I think that I have made a mistake in that I take on too much responsibility for finances in our marriage. Mostly, in EARNING the finances. I used to not think about it, tending to be somewhat of a workaholic, which also isn't good for the relationship. I make over double the pay that my DH does, but he is a big spender, and somewhat wasteful. I guess I am enabling this. The big problem is he is planning on going on an expensive fishing trip and he wants to purchase a camp trailer, which would be expensive for us. I am thinking about getting a separate bank account and cutting him off from my paycheck. Any advice?
2007-02-05 04:07:14 · 15 answers · asked by zaeli22 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Personally...I would match whatever it is he makes and put that into your joint account and pay bills etc from that and if you have room out of that account to make misc purchases then fine but I would treat that account as all the money you have to live on basically. Whatever you make over that put into a savings account or do something special with that for yourself, but don't let your husband touch it...only for emergencies.
2007-02-05 04:24:51 · answer #1 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband makes most of the money...the money I make is just from a job that is fun for me and doesn't help the household much. We had the same problem at first (I love to shop) So we agreed to discuss every purchase that is over $50, and to not make the purchase until/unless we both agreed. It has worked out well for us.
I didn't like the idea of separte bank accounts, but I can also control my spending now and stick to our "consult each other" rule. We like to consider the money we make "our money" not his and not mine. We only have one checking account and one savings account.
Even though he's the main earner, we share in control.
If this won't work for you, I think you should have at least 4 bank accounts.
A living expenses account - in which bills, food, and household needs come out off.
A personal spending account for you and one for him with EQUAL amounts contributed each month.
And a savings account - one that you don't touch without eachothers permission.
If he wants to spend money on a big fishing trip, he can save and wait until the balance in his personal spending account is high enough!
It's important for your relationship (since you're supposed to be equals) That you stick to the same rules that you give to him.
Just because you earn the most, it does not give you the right to spend what you want without talking to him or playing by the rules you have made for eachother.
Don't act like a parent handing out an allowance. If there is a big ticket item you want, you do the same as him, save and wait until the balance in your account is high enough.
2007-02-05 14:11:20 · answer #2 · answered by Tamara N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like it's a problem, then it is. But as you mentioned, you've set the presedence, and it may be a struggle getting him to change at this point. Financial issues can rip a marriage apart. So depending on how much stress and strife you feel this is causing, it may not be a bad idea to seek some help from either a marriage counselor, before it gets to the breaking point, or some sort of budgeting/financial consultant. This could be the better route, as it could allow for someone else to be the person pointing the finger and at the same time offering solutions or ways for the both of you to work together and come to peaceful resolution.
2007-02-05 12:19:43 · answer #3 · answered by Marlietta 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is a way to handle this that worked for my wife and myself. Separate checking accounts plus one joint account. You both put in say half of your take home (after savings etc) into the joint account which is used to pay food, housing, untilites only. Each spouse pays for clothes, toys, and their own car note. Expenditures paid out of personal accounts are not subject to approval by the other spouse. Anything written out of joint requires approval of both spouses.
If you do nothing else, get your own bank account!
2007-02-05 12:17:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have created a problem. I did the same thing and eventually he decided to open his own business and it fell through and ended up with the family financial burden.You need to curve some of his spending and remind him of the burden this puts on you.From experience keep a nest egg where he can't find it. He also sounds not responsible.Good luck
2007-02-05 12:13:23 · answer #5 · answered by angelunawrs 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing wrong with you making more as long as he is at least working to his fullest extent. Any purchases, especially major ones should me made jointly. You should be able to voice your concerns and he should respect them. If he doesn't, then there is a bigger issue you need to address.
2007-02-05 12:16:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its time to cut the umbilical cord, Its time to see what the real man is made of. Don't second guess you decisions when you feel some one is being abusive of your good nature, its not healthy for you and the other person.
2007-02-05 12:16:42 · answer #7 · answered by GRANPA1 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Set a budget and allocate some monthly spending money for his personal use, some for your personal use, and another for joint use. My wife & I did this last year and it really helped us both get a handle on our finances.
2007-02-05 12:13:45 · answer #8 · answered by whodeyflya 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would do it. If he is doing all the spending and you are doing all the earning then you need separate accounts.
2007-02-05 12:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would no reason in spending money just because he wants it open a new account and save up for a rainy day u might need it one of these days
2007-02-05 12:13:52 · answer #10 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋