I have been married for 10 years now, and have been tired for 10 years. My husband comes from parents who snuggle together in bed all night and the notion that this is what marriage is about. Going to sleep in each others arms and waking up in each others arms. That would be great, but I am a light sleeper and he snores. I don't like to touch anything while I am asleep (I don't even like my own legs touching each other). Over the years I have convinced him that we don't have to touch while sleeping, but I still wake up 10 times a night to roll him over, and then I can't get back to sleep right away. I used to be a morning person before I was married. Now I just lay in bed in the morning exhausted with no energy. When my dh goes away on a trip, I sleep the whole night and wake up refreshed. I am happy during the day, and energetic. How can I convince him to sleep in separate rooms? I find myself resenting him, but when I mention separate rooms, he feels like our marriage is in trouble.
2007-02-05 05:21:31 · 25 answers · asked by Lizzy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I forgot to mention that I am pregnant and extra sensitive right now. Would it really be wrong to just have separate rooms until the baby comes? Realistically I don't plan on sleeping after the baby comes anyway.
2007-02-05 07:54:22 · update #1
My grandmother had this same problem. She just got up when she woke up and moved to the other room herself.
2007-02-05 05:28:17 · answer #1 · answered by Angel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that he will worry about your marriage if you suggest separate rooms try to find ways that you two can remain in the same room and bed. For example, try sleeping with a body pillow between you. Maybe this will catch his middle of the night cuddle need while you're still on your side "untouched". And, if you do not have a King size bed, maybe you should make that a future investment item to encourage your own sleeping space in the same bed. I really hope that this helps a little and wish the best for your marriage!
2007-02-05 13:30:10 · answer #2 · answered by theplanningdiva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage is only in trouble if it is already in trouble. If your marriage is fine otherwise, emotionally and physically, this should not be a difficult hurdle to overcome.
Explain to your husband as you have explained it here and tell him of your difficulty sleeping and your fatigue. Ask him if he would try this a few nights and see if it helps your sleeping situation.
I can't help but wonder if there is more to this than you write. If there is resentment, you should find a way to deal with it, because it will show itself, and insinuate itself into the situation.
If it is truly only the sleeping situation, and not more, it is no different than someone who has a physical ailment and at least temporarily could not be touched in bed. Even a moderately successful marriage can still grow, and prosper in this climate.
Good Luck
2007-02-05 13:36:39 · answer #3 · answered by captnfrank 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy and yet I understand your situation. If he doesn't understand and have respect your feelings and your health, then maybe there is some problems. He needs to realize that when you go to sleep, you want to sleep, not play touchy feely. If you sit down and tell him again, and he disagrees, tell him to try separate rooms for a week. Of course you could do things to make it interesting, like he can sneak in your room in the morning, you get the idea. If not, it may just not be what it once was and time to move on.
2007-02-05 13:30:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he snores, move to another bedroom. I snore and soon into my marriage, I got the message when my wife was sleeping in the spare bedroom when I woke up. We get a good night's sleep in separate bedrooms. By the way, we have a wonderful marriage and have been together 20+ years, but getting enough sleep is important to both of us. We still find plenty of time for cuddling and love making.
2007-02-05 13:28:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you and your husband have been together long enough for him to come to some sort of agreement, maybe you should discuss getting twin beds and putting a space between them that way you have your own sleeping area, with no disruptions, and use another bed for cuddling and romance, you should explain to him the difficulty your having with sleeping in the same bed, or maybe you should reserve 15 min of cuddling in bed before you actually rest, and then after no touching when asleep. Maybe you don't have to resort to the different room part
2007-02-05 13:36:55 · answer #6 · answered by HfaithT19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want him to sleep in a different room than you after 10 years of marriage? DID HE NOT SNORE BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED, WHAT ABOUT THE SNUGGLING DID HE NOT SNUGGLE WITH YOU BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED? Is this even a real question if you want him in another room why dont you just leave him so he can find someone that would LOVE to have that kind of attention.
2007-02-05 13:32:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about something like: "Honey, I am having trouble sleeping because you wake me up at night. When I wake up I am going to start going into the other room so I can get back to sleep. It has nothing to do with how much I love you, just with the fact that I am a light sleeper."
Wait until he kinks out and slip into the other room for a good nights sleep.
2007-02-05 13:29:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about a compromise? Get a body pillow to go in between you guys and get a sound machine to drown out his snoring. Also try some of those "Breathe Right" strips or ask him to go to a sleep clinic for possible sleep apnea.
I dont think seperate rooms are the answer myself..........there's gotta be a better way!
2007-02-05 13:26:01 · answer #9 · answered by sierraskyesmom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, make love to him, then go to the other room to sleep.
Or, maybe you need to get some good ear plugs, I know I keep a set near the bed and put them in often. My wife makes funny noises sometimes, but I dont want a separate bed, I try the ear plugs now and then.
2007-02-05 13:24:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear that. i do sleep in a separate room sometimes just for fun though...feels like a single person again! i tell him that i love the other bed (which is different made of) and it feels refreshing to sleep separate once awhile. and i tell him articles or show him magazines i read that other couples do that also. plus, we have several empty rooms to sleep around. communicate and buy a new bed in a different room and etc. create opportunities you can sleep in a different room and explain also why sometimes. he'll slowly get used to it!
2007-02-05 13:31:56 · answer #11 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋