How do I pass the months until I can get pregnant again?

Question

I miscarried 2 and half weeks ago with the baby that we conceived on our honeymoon...I'm so depressed, I can't stand it. My husband and I argue non-stop, I don't care about the things I used to care about, I don't want to get dressed and leave the house...I'm not the person I was.

I want to get pregnant again, but every hour of every day is excrutiating. I want THAT baby, the baby to be born this July, the one conceived in Singapore...I would have been 17.5 weeks today...I would have been finding out the sex sometime soon.

How do I pass the time until I can get pregnant again? What do I say when people ask me "how are you"?

I'm 24, but what difference does that make?

Answer 1

To answer your last question first, if they're not terribly close to you, you smile and say, "Fine, thank you." If they're very close friends, then they probably know how you're feeling, and all you have to say is "I'm not having a very good day today" or something similar.

In the mean time, please go get some counseling for your grief. This is very typical when one loses a pregnancy and it would help you to learn some coping skills to help settle your feelings and learn to accept what's happened.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your loss believe me I know exactly what your going through. The same thing happened to me about the same time last year , i would have been due in july too! And I just had another, Iknow the pain can be horrible at times and thats all youn think about. YOu might blame yourself and tryt to think of something you may have did. But the facts are that there is nothing that your could have done to make this stop or not happen. And you need to try and find comfort in the fact that if you baby would have been born it would have had a poor like due to major defects, which are the cause of 99% of MC. God is watching out for you and your husband and wants the best for you both and it may not seem that way now but it's his was of telling you that this baby wasen't right for you and he wants better for you he wants you to have a perfect HEALTY baby that you can love and enjoy. Try to rest and take care of youself. As ofr you and your husband you just need to talk to him a lot and let him know exactly how your feeling b/c most of the time they don't understand the emotion adn the pain they your going through. as for other people just tell them it's hard b/c thats the truth and maybe you could look into joining a support group when you feel ready.

Answer 3

I think you need to try to look at this the best way possible (I know NOTHING about this seems positive). Your baby miscarried b/c something was wrong with the way he/she was developing. Your body and the baby's body sensed that something was not right and would not ever be right with that baby. Sometimes nature just knows when the time is right for someone's life to be over, even if its as short as your baby's was. Try to get your life back on schedule and work things out with you and your husband before you worry about having another baby. Miscarriage rates for first time mothers are as high as 1 in 3. You didn't do anything wrong and nothing is wrong with you, b/c 33% of other women will or have experienced the same exact thing.

You should also look into some counseling so you can talk to someone about your feelings.

Answer 4

First you need to console yourself with the fact that everything happens for a reason, I miscarried 2 and a half months b4 getting preggers with my son, I hit rock bottom drinking all day and sleeping all night for a month, and then got preggers as soon as we had doc's approval to try. One thing I had to accept was that I was not pregnant anymore, and I know now, had I not had the miscarriage, I wouldnt have the beautiful boy that I have now, I will never forget that baby, I actually did a meditation and found out the sex (may sound weird, but it helps) I named that baby and said goodbye, you need to find closure before you can move on. Your husband can never understand how important that baby was to you, but with his help, the 2 of you can grow from this, stop closing him out, he may not understand how you feel, but remember, he lost that baby as well. As far as other people go, I simply would say "I'm surviving", I started saying that after my miscarriage, and hear almost 2 years later, I still say it. That baby is gone, and as terrible as it sounds, it is for the best, pass the time by thinking about what you can offer to the next soul that comes into your womb and life. Blessed Be

Answer 5

I have had two miscarriages so I understand what you are going through. It always helped me to talk to other people who understood. People who have exprienced that kind of loss. You do have to get on with your life. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to stay in my safe little room, in bed. So, I gave myself a couple of weeks to mourn in my house away from society. Then after my couple of weeks were up. I went back to work. I was still very very sad but I tried my best to get on with my life and looked forward to the day that I would have a baby. I have came to the conclusion that it will happen when the time is right. That is how it was for me. I know have a beautiful baby boy. And he is even more precious now that I know what a miracle he is.
When people ask you how you are just be honest. Tell them how much this really sucks! Those that care about you want to know.
As far as passing the time till you can try again. Just stay busy. Do things that keep your mind off of your pain. Go to see a funny movie or rent some movies. Me and my husband went bowling.
I hope this helps.

Answer 6

Your situation is VERY similar to mine. My husband and I got pregnant with a baby that was due in July and I had a miscarriage in Dec. I felt so awful and was depressed as well. My family and even my husband kept saying that we can try again but I wanted that baby. I got results later and it turned out we miscarried because the baby had Turner Syndrome. My husband and I are both fine and we were given the green light to try again after having one normal period. We tried during my ovulation cycle this month and I am hoping I am pregnant again. I won't know until mid-Feb.
I know it is so tough to get over but focus on the fact that you are able to concieve and you are young so you can try again soon.
I'm so sorry because I know words don't mean much but take it from someone who has been in your shoes that time will slowly help you heal.
Good luck!!!

Answer 7

First stop fighting with your husband, if you drive him away there wont be another baby, I too miscarried my first pregnancy conceived on our honeymoon, I was devastated but life goes on. It took me 5 months to conceive after this. I look at my son and think if that first pregnancy was ok I wouldn't have him, and he is a beautiful boy. So i am sorry for your loss, but you need to pull yourself together, get dressed and get out of the house, the more depressed you get the harder it will be to fall again. Like I said give your husband a break its not his fault, and he would be hurting too.

Answer 8

First off...I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 6 weeks and 2 days on 10/16/06. There seriously isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about him. No, we have no way of knowing if we were having a boy or a girl, but in our hearts we know he was our lil boy.

After it happened I took a week off of work, I work in an elementary school. The first day back was hell...everyone asking how I was. People who I could care less about or who never gave me the time of day before this acted like my "best friends". A teacher I work with told me that we now have the littlest angel in our corner of heaven. Many times I ask why, and will never know. Its amazing how many people came up to me afterwards telling me they went through the same thing. One teacher told me something that I am sticking with, and I think you can too. Feel selfish!!! You wanted this baby...people will say, oh you can try again. That doesnt help any...THIS baby, your first one....that is what you wanted.

I went through major depression...I called my doc, cause for the first week and some days afterwards, I didnt sleep at all. He agreed to get me set up with a counselor, but I didnt go through with it. There are days when I think I need to go, but I am trying to get though each day...some how!

Its hard, but remember, your husband is also suffering through the same loss as you are, even though physically you were the one to go through it. Give each other time and space, but remember the love that helped to create that baby.

As for what to do until the time passes....every month when I discover that I am not pregnant, I feel awful...majorly sad. But I am not giving up hope. We got pregant the first time without officially trying. We just got married on May 20, 2006...and our lil one woulda been due not long after our 1st anniversery. So after each month when I have discovered I am not pregnant again, we just say we will "not try" again. I have not given up hope...I am now 3 days late, but am afraid to take a pregnancy test...afraid it will be negative. But I am not giving up hope....please dont either!

If you wanna talk, email me sometime...I understand what you are going through and feeling. PEACE

Answer 9

You should get therapy. At some point you have to let go of the one you lost in favor of the ones you'll have. You're taking yourself away from your other babies by not focusing on them instead of the one you lost.

I lost one early on, I know how hard it is. But at some point you have to find solace in the fact that nothing is forever and at some point you will see that baby again in heaven, since He never loses one that is his... or whatever system you believe in.

Now I have a beautiful newborn son to focus my energies on.

As for arguing with your husband all the time, if you cant be in love with him, you will never be in love with your children, or be able to provide them with the best. You're married to him, not your kids. Spend time with him getting your head straight, and then start to focus on the babies you will have some day soon.

The rest is all about sex and patience.

Answer 10

Focus on the marriage no need to bring children in if you are grieving and fighting. I am sorry for your loss and understand but that baby is gone and you need to be ready for the next one not as a replacement but as your child. If people ask and are asking about this in particular tell them if its a hypothetical question dont share to much people may back away from you if unsure what to say to you. Good luck!