I have some insecurities about this. She had some lesbian experiences when she was younger and the most recent being a few months before we got together (4 1/2 years ago). We got trashed the other night and she made out with my best friends girlfriend in front of him (I was in my house and oblivious). She knows that I view this as cheating (I don't want to hear from guys who say grab the camera, 3some, etc.....cool for you, but not for me). Even though I know she was trashed and didn't remember, until I found out and refreshed her memory, I feel completely hurt, disrespected and disregarded. I know she'd flip out if it was me kissing another girl. And no matter how drunk I've ever been, I've never made out with anyone else. But, we have been together for a long time, fight on and off, she is bi-polar (I am not), but I care for her. I'm just worried about her doing it again sometime. I guess this is not a question, just a rant. I'll make my own decision anyway.
2007-02-05 05:25:30 · 19 answers · asked by Adam 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you for your responses. What makes this hard for me is that she considers it cheating, understands she'd be f&*^ing pissed as well, and knew where I stood before this happened. And my stupid friend was there watching. I'm pissed at him too. She is bi-polar as well as probably bi-sexual, and she is truly crushed right now. But so am I. She has apologized repeatedly and tells me I am her everything. I know that she's telling the truth, I just feel betrayed. Thanks again for your reading/writing.
2007-02-05 05:40:19 · update #1
Either you accept her free spirit or move on to someone who is comfortable in a monogamous relationship.
2007-02-05 05:42:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's right. You'll make your own decision. I'll bet you already have. Just to review a few things for you to think about when making that decision: 1) She's had lesbian experiences in the past. 2) She got so trashed that she did it again, in your house with your friends girlfriend while your friend watched. 3) You fight on and off and 4) You're worried that she may do it again (hmmm...I wonder why)
Does that sound like a healthy, happy relationship to you? Regardless of what sex a person chooses, if you're kissing and making out with anyone other than the person you are in a relationship with, then you have gone too far. You're right it is cheating. Evidently she doesn't seem to be able to control herself. Getting drunk is no excuse. It's a crutch she uses when you confront her about her infidelity. More than likely the decision to play around is made long before she starts drinking. That being the case, what excuse does she have when she decides to cheat and she's stone, cold sober?
I think you know what you should do. She's not going to change. She may be bi-polar but I'm sure there are many bi-polar people who do not cheat on their partners. All couples fight but if this is something that occurs with regular frequency then there is a serious problem. One that will only get worse the longer you allow it to go on. For your own health and happiness cut the cord.
2007-02-05 05:49:07 · answer #2 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've ascertained the cheating part....so now, it's up to you to decide how you will deal with this. There are so many doubts and rightfully so. How are you going to get through the relationship without the trust?
You both should seek help in this one. I admire the fact that you aren't willing to just walk away, you're a better person than I am, that's for sure.
Being trashed is no reason in the world for kissing others or going further.
Good luck with your inner search and I hope you find peace with whatever you decide to do. Your faith and trust in this relationship has been shaken to the core and not everyone has your morals or principles as far as what's to be expected in a relationship. Once that line is crossed, it's hard to get that sense of security back but not impossible, at least not for you.
2007-02-05 05:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a chance. I'm assuming that you're young, early twenties, perhaps? Experimentation is part of being young and exploring your sexuality. Unfortunately, mistakes are made in the process. That said, obviously this behaviour is not acceptable. You've been together for a long time and if you truly love this girl and see a possible future together, then sit down and have a serious conversation without getting emotional. Being emotional could lend itself to becoming an argument. If this is just another reason that the relationship doesn't make you happy, then get out now. This was a bad decision, but as long as it is the first and last instance of infidelity, give it a chance.
2007-02-05 05:44:46 · answer #4 · answered by anna 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Finally! A guy who knows cheating is cheating no matter the sex! I'm so tired of guys saying... "you can be with another girl" hello... NOO. Its still the fact she was doing something to someone else that should only be reserved for you. If you really care about her, let her know that you're really hurt and your trust has been betrayed. You've got a lot of time and emotion invested in this relationship, its up to you to decide if her drunken mistake is worth losing it all. At least she didn't sleep with the girl right? Only kissed. Good luck with this decision.
2007-02-05 05:31:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, although this is not a question, I'll tell you what I think. Your girlfriend was drunk and maybe she wanted to try something out. I know not all guys like that, "lesbian action" stuff. Just tell her how you feel, since you concider it cheating, tell her, which I think you already mentioned you did. If she knows how you feel about all of this you should expect her to respect you decision and you should trust her. After getting everything out in the open everything should be, "solved." Make sure you don't keep any feelings inside and you tell her everything, that way, if she were to mess up again, you can tell her, "hey, I TOLD you..."
2007-02-05 05:33:22 · answer #6 · answered by Athena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is considered cheating, she got intimate with someone other than you. I think you should look at your relationship and think about if its worth it to stay with her. You've been together for 4 1/2 years that a long time so if you are truely happy with her then i'm sure you'll forgive her and learn to accept it. But if you feel she's going to keep doing this and there is a lack of trust then you should probably end it. Do let it go any longer if you're having doubts it will only get harder!
2007-02-05 05:30:30 · answer #7 · answered by Dina B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't make her bi-polar, this makes her bi-sexual, but since you know she was trashed, this makes her common sense fade away and she will do whatever comes to mind and sounds good at the time, if you truly love her, stay, if you are really "iffy" about the relationship stay for a little longer until you find out, if you find you cant bring yourself to love or trust her, leave.
Also, you say this was before you two were going out? I think it shouldnt be way big of a problem, but if it was during, refer to above paragraph.
2007-02-05 05:34:24 · answer #8 · answered by Exhibit A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's good that you understand the final decision is yours, but cheating is cheating, no matter what sex you are. Being drunk is not an excuse! I've been trashed, and I ALWAYS remember what i've done! Anyways, good luck in whatever you decide to do!
2007-02-05 05:58:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one makes out with people while drunk, regardless of sex, they can't be that dependable in a relationship anyway. Personally I'd recommend dropping her on the drunkenness grounds alone.
2007-02-05 05:32:33 · answer #10 · answered by Axcalibar 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her who she wants to be with you or another person. If she chooses you and you don't approve of her being with women, then gently tell her how you feel about it without being rude judgemental or cruel. If she can't comply, then set her free. If she does comply, then ask her how often she'll be getting the urge to be with women and pick one or two that she likes the best. I wish you the best sir. Remember, it was simply a kiss she gave to another girl.
2007-02-05 05:52:00 · answer #11 · answered by padiwan2 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋