My mother in law usually puts down people in her family and town, she feels she is perfect, I have a feeling she puts me down also behind my back, Ive told my husband about my fears and he responds, "well if she does taht who cares??? you wont be able to change her, you cant please everybody"
He may be right, but what bothers me is how lighlty he talks about the issue.
2007-02-05 05:55:58 · 17 answers · asked by Alejandra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's right. You have a feeling she's saying things, so you're basically inventing problems that you have no proof exist.
Besides, people who bad-mouth other people usually don't get a lot of respect- no one even listens to them anymore. Your husband is right and he's smart to dismiss the whole thing. Don't create drama or problems based on something you think might be happening!!!
2007-02-05 06:04:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a point. Why would you care what she says? People that know you will know that is bs. You cannot change someone. My mom is like that. She has the best in her house, her hair and makeup are always perfect. I got out of the car one day and she said omg your flawed. (I have had freckles across my nose and cheeks all of my life.) Not understanding there was no hi or how are you. I said oh point out which one, I have alot. She said you have freckles. My husband laughed and walked away. I was hurt.
Does your husband know how badly it bothers you? I'm guessing not. Sit him down and tell him. Just brushing over the subject won't work. If he still sees it as not a big deal then take it to the source. Her. Tell her your fears. Don't point a finger. Just talk to her. Somethimes it can make a difference.
Just pick your battles. This could be small in your relationship compared to other things.
2007-02-05 06:06:19 · answer #2 · answered by misstigeress 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mamas boy, huh ? Well, good luck changing anything. I have a mother in law who thinks she does no wrong. My husband has 2 children from his 1st marriage, and recently I confronted her and told her how I felt. That she favors his children over mine, or even our 1 year old we have together. Now, she went beserk! Yelled, and basically told me she is not wrong in the least. Two weeks later she confronted my husband, and this time he told her he feels the same way I do. (IT took a long time for him to do something like that) Anyway, she said to him, how can I love her kids like I do yours? I have onlt known them a few years. So, what have I done? Well, I have finally realized that she is herself, and that people like her can only feel good about them selves when the make others feel bad. A jealousy instinct, perhaps. Either way, fighting with your husband will not help matters. Trust me, I have learned this. Just avoid her. Caller ID? Give him the phone. Tell him that you don't hate his mother, but you don't have to tollerate it either. Your husband does care about your feelings, it's just that she raised him. And the way he looks at it , is that it is no big deal. IF she gets you upset, vent to a friend, not him. He might figure it out someday that his mother is WRONG, but untill then, don't let her control your feelings or hurt your marriage. He chose you. She may hae gave birth to him, but he chose you. He knows that she hurts you, but he just don't understand. You can also tell him that if she puts you down to him, that it is his job as a loving, caring husband to stand up for you. Good luck, and hold on for a long ride.
2007-02-05 07:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to tell you but your husband is actually right.. you wont be able to change her and he certainy cant change her because each person has their individual personality. I think he might talk lightly about the subject because he precisely might not want to take sides in the issues and hurt anybodys feelings.
You have to take in consideration that you are talking about his mother. Who doesnt get touchy when it comes to their mom? . He actually might not want to admit the truth about his mom or he is probably avoiding problems. And I have to say that I agree with him, if she is talking bad about you behind your back then theirs not much you can do. Just take into consideration that your not always gonna be liked by everyone and if she says anything bad about you, dont pay attention, as long as you know who you are and whats going on in your life is the only thing that you should care about.
If your mother in law thinks she is perfect then she might be a problematic person and have a tuff temper, so try to avoid her and take your husbands advice, its actually quite good advice. I dont think he doesnt care about your feelings, i just think hes in a tuff spot since you are his wife and well his mom is his mom and you are both important to him.
2007-02-05 06:06:01 · answer #4 · answered by welling1987 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt this way for a while about my husbands mother but then I got to know her wants I had her grandaughter and she is a nice cool person when she wants to be. We talk alot more. but about your husband its not that he doesn't care its that hes right if this is the kind of person she is then why worry why even think about it, no matter what he does or you do she will never change so why talk about something that can't be helped its basically a losing battle. So he isnt worrying because nothing ill change so he just wants you to be the same why worry its not that importent
2007-02-05 06:01:22 · answer #5 · answered by The H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is trying to make light of the situation because, he is basically right...the woman's feelings and opinions cannot be changed, so why tie yourself up in knots over her? You're the one losing sleep over her attitude, it's not affecting her. You need to just accept that you're not going to be on her "favourite people list" and just move on.
Just go about your own life and let her be.
2007-02-05 06:04:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how mother in laws become this way...they all think they are perfect, somehow.
The only thing you can do is insist your husband tell her that he expects his mother to respect you and if she can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. If you husband refuses to, or does so and she keeps at it and he does nothing else, then your issue is with your husband.
You married a man who is afraid to make his mommy mad. You need to help him grow a spine, without crushing his spine with you. Dicey, indeed.
2007-02-05 06:02:41 · answer #7 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, your husband is probably right, but he could have been a bit more sensitive about how he spoke to you. You husband has been dealing with his mom a lot longer than you have, so he knows what will work and what won't.
2007-02-05 06:00:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my MIL talkes about me too. I remember right after we got married,the 2nd wedding. Her ,MILstupid comments, that I'm lazy bla/bla. I do every thing on my own with no help. But my MIL is REALLY lazy, she doesn't work but she doesn't clean her house! My FIL works 2 jobs and cleans the house NO joke. I don't care what MY mil says bec she is a bi-polar nut case.
2007-02-05 06:01:51 · answer #9 · answered by Monet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband's wife needs to grow up a bit -- taking a cad mother-in-law and turning it into your husband not caring about you is pretty childish.
2007-02-05 06:00:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋