We have been married for 11 yrs. We have a wondreful son who is six. But I have not been in love with my husband for several yrs. We got seperated last week. Well, is affecting our son. Before my husband would not really spent a lot of time with our son, I would. But know since we are now seperated they spend more time togher. Well now our son thinks that now daddy is spending time with, daddy should come home. Since I will not, my son will not tell me that he loves me, will not give me a hugs or kiss. And that is killing me. So, I am asking should I let my husband move back home, even though I an not in love with hime anymore. To let you know, there are no other partners, with either of us.
2007-02-05 04:37:16 · 40 answers · asked by mary l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds familiar. I have been married for 12 years, have an 11 year old son and my husband told me that he is not in love with me anymore. We are still friends (for the time being) and I hope it remains that way. My husband left for a month and he returned saying that he made a mistake and he would not put us through that again, well needless to say, he wants a divorce now after being home for 2 months. Don't let your husband move back home. It only confuses the kid, and the spouse, into thinking that the marriage will work, and it is more painful. If you are not in love with someone, you and he deserve to find someone that you will be in love with, or be alone and put your focus solely on your son. That is what I am doing. Hope you feel better.
2007-02-05 04:45:16 · answer #1 · answered by Chelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you married, you made a vow to love, honor and cherish until death do you part. If you take your vows seriously, and this man is not abusive to you, you need to let him come home for the sake of your son, and you need to go to marriage counseling. What did you love about this man before? Find it again. If you love your son, you will find a way to make this marriage work for at least another 11 years (until the boy is an adult). Your son will be emotionally scarred if you get divorced now. He is in the pre-teen years when he needs his dad more than his mother. On the other hand, I would not let that boy blackmail me! He needs to be told (preferably by his father) that trouble in a marriage is not his fault, and it's not his business. He has no right to blackmail you by withholding love from you. His father needs to tell him this. I do need to tell you that 6 year old boys don't like to kiss and hug anyway...not even their mothers and grandmothers. My sons stopped kissing and hugging at 6 or 7 and didn't get back to it until 19 or 20. that is normal behavior for a lot of boys. But the anger your son is displaying because you sent his father away is another issue. If you just cannot let your husband come home, then at least take the boy with you to family counseling so he can be helped and his anger can be put to rest. Otherwise, you will have major problems with a seething anger in your son and he will have problems in social situations and in school, too. Counseling is a must if you stay separated.
2007-02-05 04:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say no. The reason why is why stay with someone that you dont love anymore. If you do stay with him for the sake of your son you may grow to dislike him even more. Now since you have split up he wants to spend time with your son because he has seen what can happen and what he had at home. So now he wants to be a father after the fact plus now your son sees that his dad is spending time with him since you guys have split so now he wants dad to come home. I think thats the reason why your son doesnt hug and kiss you because he probably thinks your the reason why his dad cant come back. From my point of view you have to be happy with the decision you have made and move on because in the end if you do stay with your husband just because of your son. It will hurt you in the end and it may lead to affairs or something else.
2007-02-05 04:49:58 · answer #3 · answered by cuttie1972 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you need to explain, to your son, what is going on, between the two of you. Basically, why you cannot be together with your husband and that he should feel free to talk to either of you, about what he is feeling and that you will both be there to help him out. If that does not work, see a familiy counselor. Also, you need to find out if your husband is sending mixed mind messages to your son, to make him reject or not love as a parent. If this is happening, then you need to: still go to a counselor or go to a lawyer, to seek a divorce and full custody. If you encounter problems along the way get your family, to back you up and help your son understand what is going on.
Good luck, in all that you do!
2007-02-05 05:04:52 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My gosh, I could have written this myself!
Only you know what you can tolerate but we both know that your husband is USING your son to manipulate you back into family life.
I think we both know that if you do take him back it will be the same ole thing within the month.
I think that you should also talk to your husband about this and see if he can talk to your son for you.
Tell him that HIS answer will effect what you decide to do about your marriage.
Since he (your husband) is using your son, why not use him back to get what you want!
Your husband should say, 'Son, I love your mommy and I am sure you do too so it really is hurtful to both me and mommy when I hear a about the way that you have been treating her lately. If you continue to treat her this way then we (you and I) will not be able to spend as much time together because your behavior towards her is unacceptable. Maybe this weekend you should stay home and think about your actions. If seeing my seeing you means that you treat mommy badly I wont be able to see you until you can treat your mommy better ' or something to that effect.
Husband should say this to him infront of you the next time he comes to pick him up
If husband does not do that, HUSBAND has NO chance getting back into your house.
2007-02-05 04:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by lisa s 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You could get a paternity test done once the baby's born, but that doesn't really address the issue. If he throws this at you again, tell him you're not going to dignify ridiculous accusations with a serious response, and when he calms down, the two of you need to have a talk about where these suspicions are coming from, because you're tired of it and the stress of these constant demands to prove a negative isn't good for his (emphasis on "his") baby. Hopefully he's stressed himself and not just trying to project his own bad actions on to you, and the two of you can find a way to disagree without anybody attacking anybody else.
2016-05-24 18:26:44 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly if u do not love him why should u be with him. I understand that u 2 have a son together but u need to explain to him what is going on so that he will understand. But dont worry about him not giving u kisses and hugs, its his way of being angry. He is at the age where it is going to be difficult for him. All you need to do is be there for him and show that you still love him. Buying him things will not but spending that quality time will. Does ur Ex have him most of the time??
2007-02-05 04:45:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your husband need to sit your son down and talk with him about this. He needs to understand that no one is to blame and he shouldn't be angry with either of you. Letting your husband move back in is not going to solve any problems in the long run. Yes your son will be happier but you and your husband are in control and explaining to your son make take time for him ti understand but in the end you might all be much happier! Good luck!
2007-02-05 04:45:01 · answer #8 · answered by Kara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't know why you are not in love with him anymore. Is it just that he doesn't thrill you like he used to?
You haven't been separated long. If you initiated the separation then yes your son is going to blame you. This is normal.
It is very sad that this has happened to you, or that you have let it happen. Although, I do find it interesting how you asked a question a while ago about how you don't understand how people can just leave their marriages.
I find it very hard to believe that you just fell out of love with him. Either you never were, or something really bad happened. Although people tend to "get over" people they say they used to love, that person typically still occupies a space in your heart forever. If you don't have one for your husband, you likely never did.
A real shame. I feel bad for your son and especially your husband.
2007-02-05 04:44:47 · answer #9 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think you should try to reignite the flame. Spend some close time with your husband and try to get to know him a little more. It's important not just for your relationship but for your son as well. If you can keep your son from growing up in a broken family, by all means, do it.
2007-02-05 04:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by Remi Hime 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋