I need to listen to other people opinions or even personal experiences on this one.
I've been married now for two years, two months after the marriage my Husband slapped me. After one year it had progressed to punching me in the face, kicking me in the back, stomach and leg. Pulling my hair so hard my whole body was moved upward. Choaking me, turning to twist my neck. I also fought back violently but always he would be the first one to hit me. The last time he touched me it was May 2006, that's because I finally snapped and ran away. I came back, (yes I'll say it for you guys, I acted like a dumb *****). Now his behavior has changed and his no longer violent. The problem is every time he does wrong, no matter how little my anger is totally disperportionate to the current situation. I know that all this anger is because of all the times he hit me. I'm afraid for the rest of my life I will remember how he hit me. I strongly don't believe in divorce. I'm scarred for my future. Please...
2007-02-05 05:40:36 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please, at least separate and get some personal therapy -- THEN consider it there is some way you and a couple's therapist can salvage anything from your marriage
Has he ever apologized? No one deserves to be treated that way no matter what baggage the hitter may have. Please tell me you don't have kids -- I'm sure your husband didn't learn it from a stranger
2007-02-05 05:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by Zee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. You nailed it with this statement:
I'm afraid for the rest of my life I will remember how he hit me. I strongly don't believe in divorce. I'm scarred for my future.
Get yourself a big reality check, there may not be a future if you stay with him. Go with your gut instinct, and you said you are afraid. Divorce is there to help you in these kind of situations. Noone will fault you for leaving an abuser and whoever does is out of their mind. Divorce isn't easy am sure but some things are deal breakers in a relationship and physical abuse is a huge NO NO!
Listen I just found out that my brother in law has been physically abusing my sister. He is lucky that I live far. A man who hits a woman in my books is a coward. Am trying to support my sister to get out and she is away from him, she is at the moment taking a break and contemplating a divorce. I pray that she is not too affected to think of going back to that monster.
Do you have kids? If so you have a huge responsibility to protect them from this man. If you dont have kids, leave now while you can because you dont want to bring kids in such an environment.
Its like you are walking on eggshells, you dont know what you may say that may trigger his abuse. My advice listen to your gut instinct, and LEAVE!
It will not be your fault that the divorce came about. Its your life that we are talking about now. Would you rather die as a married woman or worse become severly handicapped? Or would you rather leave with your health intact and know that you are worth more that what you put up with. There is going to be a kind, loving individual out there for you sometimes in the future.
You say you have stopped loving him, So WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?! This is a miserable existence.Love dosen't hurt you or hit you... And if you indeed leave him, go for counseling just for you. No matter if you think you dont need it, you do.I wish you all the best!
2007-02-05 05:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason for Physical assault .Then if you don't believe in divorce then what is your other choice, Being used as a punching bag,That's not an option> You have been abused it will not change the way you feel. Face it its OVER .Get out why you still can walk. If he touches you again call 911 its jail time. There is help out there for you just make the call. Keep smiling start a new life.
2007-02-05 06:04:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would strongly suggest going to counseling both if you want to stay with your husband and even if you don't. I am a victim of domestic violence and it has been years since I was hit, I left my husband, and it still affects my relationships today. I wish that I had gone to counseling before I let it affect the rest of my life. :-( Don't make that mistake. A counselor can help you work through the hurt and anger and mixed emotions that an abusive relationship causes.
Good Luck.
2007-02-05 05:50:24 · answer #4 · answered by CPA2B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a very firm believer in "Life is too short to live unhappy". I went through that myself. My husband knocked the crap out of me, and after I thought about it for awhile... I just had to end it. I just could not bring myself to stay( even tho when this happened, he was trashed on tequila and beer....) and he had quit drinking the "hard stuff" for awhile but I know I would have never been able to forgive him for what he'd done.
I have been through abusive relationships and I know that if a man will hit you once, he WILL do it again... He may not do it soon afterwards, but I believe he will do it again and again, because if he got away with it once, he thinks he will continue getting away with it.
I wish you all the luck in the world! (Remember, you can do bad by yourself!)Stay strong,good luck!
2007-02-05 09:01:53 · answer #5 · answered by countrygal0422 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know it is hard but you need to stand up for yourself. just because he has changed doesn't mean that he won't ever hit you again. i haven't been in a situation like this but i know someone who has. trust me if they did it once they will do it again. i know that you said that you strongly don't believe in divorce but this may be the best thing for you to do. you do not deserve the mental anguish and emotional distress that this is causing you. you may not realize that this is effecting your health and well being but it is. you need to get out of that relationship and get with someone who will treat you like you should be. with respect and dignity. no one deserves to be treated like this or live like this. if he loved you, he would not do this. i am telling you this to try to save you from all of the heartache. you will feel a lot better if you get away from him and find someone who will support you and treat you right. give yourself some time to heal. you have to ask yourself this question- would you rather stay in this relationship and live in fear for the rest of your life or do you want to get away, have a good life and actually be able to be yourself? for me the choice would be easy and should be for you too. get out and save yourself. hope this helps. good luck.
2007-02-05 05:54:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
one should never stay in such a marriage, no matter what your belief system is. he can and probroly will keep doing the same to u, it's about how he feels about himself, his stuff he is dealing with, very little to do with u. get out of this, don't stay, u will always remember the beatings, it probroly has turned u against him, and the love u once had is now gone. u never know when the violence will crop up again, depending on what is going on in his lfe, or what disapointments will come his way. this is part of his personality and they do not change. whenever things don't go his way or he gets upset, he is going to take it out on u.
2007-02-05 05:52:38 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UR TRAMATIZED N EVEN DOE I WOULD SAY RUN GET AWAY AS FAST AS U CAN U WONT. BUT THE FACT IS THAT U DONT LOVE THIS MAN. N HE MUST NOT HAVE LOVED U TO DO ALL THAT TO U. U DESERVE BETTER! U DESERVE SOMEONE WHO IS NICE N CARIN N LOVES N SHOWS IT BY GIVIN U ROSES TAKIN U OUT N MOST IMPORTANTLY BY NEVER LAYIN A HAND ON U. N IF INSIST ON STAYIN WIT HIM U WILL NEVER BE HAPPY UNLESS U GET ALL DA ANGER OUT. U NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH DAT PIECE OF NOTHING N TELL HIM EXACTLY HOW U FEEL BOUT HIM, HOW U FEEL BOUT WAT HE PUT U THRU... N IF U WERE REALLY SCARED OF UR FUTURE U WOULD LEAVE HIM N NOT THINK TWICE BOUT IT. IF U STICK WITH HIM N HAVE A FAMILY WITH HIM HE MAY TURN TO THE CHILDREN... ARE U WILLING TO PUT UR OWN CHILDREN IN DANGER OR HOW WOULD U LIKE IT FOR UR CHILDREN TO SEE DADDY HIT MOMMY EVERYDAY U THINK DAT WILL BE DA BEST FOR THEM... UR KIDS WILL END UP DOIN THE SAME TO THERE PARTNER THINKIN ITS OK...WATS UR DAUGHTER GONNA SAY WEN IT HAPPENS TO HER "WELL MY MOM PUT UP WITH IT WEN MY DAD HIT HER SO I GUESS I CAN TOO" OR UR SON TO THINK ITS RIGHT TO HIT A WOMAN... U NEED TO THINK ABOUT ALL THIS... I AM TELL U DA SAME THING EVERYONE ELSE IS TELLIN U TO LEAVE THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING N NEVER COME BAK!!!!
2007-02-05 05:56:57 · answer #8 · answered by mperez637 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your are truly afraid for your life being with this man then you shouldn't be with him that's not how you should be living your life. I'm scared for you. If you believe he will hurt you again then you should leave you do not deserve what you are going through. No man should ever put their hand on any woman especially the one they love.
2007-02-05 05:52:55 · answer #9 · answered by blue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of there before it gets worse. If you want to stay in this marriage - you both must agree to get some counseling. These kinds of situations don't just go away. Please get help, especially if you ever decide to add kids to the picture.
2007-02-05 05:51:43 · answer #10 · answered by Elvis lives! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋