Does my husband really not care anymore?

Question

My husband and I have been through alot due to my health and money problems, we dont have the intimacy we once had, he's says he doesnt care like he used to, and that our relationship is over, and he hasn't budged, and he has left (no longer than a day) 3 times in the last two months. We argue all the time but I know that I still want to be with him and I cant stand the thought of not seeing him walk through the door after work or seeing him laugh. I cant imagine going to bed alone every night and missing those times when we joke with each other but he doesnt show any sign that he's going to change his mind, we have been married now for 4 years and we have 2 kids, now both of us said that we wouldnt stay together for the kids because fighting is not a good thing for them. I am afraid that this time is real, and it is tearing my heart out. It started out the reason was because I havent been healthy since we've been married then it turned into us just not getting along.

Answer 1

I don't think it's because he don't care anymore. He has come back, which shows he does care. I think he is just frustrated. I'm sure he doesn't know how to handle your health problems. I think your husband would benefit greatly with some counseling and a support group.

As far as the intimacy goes, as we get older, it does fade....some more than others. That's just a fact of life.

Answer 2

My wife and I have been going through the same thing, though we've agreed to counseling. Here's what we've discovered so far:
1) We communicate in very different ways. We need to understand each other better.
2) The romance period of our marriage is over, but we need to gain a deeper, more understanding, nurturing relationship.
3) The children are just being themselves, which means they need constant attention, robbing us of our precious time together. We need to spend time away from the kids, possibly scheduling a date night, or a short vacation where we leave the kids with relatives.
Good luck to you, and I hope it all works out well no matter what.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for you, I think that following money problems lack of great naughty sex also kills relationships. My God you've been married only four years you should both still be on your honeymoon! You should both strive to be in shape for each other. You should wear intimate appearal under levis and a sweatshirt and give rise to his need to procreate. You should want him, desire him, need him with you, in you, on you, near you, around you and you should reward him everytime he makes the decision to go with you somewhere instead of hanging with the guys. When I say reward I don't mean cook him something to eat either. You should give him pleasure for wanting to be there with you or what happens he leaves and goes and finds the pleasure elsewhere. Men are pigs all of them that's me included. We want a sunday school teacher for a wife that turns into a two thousand dollar a night hooker when we walk in the door. Sure kids limit your ability to be spontaneous but still close the door to the bathroom lock it give him some trim then get up and open the door and get back on with the chores tell him you need him with your throat.

Answer 4

Oh, Dear - another marriage that hasn't been prepared and planned properly. I am not at all surprised at your confusion. Your husband is ducking out of communicating with you and from what you write, his behaviour is disgraceful and suspicious. For your child's sake, this will be a long reply (I'm a relationships coach in England, so if you'd like some more help with this, please email me.) People fall madly in love, but the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, and high emotion are very hard to keep up, so eventually we start to come down, typically after around 18 months to three years. If people have discussed their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage involves a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partner. Teenage & 20s marriages are often disastrous in the longer term: it's very hard to get to know and understand others until we get to know ourselves, our own needs, etc. which are still fluctuating a bit until we are "mature" (typically women in later 20s, men mid 30s). I suggest you both read Dr Phil McGraw's excellent book, Relationship Rescue. (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he says in the book, it’s not only for people whose relationships are in trouble. Good Luck! Email me if you need to.

Answer 5

i am sorry to tell you this but it sounds to me like this time it is for real. i am sorry that you and your kids are having to go through this. what your husband needs to realize is this is part his fault too. his part is what i don't understand about people when they marry someone. part of the wedding vows is "in sickness and in health" and many people do not honor this as you have seen with your husband. by not being there for you, he is not holding up his end of the marriage. all of this is not your fault. you are doing what you can. what you need to realize is that if he has made up his mind you cannot change that. i know it is hurtsome and it doesn't help your situation any but you need to be strong you both you and the kids. if he wants to back out let him but make sure he pays you child support. this will help you financially. get a divorce from him and move on. you need and deserve someone who will be there for you and your kids, that is the best thing you could possibly do. by hanging on to him hoping that he will change you are only causing yourself and your children more emotional stress which is not good for either of you. i am not saying it is easy but single moms make it out there all of the time. it is his loss, not yours. if he really meant "til death do us part" he would still be there for you so why should you waste your time with him. hang in there, things are going to change soon. just don't worry about him. he isn't worth your time and effort. i wish you and your kids nothing but the best in the future. good luck.

Answer 6

It's very difficult if your husband doesn't want to stay married anymore..and both of you are right that fighting is not healthy for your kids or for either one of you.
I would recommend you seek counselling through your doctors to help you cope with this stress. There's not much you can do if your husband has "just given up and walked out"...You now need to pick yourself up and keep going for the sake of your children. HEAL Yourself * (get counselling) so you can take care of your kids*
GOODLUCK*

Answer 7

You're all emotional right now, girl. Take a breath and get some perspective. Sit down with a piece of paper. Make two columns. List good things and bad things about being with Dewd. Be honest. What does the paper tell you?

Answer 8

A relationship is susteined by two happy persons. That means that, if he is not happy its not working to him. People must feel good with them selves before feel good with others. You are not alone in the world. You don´t need a husband to be happy, you can have friends, family, partners, child, even a caregiver could make you happy. Maybe you´ll fell batter if you help others.

Answer 9

This is exactly wat my mom went threw wit her husband (who was not my dad) I feel as if a man can't not b there for u @ ya weakiest moments then guess wat he's not a man @ all he's a scared little boi!! He's runnin cuz u r sick and he doesn't want to b left alont wit the kids if anything happen 2 u! Trust u can do bad all by yourself and eventually u will get better and he will come back and he will regreat everything but trust me u r better of wit out him!! I'm sure u can find someone else cuz he just sounds like a dumb *** little BOI!

Answer 10

I am not saying that he does not care ... He just may not know how to show it... I recommend you seek marriage help and counsling for this. Try to work on and save you marriage before giving up. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and why. Also go to http://www.drphil.com and email Dr.Phil and see what he has to say or advise you to do in this situation.