't allow this into your life, he is probably just having problems with her, and when they work things out he will be back with her. your just setting yourself up for more heartache as if he truly loved u he never could have left u in the first place, he is only thinking about himself, send him on back to the other woman and make a new life for yourself.

Answer 10

By law it is his right as her Father to see her, regardless if he pays or not! It is up to you to go to court and have child support set and make sure he pays it! It is not up to you to say if he has a relationship with his daughter or not. It is not up to you to judge him! Your daughter will RESENT YOU IF YOU INTER FEAR! Let their relationship be, whatever it is. Then nobody will ever be able to say you inter feared and it's your fault! Let it be completely on his head!