If you are gay. What was the maximum time you hid it?

Question

My boyfriend isn't open but i am.
I was from the start, and i was just wondering when he may come out?

Answer 1

There are folks who wait until their 50s to come out.
Some never come out and die in the closet.
sad. but true.
it will be his decision to come out.
the biggest thing is the fear of rejection. best to talk to a lot of people who have come out and get their experiences about it.
becasue there are some down sides but there are more upsides.
this is a big impact on your relationship, having to keep this secret and you need to decide if you are willing.

Answer 2

Unfortunately there's no set time limit for someone hiding their sexual orientation. Generally it lasts until the person's fed up with hiding, and feels safe enough to tell other people (or, in a worst-case scenario, is forced out).

I think the more important question is *why* is your boyfriend not out? There could be parents or friends he's afraid of losing, or the reaction from people in his school or community. There's a very real danger of being rejected because of other people's homophobia.

It's very hard to have a relationship when one partner's in the closet and the other isn't - but supporting your boyfriend is very important. Let him know (or allow him to explain to you) the reasons why he's afraid, but encourage him to see the positives of coming out too (not hiding, being who you truly are, not letting other people have power over you, or making you afraid, etc.). It should be his decision to come out when he's ready, but letting him know he has a strong support network to fall back on will make him more inclined to do so.

Answer 3

You can't set a timeline. Some people are out from the minute they're born, others stay in the closet their whole lives. I doubt the latter's the case, but be patient and communicate with your boyfriend how you feel. Ask him why he can't come out. But you also need to do what's right for you. It can be really hard on you to have a closeted boyfriend, and take a real toll on both your relationship and your self-confidence. You need to take care of yourself, and if you can't handle being in a relationship with someone who's in the closet, you should get out of the relationship. Take care of yourself.

Answer 4

There is no set time for coming out, but the longer he worries about losing friends and family in term of "coming out", the more stress and isolation he will feel, it is all from the "out" or "not out".
I assume some people might already know he is gay, because you're "out", and you guys hang out together. But why do gay have to come out, and straight people don't have to? It is not fair.

Answer 5

23+ years

Answer 6

Maybe he isn't comfortable letting people know what he does. I mean the sexual acts that people try to picture him doing probably seems very unnatural to them and it also creates problems with family, jobs, careers etc. Why is it so important to broadcast the fact you are gay? Who cares? It is silly to have to explain anything you do and unnecessary. Why do you feel it is of any benefit to let people know this?

Answer 7

I didn't hide it, I told my parents and some other people prior to or just at 14.

Different strokes for different folks however. If he loves you, that should be enough for you.

Reyn

Answer 8

Aren't you supposed to be proud of yourself and who you are? If your boyfriend was, or is, then he shouldn't be ashamed. But then again, if he's still in high school, that could be the reason. Well, good luck!!!!!!

Answer 9

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Face it, if you guys hang out together for any length of time and you're out and he's not, people are going to know through osmosis.

Answer 10

Took me 32 years.. and a life or death experience to realize that life is too short not to be honest about who and what you are.
Be patient with him.