This may sound strange, but I just got married and I dont like how my husband touches me sometimes, I was sexually abused as a child by my own father and I dont know if this has anything to do with it, also my mom didnt care for my boundaries too much and manipulated me all the time so I didnt learn to be very assertive, we had premarital sex a lot because I was so scared of telling him I didnt wanted to, I felt dirty and I felt stupid becasue I know is very irresponsible, he has repetedly told me that he didnt know I was so against it that he would have never forced me, most times I have sex with my husband without wanting to, but I dont let him know this, so Ive kinda developed some type of repulsion towards sex.
My husband wants to touch me sexually all the time, he gets frustrated because I am so scared of sex, he says that the urge kinda builds up on him and that he tries not to show much how he feels for respect to me, he has told me that he would never do anything I dont want.
2007-02-05 03:49:43 · 45 answers · asked by Alejandra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You definitely need some counseling. My sister was sexually abused as a child by an uncle and she was extremely repulsed by sex until she started counseling. She still doesn't like it much but it is a lot better. Your husband needs to come to counseling with you to help understand better why you feel like this about sex. It is very unfortunate because sex was not meant to be something repulsive. I feel for you.
2007-02-05 03:56:51 · answer #1 · answered by Mom of Three 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too think that you should go for counseling. Often times victims of sexual abuse as a child have issues with sex that goes on for years. I believe counseling is the only way you may be able to get through your feelings. If you keep doing what he wants when you don't want to, that will just add to your feelings of repulsion towards sex. I think you should get things worked out before you continue on. Sit down and explain everything to your husband. He should understand. Be open and honest. He may even go to counseling with you. Good luck.
2007-02-05 04:00:59 · answer #2 · answered by Mommy to 2 cuties 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am sorry to hear that you had suffer so much as a child. It's very difficult to build a healthy sex life with someone you love when your first sexual experience was an ultimate betrayal.
Please seek professional counseling n give yourself time n space to heal.
No child should endure what you been through.
But you are an adult now, it is time to take control n build a healthy self n life that you so deserve: )
Do be brave n open up to your husband - if he truly loves n respect you, he will be patient with your healing process - but for him to do so, you must be honest about how you feel.
Take good care: )
2007-02-05 04:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by CHERRYBLOSSOM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good marriage life needs two way communication. I suggest you find a good time (i.e: doing something that makes him feel that you really love him..), and discuss this properly and slowly with him. Tell him you're worried and don't want to have this feeling of scared anymore cause you really love him. Give him some time and be patient with his response and always be loving to him. He'll try to work it out with you sooner or later. I'm sure he's a good and loving husband, based on your description, so give yourselves a chance to work things out slowly. This is much better than you and him getting frustrated and you having a silent remorse against him everytime he initiates sex. Hope this helps, and just remember that some things just take time.. Have faith and be patient, k? :)
2007-02-05 04:13:19 · answer #4 · answered by Ken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clear and concrete communication is vital in a marriage. Honesty from the beginning is first and most important. I hear you say you have not been completely honest with your husband about you feelings toward being touched in a sexual context. He apparently does not understand how it makes you feel or why your past experiences make you feel so badly. Counseling in this area is widely available in most errors. Maybe both of you could benefit by visiting a therapist. Problems like this are deeply rooted and sometimes cannot be resolved by yourselves.
2007-02-05 04:05:15 · answer #5 · answered by MARTHA T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, you need to sit down and slowly talk to your husband and tell him everything. I once dated a girl who's father molested her when she was very young. There was no sex but he touched her in a way unbecoming of a father. From this, she only had eyes for older men. She was 17 and I was 34. I never forced her into anything. In fact, I was the one who had to tell her no the first few times.
You need professional help to get over this problem and your husband should be in on it. Only together can you get over it.
Talk with him and ask him for his help. If he is as you say he is, he will understand and try to help you through it all and you both will have a better life together.
Good luck, I'm rooting for you.
2007-02-05 04:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by Kevin A 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the reason you feel the way you do is becasue you were abused as a child. this is normal for you to not to feel comfortable as an adult about doing sexual things because you have been scared by what happened to you as a child. it has a lot to do with it. my best advice to you is to try to get some counseling to help you through it. it seems like you have a respesctful husband so that will help you out too. hope you can get through this. hang in there. good luck
2007-02-05 04:00:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your husband how you truly feel about him touching you..Does he know about your father, if not tell him...He's your husband he will understand...but you shouldn't be afraid of sex now..your married to the man you love..Maybe you need to talk to a therapist cause I think your still holding on to your past..let it go..bad stuff happen to good people everyday..I was sexually assaulted as a child and as a adult by family member's..I got help, I was going to a therapist since I was 6 years old and I just stopped about 5 years ago..It does help but only if you want to be helped which I think you do...So please talk to someone, your husband...He loves you....Well i wish you best and i pray that everything will work out for you...
2007-02-05 04:04:46 · answer #8 · answered by Tara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go see a counselor honey. ( so do I as a matter of fact).
It doesn't feel good when their touch doesn't feel good huh? I know. I'm there or here too.
I'm thinking maybe once you can get some couceling sessions done with, you'll learn to forget or understand the abuse you have endured, and then learn that your husbands love and touch is different from the abuse .
My heart cries for you! It's not a good feeling of being touched and feeling like you HAVE to have sex when you DON'T feel like it.
If you find a good councelor and your in the ST. LOuis area, let me know who to see.
2007-02-05 03:57:42 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not normal but it is not abuse either if he is not forcing you to do anything. This happens to a lot of people who have previously been sexually abused in the past and never sought help. I know it sounds corny, but you should really join a support group and/or see a psychiatrist. If you got married then you obviously love this guy so try your best to explain to him what is going on. It will be very hard for him to understand, but if he respects and loves you, he will help you get through it.
2007-02-05 03:55:16 · answer #10 · answered by ProudToBeWhite 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋