He Cheated now what?

Question

Here is some background first. This is my first TRUE love and we have/were together for 4 and a half years. We have a 16 month old son. Now here is the problem... We have been going through some tough times and we decided to stop having sex until we get back on track emotionally. Well while we took this "break" he went to someone else to share his emotions and slept with her twice and had oral another time. Then told me that it's my fault cuz i wasn't there for him. (two and a half years ago i slept with someone while we were broken up...but we really were done at that time) And he says part of him doing this was to get back at me and that's another reason it's my fault. We broke up because of this...I mean who wouldn't...but i want to go back and work things out ...i know i can't do it right away..but what about a few months? I'm assuming you will all say i'm stupid for doing so but i guess i just need to hear it. It's so hard cuz we see eachother all the time because of our son..help

Answer 1

Move on.....will be even harder later....

Answer 2

Chances are that if you've broken up the two times you mentioned, you've been broken up several more times as well. It sounds like you're both very young. Even though you have a child together, the relationship doesn't sound like it's going to work in the long run. As you get older, you're going to grow even further apart.

It is not your fault he had sex while he was supposed to be working with you on emotional/relationship issues. You ultimately have no control over what another person decides to do, and he is very immature to suggest it. He may have decided to do it because of you, but that isn't your fault.

If you really believe this is the relationship you want, I would tell him that you love him, but that the relationship cannot go on under the circumstances. Let him know that you are hurt, but try not to sling insults about the cheating (even though it will be really hard). He has to value your relationship as much as you do, or it will never work. He has to feel it's loss and come to understand what he has lost. But you have to realize that he may be OK with that loss and go on, and you should too, if that's the case.

Good luck!

Answer 3

After you read everyone's answers you will in the end do what you want to do! My opinion you should leave him alone and he should leave you alone. It seems as though your relationship was doomed from the beginning. My Fiance and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and when I was in my 8th month of pregnancy I couldn't have sex until our daughter was 2 months and my Fiance stood by my side and patiencely waited for me to have sex again. If your man was a real man then he would have stayed by your side and you wouldn't have jumped into bed with some guy when you guys were just on a "break" you would have waited to see if things worked itself out. You both aren't meant for each other. Wake up and smell the roses!!! I'm tired of hearing all this drama crap from females..saying oh he cheated or he made me made...but then he got me flowers and oh my gosh I love him soooo much now. You guys need to stand up for your self and stop being walked all over.

Answer 4

I'm not going to say you're stupid. Disillusioned, but not stupid. Him sleeping with that girl was not your fault. Please don't believe that BS. It was far too late to cut off sex, y'all have already had a child. Its also BS that he wanted to get back at you for 2 years ago. Come on TWO YEARS. Open your eyes baby. He did exactly what he wanted to do. He got caught and used a situation from 2 years ago as an excuse. You were right to leave. You need to start thinking about yourself and that child. He's putting your life in danger. AIDS don't give a damn if y'all have a child together. Protect yourself. You're going to have to Woman Up and be strong. I still manage to have amicable relationships with my kid's fathers. (I have two) It is possible. And I have probably the least amount of patience ever given to a woman. Especially when it comes to the welfare of my children. When it comes to your child, no one comes before. Not even the Dad. He's not being a man or a good example for your son. Don't let your son grow up seeing you being treated like crap. He'll treat his women the same way. It's harder raising a son by yourself, cause you can't teach him how to be a man. But apparently neither can his dad. But you don't want to show him the wrong way either. You're doing that when he see's you being hurt by this man. I don't care what anybody says, children have a heightened sense of awareness. Especially babies...they can feel when things aren't quite right. You have to make it right.

Answer 5

You wouldn't be the first in history to go back, nor the first to have to see each other because of your son. Just because you have a child together and have to see each other for that purpose does not constitute living or staying together. This relationship has lost all trust on both parts. It's time to go away and stay away. Honestly anyway, you have "been together" for 4 yeasr yet you don't say you're married. Obviously lots of trust and lack of communication. Cut your losses and move on for the sake of your son.

EDIT: Having looked at your profile and previous questions, you have huge issues yourself. Including, not the least of which, insecurity. From the advice on your previous questions, you didn't take their advice, so there's nothing saying you'll take the advice given here. Perhaps you need to push away from Yahoo Answers and start dealing with reality.

Answer 6

Well, there is a lot of emotional distrust and betrayal on both sides here. I feel you both should take a full break and then in a few months try to talk it realistically. Its not your fault or his..its both..you both are not communicating. Communicating is not easy..for anyone, but talking openly and honestly..with some gentleness to feelings is a must here. Staying and working things out is not stupid..but you both need to want it..or you will be right back in this place again. Respect is needed for both..good luck.

Answer 7

I'd say move on. He sounds like a loser, and is just trying to blame you for things not working out. A deep understanding of eachother should come first before sex. he had no right to sleep with someone. You had every right to want to sort things out. You seem like a good person, and you deserve much, much, much better. Soemone who is wiling for you to feel trusting and comfortable again, not some slimeball!! Don't let him get away with this, or he'll always do that when things are rough.

Answer 8

Obviously the both of you need to grow up!!! you have a 16month old son who is suffering from the two of you acting like this!!! There is a reason why you have cheeted on him and him on you. I dont think its just the sex. You were right to have a calm down period to work on your emotional side with out the interferance of sex. If you have had to break up once before and got togther again good for you. However if you have had to break up again it should be the last. You both need to grow and learn, just because you cheated doesnt mean that its right for him. He may just be in it for the sex. You can have a relationship built on just friends, and still be there for your son.

Answer 9

First of all, you are not stupid for trying to make things work. You obviously love him and you have a child together. No, you shouldn't be nieve and just let it all go either. I would suggest going to some couples counseling. If you attend church, try talking to your pastor..or pull out the yellow pages and find a therapist. Him hooking up with this chick is NOT your fault. He is just trying to pass the buck. He should've shared his emotions with YOU. You need to give him time to figure out if he is still invested in this relationship. And you need to figure out the same. If you are both wanting to fix things, you have some common ground and will both work together. If he's not willing, you have to cut your losses and move on. Good luck!

Answer 10

What matters the most is do you love him and does he love you??If so, then dont give up..I think both of you should try once more and if it doesnt work out then atlease you know you tried...Also just because you have a son together doesnt mean that you cant just be friends...you can still love eachother, thats your 1st love, that cant disapear over night..Just sit down with him and ask him what he wants and you tell him what you want...and if you both want the same thing then you can work things out...I wish you the best!!...

Answer 11

Your the only one who knows if working on you guys relationship is worth it or not. I'm in the same situation right except my son is only 3 months. Me and his dad are doing the same thing, no sex at all and that helped us realize why we were attracted to each other in the first place. Maybe you two just need to get to know each other all over again. Even though I'm confident in knowing that I wanna be with my son's father I'm still going to take my time. I'm just not going to be too anxious or so sure that I won't get hurt again. But my answer, proceed slowly and cautiously