my daughter in law and i have become very close as well as my wife too. but my son is getting a divorce and she is at a loss as she still loves and cares for him but he has found another women on the internet that he says he loves better. my daughter in law is very educated and has a good job and she is a very attractive young lady with high morals.
my son quit school at 16 and has a good paying factory job but he went with her for 5 years and 9 months and the marriage did not last a year?
well, now my son wants $650.00 to get a divorce and I told him NO as i am not going to pay for his divorce. I told my daughter in law that my son was blood and that he comes first..was we wrong?
2007-02-05 04:18:12 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well it looks like your son needs a reality check. You were right in refusing to pay for his divorce. If a married person wants a divorce they should not be allowed to get it until they have done everything humanly possible to try and fix the one he's got. (of course there are exceptions) but as for your sons case to divorce just cause he feels like it he shouldn't be granted a divorce. People are so quick to abandon rather than fight for what they have. Hence divorce rate being over 50%.
2007-02-05 04:24:43 · answer #1 · answered by tdashnay 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your son is very immature. After almost 6 years of dating, you'd think the marriage would have worked, but he obviously wasn't ready. Then he fell into the trap of "finding someone better". Chances are she isn't and he'll really regret ending his marraige.
Don't pay for his divorce, though! If this is his decision, he should be responsible enough to follow through with it on his own. Giving him the money is condoning his actions, and you don't - so don't.
Do they have any children? If they do, then I'd say you need to be supportive of HER. If not, eventually the relationship with her will dwindle, but right now she's probably really confused and hurt. Losing you and your wife will be added pain that she probably doesn't deserve.
He's in the wrong. Let her know that you know he is wrong and that you love her. Let her know you aren't supporting his decision, but that he is your son and there's nothing that can change that. Telling her "he comes first" only makes her feel even more hurt and abandoned.
2007-02-05 04:26:31 · answer #2 · answered by April 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a conversation with my in-laws about a hypothetical situation like this. They told me that even if I happened to get divorce from their son, I was still always welcomed around the house and our relationship didn't have to change.
Yes, their son (and yours) will always come first. You can love someone, but you do not have to agree with their decisions.
I wouldn't push your daughter-in-law aside, especially if you are so close. She needs your support also. If you feel you want to continue a relationship with her, why stop because your son decided he was done with her? I wouldn't pay for the divorce either. If he wants it, he can pay for it.
You can have a relationship with someone even if another person feels they don't want a relationship with that person.
Are you friends with every person your wife is friends with? Chances are, the answer is "No". You may also have mutual friends as well. But if you are not friends with a particular person, doesn't mean you wife can't be friends with them.
2007-02-05 05:07:29 · answer #3 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's natural to take yoru son;s side, even though he is at fault. You are right, blood comes first and he will always be your son, regardless of the bad choices that he had made.
Don't give him the $ 650, that is just harboring his unaccountability and irresponsability. He is an adult and if wants a divorce then he shoyuld pay for it.
As far as his wife, well, be considerate, but try to stay out of it as much as you can. I believe that is your son who is at loss, since you speak so highly of your daughter in law and she seems to be quite a catch from what you wrote.
good luck
2007-02-05 04:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should take sides at all. By paying for his divorce, you would be. If he is old enough to get married and make a mistake like leaving his wife for someone on the internet, he is old enough to come up with $650.00 to pay for his divorce. I doubt it will all be due at once anyway. If she were cheating or doing something else awful that caused the divorce, I would say go ahead and help him because you wouldn't have that connection with her then. Don't pay for his infidelity.
2007-02-05 04:26:41 · answer #5 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong making a stand against your son's decision. At least there are no children involved. Obviously, the girl will not be your relative anymore but can be a friend, which can be a problem with your son and his new wife later. But you have the right to have any friend you want.
Telling your son he is wrong is tough love that he may learn to appreciate. As long as you are not outright supporting his current wife against him and stay neutral, he should be ok. All depends on how you raised your son.
2007-02-05 05:09:27 · answer #6 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation to be in. Give money to your son so he can get a divorce and leave a good woman, or not lend him the money, leaving your daughter-in-law trapped in a loveless marriage?
I think it is best that you stay out of it regardless as to how you feel, that way you aren't playing favorites. But, show support to whom you wish and tell your daughter-in-law to apply for the divorce. Tell her that it is in her best interest to get out of the marriage and who wants to stay married to a man who is willing to throw his marriage away for some chick he met on the Internet? She doesn't need a guy like that. If your daughter-in-law is attractive, has a good job and good head on her shoulders, she will do just fine. She may feel lousy for awhile, but she will get over him.
2007-02-05 04:29:07 · answer #7 · answered by doodles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, this is a toughie. I don't mean to sound cruel, but your son screwed up here. He dumping a woman who loves him for someone he's never met. He has a lot of growing up to do. I'm sure you already know this. Sometimes we just have to let our kids make their mistakes, and stand back and watch. It sucks, but that's life. You weren't wrong in telling your daughter in law that you have to put him first, but I would keep the door open for her too. They may get back together someday, when he figures out what he lost. I also would not give him the money for the divorce. He made his bed, let him lay in it. You just got done putting out some money for the wedding and gifts, why should you have to finance his divorce? Good luck.
2007-02-05 04:26:45 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong, he is your son and what person would expect less. All you can do for her is talk to your son and encourage him to work on his marriage instead of throwing it away for a connection over the internet. if that doesn't work just let her know that although you love your son that there is probably someone out there better for her and who will be able to give her more than what your son had to offer.
2007-02-05 04:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for making a stand and not giving your son money for the divorce.
Unfortunately, you are right. No matter what bad decisions your son makes....he is still your son. As a former daughter in-law myself, after the initial anger (at everyone and everything) I understood that fact.
It's not a fun position to be in, but just listening and being supportive on both sides is my best advice to you.
I'm sorry for your loss and may God bless you and your family!
2007-02-05 04:31:45 · answer #10 · answered by Buff 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋