How do I deal with a husband that has no reguard for our financial situation?

Question

We have about $50,000 worth of debt and to save money we are living with my parents. The debt is due to his school and car accidents that he has caused, none of it is mine. I have been the main "bread winner" for a year and a half because of him going to school. I don't mind, but it's like he doesn't even appreciate it. There have been 2 times that he has spent a lot of money without even telling me after. 1) He spent $700 on a toy airplane and 2) He spent $290 on a cell phone, when he could have gotten one for free. I have told him that we need to talk to each other about purchases over $50 at this point in our lives. He agreed, but now it is more like I am rasing a son instead of in a relationship with my husband. He bought the $290 phone when I needed my breaks fixed. Every time I bring up our financial situation to him he blows up and ask if I am just trying to make him feel bad about the debt. It's just reality. I am going crazy! I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this was so long

Answer 1

You two just need to have a long talk about your financial situation. Try not to blame him or make him feel bad, he seems a bit immature and he needs you to show him what his spending ways are doing to you and your marriage. Many couples divorce over financial situations. It can be a very touchy subject. My husband is the main bread winner and he hates when I spend money but if I put it to him in such a way he understands. I am going to spend money sometimes, not on stupid things like a toy airplane but there are times when we need to spend a bit. I absolutely agree with you about you feeling like you have a son rather than a husband but you guys just need to sit down, figure everything out and show him why you need to save so much money. Maybe, you should take out a savings account and put money aside so that you can pay off the debt and then have the rest of the money for bills and other things that you need or would like to buy. It might help! good luck!

Answer 2

Unfortunately is sounds like your husband is immature when it comes to money matters. Financially incompatibility is the number one cause of divorce in the U.S. it even comes before abuse and cheating. While I'm not sure of a quick fix.. my mom is in the same boat as you with my dad. If he is anything like my dad it is unlikely your husbands behavior will change. $700 for a toy airplane is just ridiculous! You could take away a joined account and put everything in your name since you are the one with a paycheck, but that will probably make him resent you. I guess all you can do is hope that when he gets a job that he learns to appreciate the fact that hard earned money should be spent more wisely. If not leave him. You should watch the movie" "The Grand Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio": It's a true story of a very similar situation such as your own.

Answer 3

Put him on an allowance. Say $50.00 a week. You are working and paying for everything else, I gather, then you should take charge of your money.
Tell him that you are sorry it has come to this, but you don't respect the fact that I am working to pay all the bills and he isn't helping the situation by buying a toy plane for $700.00. I would "kill" my husband if he did that.
Tell him that you aren't trying to make him feel bad, just aware of the situation. Make him apart of the bill paying process, maybe he isn't aware that you bring in X amount of dollars and that you are spending X amount of dollars.
My husband and I have the same problem, he just figures he can spend and spend. We would argue about bills and stuff, so I got him to be more aware of where our money goes, I got him to do a budget. We both get an allowance for lunches and stuff.
He may not like hearing it, but your partner should always be aware of how much money is in the bank. Remind him that it takes two people to have a successful relationship.

Answer 4

Honestly, I'd tell the man he MUST get a job of some type if he isn't working. If he doesn't want to work, or contribute more, he'd have to go. Your parents most likely thought this was a time in their lives where they could relax; instead they're living with the two of you. That isn't fair to them, or to you. You have got to put your foot down about the money. Tell him you worked hard while he was going to school, now it's his turn. You can't continue in the situation you're in. Toy airplanes and fancy cell phones while your brakes aren't working? That's not just stupid of him, but dangerous to you. I'd really think about where this relationship is going and what the future might hold, cause as it is, you'll never get out of debt. Not to mention, he seems not to care about what happens to you. Sometimes people need a wakeup call. I'm sure you didn't see your life this way, and he needs to know that.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, the debt is shared in a marriage. If you share a common account or credit card, you have no control of how he spends. So you can stop the credit card altogether. You can also inform the credit card from certain date on, you will not be responsbile for his purchases in writing. You can also see the bank to separate the bank accounts on grounds of his uncontrolled behavior and you can no longer afford it.

Of course, the above are prelude to separation and divorce. You can tell him to move out of your parents as well. Once you get this rolling, there is no turning back. Nothing you can do about the existing debt, you can cut off future problems from ruining you futher though

Answer 6

Girlfriend, I feel you on this one. REMEMBER THIS:
You need to get a SEPERATE account, because he is not going to listen to you. Think about it in a sense of telling a little baby to leave the stove alone because it hot and the baby touches it anyway. That's how some men are. I should know my husband is like that. I remember I was going to school( I was not working) and he went away with the military. There was only $734 in the account to last for 2wks and he spent every dime on two taylor made suits in Thailand. So, girl, think about yourself because he not going to do it no matter how much you get mad . Without you, were would he be? Take Care

Answer 7

If it's not your debt than let him pay it off. He's a grown man, he should act his age. It's one thing being a supportive wife, but it's something else being the caretaker of a adult who should be able to have control of his spending. Get rid of him. He apparently doesn't give a sh...t about your brakes, airplanes are a 'lil more important. That showes you how selfish he is. For your own good, LEAVE HIM, or at least get away from him until he can prove to you that he CAN be a responsible adult and pay off his debt. If he's educated, he shouldn't have a problem getting a job to pay off at least some of the debt.

Answer 8

Love is great but finances are the things in a marriage that will make or break you. I think he has a real problem and after talking to him and this behavior persist I would seek counseling and if that don't work then I would look for a divorce lawyer. If you don't have a place to stay he definitely don't need to be so loose with the little monies that you all have. HE NEEDS TO BE SAVING FOR OWN PLACE!!!

Answer 9

i understand he is at school but he is a big man with responsibilties. if you take everything on you ll be left to carry it all. it seems he has no understanding of the situation. tell him your parents are dropping hints that they want you to move out and that he should get a part time job. force him in to reality even if you do have to tell a few lies. u shouldnt be carrying all the burden after all its his mess why r u clearing it up? like u said hes like a child but u r allowing him 2 b like this. stop mothering him and stop fixing his mistakes, many people study and work part time but he doesnt have 2 to anything when he has u doing it for him. u r being used

Answer 10

You need tell him the same thing you just said.I have been there
We lost alot of things due to my husband lack of handling the money,But one thing about it I learned when I go out and make the money I use it how I want as long as the bills are being paid.
You can either chose to give it or not.Word to the wise put some money away he knows nothing about sounds you are going to need it.especially If you divorce him like I divorced mine