he lied to me about it. This was not the first time it happened, everytime he is sorry, he was feeling lonely, he was looking for friends(female)...I spoke to a pastor and he said that I must leave him, it is in his nature and he is not going to change. Now, I have two options, either I stay where we live now, without him and close to him or I move to my mother, where I will be staying on my own in a room under her house(double story). Now if I stay with my mom, I dont need to pay rent, but I need to pay for my meals. I also need to quit my current job, which I like, but will have a job if I stay with my mom, and get the same pay. My mom owns her own company that does training, and I have worked for her before I got married and moved away. I am on leave but have to be back by Thursday, so I dont have a lot of time to decide what to do. At least i will have her support during the divorce, and I wont be neer my husband, as I am afraid that I will fall back into the same routine...Help!!!
2007-02-05 06:40:00 · 29 answers · asked by Apie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, since its not the first time he's done this and God only knows what else he has done behind your back, I sugggest you bail on him. It's obvious he was not ready to get married. Good luck to you and stay strong, you will be fine.
2007-02-05 06:46:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
But he didn't cheat on you, dear....Sure, it's not a good sign, but for crying out loud ! Always remember - you can look, but NEVER touch and it doesn't seem he's done that(let's hope). Please don't jump ship over this yet. Your pastor is clearly wrong in telling you that it's "His Nature" and he'll never change. It's EVERYONES nature to be curious ! Give the man a chance for Pete's sake. He's your husband and people make mistakes. You'd be suprised what a 2nd chance might do. Best to you, hun. Only only only use divorce as a LAST resort if all else has already failed. Never divorce just because you're mad at some taboo behavior. Maybe it's me, but it sounds like there must be more to it than this. If you are seriously that devestated, try seperating for a while first, not divorce. Is it possible this could be the result of something YOU did, or maybe haven't been doing to make him happy ? Curious, indeed.
2007-02-05 06:50:41 · answer #2 · answered by Lexington 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand your hurt feelings but SLOW WAYYYY DOWN.
I am married and have been through a few things with my husband BUT we went to marriage counseling, had very honest and difficult conversations and choose to love one another and work things through. I do believe people can change. I know everyone is going to freak out when I say this but is there a chance that he really does feel lonely? It is not your fault that he's doing these things but you really ought to know exactly what's going on before divorcing. However, you seem to have already made up your mind. You need your own life so if you're bent on leaving then find an inexpensive apartment for a while and put your life back together on your own terms. It is much more difficult having either your mom's influence or your husband's (ex).
2007-02-05 06:56:33 · answer #3 · answered by Yogini 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOUR pastor spoke those words ?? * Leave him *..??? *sigh*, a man of God does NOT say those words unless it is a last resort...... Marriage is NOT something to just throw away !!!!!!! Have you talked, gotten help, etc... sold the computor, thrown it out ??? Divorce is NOT to be used as an easy way out if or when things get a little tough..... I should know, I have been married now to the SAME man for 30 yrs, and we have been through EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you could think of or imagine, but we got thru it ALL !!! It is NOT easy and takes commitment, sacrifice, love, trust, etc..... to get to the end of the tunnel and out of the darkness, but it can be done.... DO NOT leave your husband just because you are told it is the right thing, the ONLY reason you should leave him is because YOU feel it is the ONLY thing that is right and there is no more and nothing left to be done to fix it........ God bless
2007-02-05 06:52:44 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ironic that a pastor would tell you he will not change and it is his nature. What happened to forgiveness and redemption?
So you are divorcing because he was on the internet? Let me get this straight. No physical contact, no sex, no face to face meetings. Just internet chat? For this you are going to divorce based on the advice of a pastor who does not understand forgiveness.
You have some really warped sense of marriage and the amount of nurturing that a relationship entails.
I think you should move back home with mommy because you obviously do not possess the maturity for marriage or living alone.
2007-02-05 06:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a committment, both of you must go and get some Godly counseling, and find out what the root of the problem is. I suggest that you go to another Pastor....By you leaving him won't help neither one of you. Has your husband cheated on you, or met any of these women? Biblically the only grounds for divorce is if one of the spouses commits adultery, or unles you're in a abusive marriage. Have you ever thought about praying for your husband? Ask God to show the both of you how to get through this tough time. I understand that you're hurt, but if you love him like you say you do your love for him will not fail. Love never fails, and God is Love. Ask God to restore your marriage and to heal your broken heart. Forgive your husband, and learn to not put expectations on him b/c you will be disappointed when he misses up. Only love can overcome.
It must be something that may have happened before he met you for him to feel lonely....Is he addicted to Pornography? It takes time, but there is hope for your marriage. Don't give up, b/c when the both of you got married you "Promised" unto God that you would be there through thick and thin...Welcome to marraige...Don't harbor bitterness nor resentment because it will destroy your relationship.
2007-02-05 06:51:12 · answer #6 · answered by unknown 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've already made your decision and moving back to your mom is what you want to do. You've only been married a year, have you considered counseling or some other method in which to possibly save your marriage?
If you're sure you want to leave, then go to your mom. There's no support like the support of your immediate family. You can work and save money by living with you. Save enough money to buy your own place.
2007-02-05 07:00:43 · answer #7 · answered by Jilli Bean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of pastor advocates divorce??? I'm not a religious person at all...just always heard of them trying to help you through your problems with counseling, not telling you to leave your husband. I would get to the bottom of this. Maybe your husband just needs more attention from you at home. He may not feel desired by you and feels the need to get attention from other women to fill the void. I do not feel that you need to leave him without finding the real cause behind his behavior. If you discover that, then you can decide to work on things or leave to your mom's.
2007-02-05 06:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well. It is quite clear that you know what is best for you. You keep on telling, in your text, that you are better off with your mother, so do that.
I must say that in the future you must be more careful when choosing your men. Not that I think that there is anything wrong with yours, it seems to me that you are just too different. I myself am going through a similar situation. Because my husband does not give me attention, I am thinking of trying these chatzones. I know, that if I tell him about it he will not agree. I have told me how I feel and he just says he doesn't feel like dating, going out, dancing, having sex, etc... so he won't do it.
comples, uh!
good luck to you the next time
2007-02-05 06:55:52 · answer #9 · answered by jeff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like you have a good plan, and if you already thought about a divorce their are obviously other issues in this relationship and marriage that are not working for you.
There is no reason for a married man to look for female friends on-line, unless he looks to find some on the side fun, if he has not already. So yes. Get out while you can. If you cannot work this out and have a way to support yourself, file for divorce and have the support of your family and friends throughout this. You deserve better.
2007-02-05 06:56:03 · answer #10 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What's the downside of moving in with mom for a while? This is what I would do - providing you two have a good relationship. Whatever you decide to do, leaving your husband should be a part of the picture; I agree with your pastor, this person is not going to change - so if you can't accept his ways, you need to leave and look for someone else.
2007-02-05 06:47:26 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋