Anyone in this situation, or have u been, I need emotional support?

Question

So Im agreeing to let my x have my kids f/t just until I get my life going. I've stayed at home with them ever since they we're born. Almost 14 yrs. On Wed Im bringing them over to Dads and starting a new very scary life, (moving and a new job) Its role reversal time, i plan to make myself very successful and get them back half time if not more. I just pray Im doing the right thing. Anyone been a similiar situation? How did it work out for you?

trust me I don't want to give up my kids, but I feel it's in there best intrest given my circumstances which is hard to explain. I;m a single mom with twin teenage girls and my son whos 8. They dont deserve to be without me when Im at work 60 hrs a week and maybe even working two jobs and studying for a big test . Its what happens when you divorce, so I now see why Dr Laura and my mom are so against divorce when u have children. It only hurts the kids. Its much too late to look back I hate my x and would never take him back.

Do ya all understand that i DONT have any other choice. I refuse to bring three children into a tiny new home. Im doing whats best for them. I will get them back once i get going which wont be long, I have to much fire in my belly to not succed. I also want them to see how hard I work and how I dont rely on a man. Call me a feminist but they will be educated and do things the right way so they always will have a career to fall back on, if they decide to stay at home (which I want them to do) with there kids. I will call them everyday (unlike Dad does now) and reassure them how much I love them. Yes, I will more than likely travel and go out after work but I sacrificed all of my" twenties" being with my twins. I never went out, just the close to perfect mom.

I was at dinner last week and my friend made me open my cookie to read the fortune, it said...Your success will astonish everyone. I really hope thats true, things like that always seem to happen to me when major life changes happen, like dreams and stuff...

Answer 1

When I divorced my ex-husband of 18 years, I moved about 160 miles away and started a new job too. I had a new house and a whole new (scary) life. My kids were in the middle of the school year and I didn't want to disturb them, so I left them full-time with their father until summer vacation started. I visited them every weekend and called almost every day. The only problem was that they were teenagers and I started to develop a life of my own for the first time ever while I was alone in another city. I met a new man and became very serious. Plus, my new job was very time consuming. I had new classes that I was taking for working out and new friends to socialize with too. It was actually stressful for me to have them come live with me after I was settled, just because I had gotten used to being on my own and single. It took some time for us to work it all out. I was home with them for all of their lives and pretty much raised them myself as my ex didn't participate. I figured that it was my time while I was settling into my new life after 18 years of raising children.

I did send my youngest daughter back to live with her dad because her friends were all there in that city and because she was happier in school. The oldest child is on her own and I have the middle one with me and my fiance. We have been pretty darn happy as a threesome family and my fiance and I are raising my daughter together now, which takes an enormous load off of me all of the time and allows my guy and I to have alone time together even though we have a teenager in the house still. When she graduates, we plan to sell everything and move onto our boat and sail the world for retirement. I can't wait! Dreams do change and can come true!

Be patient, moving on with your life takes courage and time. You can be a single mom and still be a little bit selfish. You deserve some time to yourself too and don't let anyone try to make you feel guilty. Don't be a maryr for your kids - they won't appreciate it and it doesn't pay. Enjoy your freedom for a while. You raised your kids and they will not desert you while you rebuild. Just explain it all to them.

Answer 2

I am watching my daughter do what you are doing. You will regret giving up your kids. You want to work, and start a new life , which means partying after work if you do not have your kids. With the kids you are going to have work , and come home and be a parent. You want to leave that part of your life out. But you want your kids to love you and be there for only special occasions. You are worried about you not your kids and are too afraid to admit it. Grow up. Life is not a party. You want to be a success at the cost of your kids. You are using the excuse you hate your spouse. If he is so bad , yet you will leave your kids with him. You better take a look at that statement. You will live to regret this decision. I had an aunt that left her daughter with her husband for the same reason. To this day the daughter hates her mother. They speak, and spend a little time together at holidays, but it never will be good. In fact when her mother got sick , she said to her find your boyfriends to take care of you now, you were not there for me as a child I will not be there for you when you are too old to party.

Answer 3

There going to be damage there. As a women I can understand your needs and wants. If there teenagers now or younger you just might have a hard time getting them back. They may not want to go back to you, the teenagers. But if there younger under 12. I wouldn't do it. Here you raised your kids for 14 yrs. In now you want to leave them behind. If there younger then 12 they need you. You just need to be like every single mom. Sometimes I didn't have a babysitter I didn't know what to do. At one time I had to work 2 jobs just to pay the bills. But I had to quilt one because of no one to watch my little one. But you know I manged in I came out of it. I went though all the up in downs. I even manged to go to school while my kids were in school. And am going back to school. As a mother I wouldn't. Your going to mess them. In if you want professional answer read stupid things parents do to mess up their kids. By Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger. This is a good book easy reading in right to the point. I think it could help you out.

Answer 4

My parents have both acted similarly at times. They understood when they needed to pursue something for themselves and chose to put their children in a more supporting environment while that happened. This was during the course of a divorce.

Acting in their best interests is paramount. Remember, they need emotional support too. Try to explain to them why this is happening, what you want to provide for them, and how you intend to go about getting it. Kids are resilient, and you seem very strong. Best of luck.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

My god, I could never do that. I have been home with my kids since they were born and there is no way I could let them go. I understand wanting to have a better life but why can't you do it with your kids? How are they taking it? I couldn't do what you are doing.

Answer 7

it's great your looking forward and starting a new life, but you need to do it with your kids. They WILL resent you, not openly but it will be there. I've seen it in my line of work.
Stay with the kids. Live close enough to the ex so he can help you with the kids, but don't give them up.

Answer 8

Haven't been there....but have know a few that have....once they gave up their children, it was very hard for them to get them back....almost impossible. I would suggest NOT doing it....and I think and feel that in the long run, you kids could resent you for doing so as well.

Answer 9

You are doing a very awesome thing! Starting a new life and a new job is impressive. Adversity always makes one stronger, and you will be fine in the long run.

Answer 10

Be careful. Sometimes things in life don't always turn out the way we want or expect them to.