married to wife of 3 years, but dont lover her anymore due to controll issues and constant fights.?

Question

21 years old and have been married for 3 years to my wife, 20 years old. when we first got married things were ok. then about 4 months before i went to iraq, things got relly bad and we fought everyday, about everything. she is emotionally unstable, screams at me, hits me, and crys non stop. now she is pregnant, and says she wuld leave me but she dosent have anywhere to go but back to her family. I dont love her anymore, and i relly cannot put up with things anymore. i have been back from iraq for about 6 months now and things have been getting worse everyday. i have sent her to counciling, tried talking to her on my own, had her family to talk to her, nothing works. i have tried everything i can think of and im redy to leave. any ideas?

Forgot to add this, and im not sure if this is normal for married people. She is very controlling, so much to where i cannot wach certain shows on TV, cannot be on the computer without her being right there, not aloowed to be in the house by myself, not allowed to go out anywhere by myself.
I have never cheated on her, the only thing i have ever done was had porn on my computer, and i know that its not right but it was 2 years ago, and i feel that this is way out of hand.

No i have never cheated on her, i have been cheated on and know how that feels so i wont do that to her. She has brought up that in past relationships guys have done things to her. And your are probly right that she does bring those past situations into this relationship. but married for 3 years and she still does these things?

now i will admit as i said before, I did have porn on my computer beofore. when we first met it was over the phone, and we lived in 2 diffrent states. we did that for about 3 or 4 months. so yes... i had porn on my computer. she wuld drive down and speend like a week with me every so often, untill we moved in with eachtoher. then she was on my computer one day and found that i had porn on it. She was very upset, so i deleated all of it, or i thought i did, but as you knoiw if you have ever gone to a site things are hidden all over your computer. so about a month later she went thrugh again and found that stuff with a program. and she never forgave me for it.

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear that things aren't going so good for right now! Marriage is hard any way you look at it but when you add elements such as your young age, you being away at war, her being pregenant, it seems to really get complicated! I know from expierence!
the first piece of advice that I would give you is to try to get into counseling together! Like I said before marriage is hard and it is something that needs to be worked on. Please don't get me wrong because it sounds like you have done everything you can to make it work! But before you give up try one more time! I think that you need to sit down and ask her what it is that she really wants! Because if doesn't want it than there is no use in you trying to hold it together!
The second piece of advice is you need to let her know that her taking her anger out on you (her screaming and hitting you) has to stop!
There is no reason why any one should ever put their hands on another person! And if I were you I would not tolerate it!

The last thing you all need to figure out what you are going to do before the baby gets here! Do not stay married for the babies sake! It would be better for the baby to raised with you all seperated then you all together and fighting!

I really wish yo the best of luck! And in times like these it is nice to have someone to talk to so if you need someone just e~mail me!

also Thank you from the bottom of my heart for fighting for our great Country! You are the reason that we have all the freedoms that we have !

Wish you the best of Luck!

Answer 2

First of all, THANK YOU! I say thank you for the bravery of ur service and fighting for us. Thank You. Second, i am very sorry about ur situation. Please understand that no matter what anyone on here says, the final decision has to be urs and that means using any advice as it applies to ur situation. There may be a few different answers that fit together. I can not say exactly what the problem is because u know her better than anyone, but I can say that being that she is pregnant, the main concern becomes that child of urs. This seems unfair but u will have to work harder than ever to get things to a peaceful place. For future reference, never stay so long that u fall out of love with someone, especially if it is due to their drastic changes in behavior. I am 31 & married @ 19. My husband is 42. I think of all of the things that i did wrong just because I didn't wait. We love eachother, but I know that things could have gone much smoother if I waited. I feel that this may be a part of ur problem. U are still so young, yet so worn. Though when u get through this, u will be that much stronger. If u feel u must leave 4 things to be better, do so even if just 4 a little while. I think that u still love her but just can't feel it anymore bcuz u r numb to the situation. Letting go would b easy now, but may hurt u later. If u stay, do not settle, work to make things clear. Ur wife may have gone thru something knowing that u were going to Iraq and didn't share these feelings. Some don't know how to handle or express these things, especially when we are young. If u believe in any God, pray to be able to see the next step. Any decisions that the TWO OF YOU make will affect ur family forever. What ever u decide u will survive the outcome, step back,breathe and be patient a little longer. It is not life if u can't live. This is what u need to think about when u make ur decisions. Be mindful of her feelings and her mindset. Make decisions according to what u know and not to please others. Others see things from the outside. Some judge, and some help. You are a man that has made it back alive for a reason. So LIVE. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS.

Answer 3

I guess the first mistake was marrying at 17 & 18. Let me guess, you got the soldier going away to war syndrome and didn't want to leave her behind? I know all about this I'm from a military family. *mom married my dad at 17* Anyhow, I think that there are to many outside issues affecting daily life. I guess we should start from the beginning. Four months before you left for Iraq she became emotionally unstable? Didn't you become a little off in those months as well, the only difference is you have been trained on how to handle the stressful situation of war, your wife hasn't. She is young and scared and that is not so crazy. I know when my brother leaves ( Irag twice Afgahnastan once) my whole family becomes "emotionally unstable" Now you say you have been back six months and she is preganant now. First off it couldn't be to horrible if she is having your baby. She is pregant, do you have any idea what that does to your homones? I think you need to calm down and back away from the divorce idea, at least for a little while. I think first you dont need to send HER to counceling because you make her feel resented and that you think she is the only problem, and I am sure that is not the case. Try going to counceling as a family with her. You have a baby on the way that deserves to have parents that are going to fight for eachother to give him a set of parents. There is just to much stress right now which is why your relationship is so hard. Go to your wife and say, I know that this has not been an easy time for either of us, but now we have something more to worry about besides ourselves. I think we should do everything we can to try to work this out. Take the issue away from being her. I hope you all work this out for your babys sake

Answer 4

I would try marriage counseling. If that doesn't work, I'm sorry to say but divorce might be the answer. I got married really young (when I was 18). I'm now 24, been divorced for a few years. And with a baby on the way, things will probably get worse. Thats what happened with me. Things were kinda bad before my son. But after he was born it just added to it. The stress of a new baby along with the problems you're already having is really hard. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Ok you both need marriage counceling and your wife needs counceling on her own and may be suffering from depression and low selfesteem. She is also pregnant and is probably suffering from hormonal ups and downs.
I can see where where she would be the way she was before you went to Iraq,there is just no way to prepare for your husband possibly going to his death, it is hard being a military wife, I know as I am one, and after you came back there is a lot of issues that come up after that "honeymoon period" I really believe you could make your marriage work if you go to the family assistance and get counceling. your unit should have a chaplin, I would go and see him.

Answer 6

I am going to assume since you have talked to her and done the counciling thing she knows where you stand. First, I would talk to everyone I know and see who would stand with me in court. Hear me out. She is pregnant. Do you really want her to raise your child that way? If she treats you that way she will treat your child that way or worse. Since she was seen in counsiling they might be able to take your side that she is unstable. You will need to talk to them to see what can be done. Start taking your steps to protect your child now. As for you, well that is an easy on. File for divorce. Isn't your fault she has no one to go to except her family, that after all is what family is for. Get out of the ugly abusive relationship now. This will allow you to move on with your life.

Answer 7

Listen, marriage is for better or worse. But not in that way. YOU have to tell her how you feel about her actions. Sounds as though she has some past trust relationship issues that she's bringing into the marriage or are you telling the whole truth. Have you cheated on her?

Answer 8

Your wife is crazy! Why do you allow yourself to be controlled? Where is your backbone? BTW - if she is so nuts why did you get her pregnant? Have her get an abortion ASAP - you don't need to be bringing a kid into this mess.

Answer 9

well if you dont love her anymore, dont keep her thinking you do....Let her know.....