My friend got a girl pregnant and they don't have a relationship, it was basically a one night stand.?

Question

He says he used protection and it broke but she assured him it'd be ok b/c she was on the pill. It wasn't and now he's expecting a child with a women he doesn't know and he doesn't know what to do. The problem is he has a 4 yr. old daughter and loves her mother very much, they had a 5 yr. relationship and they broke it off and during this break he got this girl pregnant. Now he wants the first girl back-to marry her. He is a mess, he can't hardly live with himself for doing this to his daughter and her mother. He wants to be in this childs life but doesn't know how to do it. He knows that in order to have any chance with the first girl, he has to limit contact with the mother, but he wants to have rights to the baby. What is best for this child? A weekend dad who lives 2 hrs away or should he just let the mother get married and her husband adopt the child. She says she can do it on her own and hasn't asked him for anything? Plus, is there a chance for him and mom #1. He knows

that he made a huge mistake but he swears it was a one time thing and she said she was on the pill. Should he be mad at her for lying? What should he do? Anyone whos been through it help, I don't know what to tell him.

Answer 1

This **** seriously irritates me because the laws when it comes to children tend to favor the women. There is almost no way for a man to protect themselves. They need to make male birth control. Something better than condoms. My husband and I separated briefly a few years before we got married and the same thing happened to him. Attorneys will tell you there is almost nothing you can do until the woman files for things like child support. The thing is, they can actually screw you by waiting a while to do it. The child is almost three and she won't let him have any contact with the child. I think the most a man can do is have a court ordered paternity test, but i am not even sure he can do that much, if the mother says it isn't his and then later decides that she wants to screw him over with back child support. The whole thing is very one sided. The only thing men can do to protect themselves is to use a condom every time. If he can he should probably try for full or for regularly scheduled visitations which he should include the woman he wants to be with when he picks the child up so that he can build their trust back up with her, because this has to be killing her. I know that from personal experience.

ps. i don't think it is fair that a woman can have an abortion or give her child up for adoption if she gets knocked up and feels as though she has made a mistake, but if a man does the same thing, he has to "TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS". why is it okay for a woman to not want to take responsibilty, but not a man? okay, i understand if a man has already claimed the child and then they seperate and now he doesn't want this anymore cuz he has to pay, but i don't think it is fair if it is just a mistake.

Answer 2

OK kinda similar to my situation. My hubby and I basically went on a date one night stand. bye see you later!He has a 3 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. His divorce was finalized the day we went out. We stayed in contact and when I found out I was pregnant we tried a relationship it worked married now for 18 months. not saying your Friend should do that! Your Friend should sit girl #1 down and explain the situation and let her understand its a mistake. Mistakes happen unfortunately this means another life is being brought into the world. He needs to also talk to prego girl and let her know whats going on. I'm not to sure where they want to go with it. He can be in the babies life but not hers or he can give up all rights after the baby is born and not have to worry about a thing. Your friend sounds like a great guy! I mean I commend him for trying to do the right thing. I know here in GA if the parents are not married they make you take a DNA test before signing the Birth Cert. That's one thing to do after the baby is born. But then he would have to consider paying child support. But the first thing I would say is definitely talk to both and tell them whats going on. His love may be mad but if she loves him she can look past at what happened and they can take this on as a couple.

Answer 3

Well, its kind of a mute point NOW, but women get pregnant on the pill. It doesn't have to be as black and white as you've described here, they can share custody. You make your bed, you've got to sleep in it. How's he going to "let" the girl do anything? She's a grown woman! They both have their own relationships and who is to say her husband would adopt her child. May happen, may not. Basically, both parents should be there as much as possible for the baby. So it sounds like yes, he will be two hours away, but not "a weekend Dad." He's always going to have to keep in touch and be there albeit from a far some days. I hope he won't resent the new baby. He or she will be just as precious as his first child. Hope it all works out.

Answer 4

First of all you are grown up enough to have sex then you are grown up enough to face your responsibility. Why would they feel they have the right to be mad at anyone other then themselves. If your friend is a good man he will speak with babys momma #1 about the future baby and babys momma #2 he will need to have a friendship relationship for his child. He helped make the baby he needs to be there emotionally and financially for that child... as the baby is innocent.

Answer 5

The one you should feel sorry for is the poor kid. Whatever the circumstances, he should have thought about the consequences. Now, he has to pay 18 years of child support and be a father (DNA test can prove whether he is the father).

Now that he has 2 kids, he should focus on managing himself being a father first. Other matters may straighten themselves out. He doesn't deserve sympathy. It is time for him to own up to what he has done.

Answer 6

Well i may be nasty but if he loved no1 so much he wouldn't have slept with no2 even though they were separated!! He helped no 2 make the baby so he must help raise the baby! He could have put another condom on after the first one broke! He should tell no1 and support no2 as well! Its not just no 2 fault he is just as guilty and I don't feel sorry for him at all! In this day and age no one can afford to have one night stands cause of all the std's and aids and all!!!! Tell you're friend to GROW UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

You play, you pay.
What's best for the child is adoption- these 2 morons can't even begin to be a proper family or give a child a decent, stable life that doesn't involve "visitations" and all that crap.
http://www.adoption.org

Answer 8

He should be HONEST with all parties involved. Only then will he know what he can and needs to do to be a part of everyone's life.

Answer 9

Very complicated and messy. He needs to seek the advice of an attorney as soon as possible!

Answer 10

good luck