What’s wrong with my wife?

Question

She basically hates me one day then loves me the next based on small arguments or if I need some space after an argument. She accuses me of affairs or doesn’t like me working with women hotter than a 2 on the 10 scale. She constantly thinks I want to get back with my ex. wife. She threatens divorce all the time because she says I don’t do anything. Actually I do most of the house work and she does very little. She can go from crying and saying that she couldn’t live without me to she hopes I get hit by a truck if she’s upset with me. I don’t mean to tot my own horn but I’m getting the impression that she thinks I’m too good for her and she tries to run me down to her level so that once I feel as crappy as her, then I won’t leave her. How do insecure people act when they’re afraid their better half is going to leave or that they aren’t good enough to be with their spouse? Do they constantly criticize and threaten to leave to spare themselves the pain that eventually their better spouse will leave them? Seems like what is going on with my wife. I could be wrong. Advice on this behavior?

Answer 1

Did you marry my ex wife??? What you write sounds exactly my ex.. From the day after we married she accused me of looking at another woman in the grocery store. It went down hill from there. I was accused of every woman who walked in front of the car at a stop light that I wanted in her pants! I didn't dare look up at a waitress while ordering a meal. This and worse went on for 16 years...

I was so mentally abused I thought I was the worst person on the face of the earth. When we finally divorced, at her demand, it took me over a year and a half to realize that I wasn't the looser but the winner. She is one sick woman. I never had an affair while married to her. She even accused me of having someone kill her when our house was broken into by a burgler.

My advice is don't stay with your wife if she is doing this to you. The woman I was married to was my second wife and I wanted the marriage to work so I put up with it and accepted what she said, that I was a womanizer and no good. I believed her after awhile.

Most likely your wife needs help but she will never admit to it. I say get away from her before she ruins your life.

Answer 2

Yea, she is really insecure, unless you really counsel and find out if it is otherwise (like bipolar, depression, hormones..pms...whatever), but then, from the whole thing, i feel she is insecure....not sure though

Just may be you are right, and the best way is apart from counselling, you have to spend a lot of time with her...quality time that is, I know you do, and you have already mentioned you do most of the housework...but probably you are not dealing with her actual ''issue'', which you should be. The real issue, the truth, what is it that makes her so upset....and look, its not like her level or your level....that in itself is judging her 'level' wise....And then for sometime, till she understands or gets some counselling you on your part could stop telling her how ''hot'' your colleagues are, I mean, obviously you do tell her right..and you might be evening saying it on a scale of 10...and here, you are breeding her insecurity...similarly..there must be a lot of other off-hand, casual remarks, or comments, or relating some discussion about other women.....which you yourself may not be doing deliberately (and, which I feel you must avoid for sometime, to atleast respect her feelings), but that would be really working in her mind some negative thinking...which comes out in various (negative) expressions later on during the day....but then deep down she loves you and she might be getting upset over the fact that she was horrible towards you and thats when probably she comes and makes up with you....and cries...cos' she knows she was nasty...

On the first instance, get counselling for both of you, not just her....then you could take it from there....

good luck

Answer 3

Honestly, she needs counseling. If she's going through such degrees of emotions like that, something might be wrong. She's feeling very insecure, and there's a reason why, she needs to find out. If she's threatened suicide or to hurt others, it's time for counseling. Something like this didn't happen overnight. You don't all of a sudden hate your other half and be jealous overnight. Talk with her and let her know what you think and explain the reasons why for counseling AND the benefits from it.You both would get answers and feel like a million bucks if you do, and you can't beat that!!! Now, if this makes her feel worse and your marriage worse; it's time to reeavulate your whole situation. Is it worth all the drama, threats etc? Is it draining you emotionally? Are friends/family staying away because of it etc? Let me know how it goes!!! Best Wishes!

Answer 4

She needs more security... She needs to know that you love her more than anything (other than God).

If you're a reader, read the 5 love languages. It will be well worth the time spent reading... If you're not a reader... Just do little things. Start first thing in the morning, say I love you. Not just the quick passing by I love you, but a look her in the eyes I love you.

Call her once or twice during the day, "Honey, I don't have a lot of time to talk, but I was thinking about you and I just wanted to say, "I love you."

Some how some way do something every day to let her know that you love her. So many times we think about people but our thoughts don't bless them... Only our words and our actions.

For you to even write this is a sure sign that you care. You'll be fine :) I'll say a prayer for you two!

Call her!
Be Blessed,

Hope

Be blessed

Answer 5

your wife is suffering an issue of inferiority. That's why she is jealous of everyone. It is not easy at all what you are going through. The only way to resolve it is by rationalizing with her. Let her see things clearly. Ask her:
1-If I want to cheat on you do you think I would be married to you?
2-If I have affairs do you think I would be kind to you? why?
3-Why am I still with you? because you are someone very special.
and from there point out the good qualities she has. let her realize that the bad thoughts don't exist but in her mind. She needs to do something that gives her satisfaction: volunteering, working. Anything that could give a sense of fulfillment on the short run.

Answer 6

so your wife has not always been like this right? i hope not because if she was I'm sure you wouldn't have dated a person like this more than one time. i don't know why just now she would start getting self conscious about herself. (i could be wrong though) it just sounds like something was said or done around your relationship (might not have even had to do with you) that sparked a little jealousy in your wife. maybe one of her friends husbands cheated on her and now your wife is worried that you'll do the same thing, maybe you said something and she took it totally wrong and now she no longer trusts you. it could have been anything but what is sound like to me is that she just needs a little bit of support and reassurance for a while. just try to make her as comfortable as possible with the fact that she is the only woman for you. show her this by doing romantic things for her at least once a week. (dinner, taking her to the beach, or out to the movies) tell her how beautiful she looks (not when she is all made up, when she is just sitting around the house or when she wakes up in the morning)
try to do things like this for awhile and see if this takes care of the problem. if not than i would try marriage counseling.

Answer 7

Well, well, well.... the answer to your question is YES, yes and yes. You nailed it right on the head.

She seems to be inmature, insecure and spoiled, because she seems to throw a tantrum when she doesn't get your attention or her way. Negative attention is attention, and as long as she keeps on getting your attention through drama, she will continue doing it. FYI, no matter how much attention you give her or how much you reassure her, it will never be enough, because she is emotionally co-dependent.
Perhaps she has too much time on her hands to analize what you do or what you don't do for her and lives her life based on what she thiks she deserves and not what it is. A hobbie or a job can help her find a sense of purpose other than obsess about what you need to do for her.

Oh boy. May I suggest counselling? She seems to be stuck in "neurotic misery", a stage where you cannot enjoy your life because you are obsessed with what needs to be "fixed" in your life making everyone around them miserable because they can't never live up to their impossible expectations.

Those divorce threats are just that, threats and are a form of manipulation. Just as an experiment, tell her, ok, lets get a lawyer and see how her attitude will change, because she really doesn't what that, she just want your attention and she is bored already and needs something to do.


Good luck

Answer 8

depending the age of your wife, it could be menopause? Women are particularly sensitive and moody around this time. If not that, then she's very insecure about herself. It's wrong of her to threaten divorce though. She either needs to either..

1. get help and talk to a therapist/marriage counsler
2. realize what her destructive behavior is doing to the relationship and change it
3. get a divorce

love is only half the battle. it seems like you're being a good husband. she needs to at least do her part and meet you half way. she's playing the victim and making you feel guilty about things your should be. that negative energy is never a good thing in any relationship. good luck with your decision and hope everything works out!

Answer 9

I agree with the guy that said this is a typical woman. Girls, coming from a family of 9 women, I have seen us girls throw fits that would make my 3 year old jelous! LOL

Now after reading your question, I noticed you totally forgot to include your flaws. What does she say about you? Think about what she says in a fight. What is she needing from you? I bet she tells you and it goes in 1 ear and right out the other.

This woman is NOT BIPOLAR, nor does she need any medicine.

But it would be VERY helpful if BOTH of you went to counseling. Not just her. YOU TOO!

There is a reason for every action from a wife, especially after you've been together for awhile... This you should already know.

Have you cheated on her in the past? Did your ex wife keep trying to meet up with you? Does she not clean b/c your always playing golf or doing something that YOU like and she feels neglected?
Is she a stay at home mom who's only outting is the grocery store and taking the kids to school?
Do you make her feel special on a regular basis, by bringing her flowers or buying her fave food or treat?
Do you tell her she looks good when she tries on that new dress and do you grope her and kiss and touch her when she is all dressed up?
Do you initiate intimacy by calling her during the day just because your thinking about her? Do you cut her off from sex b/c she didn't ask you in the right way? Do you only want sex when your in the mood and you tend to not be in the mood when she's in the mood? This is important stuff in a marriage.

This woman loves you and she does not think you are too good for her - that is your sad misconception or arrogance...
I mean this woman married you because she loves you and once you've been married for awhile you tend to need more of the little stuff like the phone calls, the flowers, etc...
The worst thing a man can do in a marriage is to stop "DATING" his wife.
She is not at all trying to make you feel crappy, I thin this is her way of tough love or unconditional love. In other words, Shape up, pay attention, put your wife FIRST.
And would you like it if she were working with some hot man who put you to shame, now how would you feel if she came home BRAGGING about that person.
It takes two people to argue and it takes 2 people to communicate.
I think you are totally reading her wrong.

Why don't you try to be more agressive meaning you initiate things. You walk in with flowers or choclate... You have a good conversation with her and stroke her ego.... And when she is wearing that smile, YOU please her without thinking of yourself, and I promise she'll please you!

Also, if you are not having bedroom time with your wife on a regular basis, of course she is going to think you are getting it elsewhere.
And I don't mean a bathroom quikie either.

It seems to me that maybe you've taken her for granted which would totally bring on all those moody feelings.

If you did cheat, then you are the one abusing her and you need to tell us both sides of the story.
A woman does not accuse unless we have solid grounds OR if it's the history of the person - which judging by your pride and arrogance I would almost bet this is the case?
I am curious to know more though!
So keep us posted and good luck.
And give your wife some slack, she's probaly the only woman who has stuck by your side through thick and thin!

Answer 10

She is very insecure. Your best bet is not to antagonize her. You may think you are doing all the right things but in her mind your actions speak different. Unfortunately an insecure person require a LOT of attention, and you will have to do this in order to saty with her. Don't get frustrated, just come across as understanding to her, give in to her demands, say you're sorry even if you didn't do anything wrong. This is the only way to deal with this insecurity. The main thing is NOT to egg her on.