I'm 27 and my wife is 25 and we are contemplating divorce. We have many issues that we feel can be worked out, but are divided when it comes to having kids. She wants to have a fmaily someday and I want nothing to do with having kids. Should we stay together in hopes that one of us changes our mind in the future, or divorce and move on with our lives???
2007-02-05 03:48:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We did discuss this before marriage...we got a dog a year ago and it really opened my eyes to what a pain it is....
2007-02-05 03:52:33 · update #1
Again, to all the "should have discussed before you got married" responses. We did! After seeing how she cares for our dog, I do not want to have kids with her. If the dog is misbehaving, she tells me to yell at the dog. So the dog loves her, and sees me as the bad person in the house.
2007-02-05 03:56:01 · update #2
I must say to Sally...thanks for calling me lazy and self-centered. You do not know me, but feel this way just because I don't want kids. You say I need to "grow up and realize what's really important in life...love, companionship and the future." I love my wife more than anything and would die for her. I do want love and companionship in my life...with my wife. I do not need a kid to acomplish that. It has nothing to do with laziness...
2007-02-05 04:06:43 · update #3
Hard situation. And uncomfortable. Most people don't understand people who don't want children. The just can't comprehend it. To them life is meaningless without children.
My husband and I decided not to breed, and at 24 he got a vasectomy.
Your wife has every right to want children, and likewise you have every right NOT to want children. Since this was discussed before marriage I'm at a loss as to advice. She would have known that children may or may not come out of a union with you. The line has been drawn, and it takes two to have a baby. I would be fearful that she would "accidentally" get pregnant to fulfill her goal of family.
Okay, easy answer. Divorce. She wants children, you don't. You don't want to get trapped. You are still young and there are other women out there who don't want kids too. Your wife deserves the chance to reproduce. If she wants to do that, she can do with without you.
If you decide to stay, get a vasectomy. $1000 and there is no longer an issue of family entrapment. Have her get involved with volunteer children activities. Big Brothers/Sisters of America, Girl scouts, etc. I would also suggest marital counseling. You can find a group to go to it is less than one on one counseling.
Good luck and best wishes.
2007-02-05 04:54:08 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a complex issue. First of all you are very young. A dog isn't a child (a little girl who looks exactly like her daddy or a little boy who wants to be just like you). You might change your mind as you mature and become less self-centered (even a dog is now too much trouble for you as you are lazy and don't want to be troubled doing anything for anyone else...like your wife or child and you don't have a nurturing side). Before you get divorced, you should get some counseling. And maybe grow up and realize what's really important in life...love, companionship and the future. I am saying this because I have a sister who did not want children and divorced because of it. Now, at age 55 she realizes she has NO ONE still alive who loves her or cares about her except me, and I live 1,000 miles away. I have kids and grandkids. She has no one. All she really has is her work and some friends who are really just acquaintances. Yes, raising children is difficult and messy and sometimes darn inconvenient. It is also the most exciting, joyful and loving thing you can do with your wife. You need to think about this.
2007-02-05 04:02:00 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Seems to me like the both of you are set on what you want. My husband and I are having a similar issue. He wants kids now, and I don't want kids any time soon. It sometimes makes me think that I'm keeping something from him that he wants and deserves. Your wife might be feeling the same way. I'm not going to tell you to get a divorce or stay together, just consider how the both of you are making each other feel. Sometimes love isn't enough to keep a marriage together. The differences might be too great. Hope it works out for you. Good Luck.
2007-02-05 03:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by K9Girl 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Usually most women want a child and I dont see that changing. Do you ever see you wanting a child? If you guys love eachother you should work this out. But if you guys cant agree on this, I think it would do alot of damage. It would always be in the back of both of your minds. So I hope you guys can come to a decision and I wish you the best of luck. Maybe babysit some kids cause a dog is way different than a kid:)
goodluck
2007-02-05 04:00:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's something you BOTH should have talked about before you got married. So if you choose to get divorced, you can only blame yourselfs because you were not prepared to be married. When you decide to marry someone you plan on staying with them for the rest of your life, and you need to consider your personal goals that you want to acomplish in life, and how a marriage would affect those goals.
You should think about it for a while, or maybe do some research on children and raising them and see what you think. If you really don't want kids, you guys should get divorced. It's sort of sad though ... I mean, why didn't you guys discuss these things before getting married?
2007-02-05 03:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by Alyssa 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Personally, I'd move on. There is nothing worse than wanting things in a marriage, and your partner not wanting them.
IF a baby happened to slip through all the love sessions, she'd be thrilled, but then you wouldn't be. There would be problems big time.
Part as friends and move on so she can hope for a family and you can live the free, no kid responsibility life.
2007-02-05 03:52:40 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want kids, and she does, it's not going to work. I cannot think how many times I've heard women tell each other "Oh just have the baby, once he sees it, he'll fall in love with it." Well, not only is that not true, but likely it is what her mother and friends are telling her. Kids are a MAJOR committment, and if you are not 100% sure you want them, then don't. It's highly unlikely either of you will change your mind on this issue. There are plenty of men out there who want kids for her to find, and plenty of women who do not want kids (I should know, I'm one of them) for you to be with. I'd say to move on while you're both still young, and have no kids to complicate things.
2007-02-05 03:59:03 · answer #7 · answered by Jadalina 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Divorce; if she wants kids, she deserves to have them. It's great that you're honest with her, and not leading her on. It's better to not have kids and go your separate way, than to always feel resentful for her pusing you into something you really didn't want to do. If you had discussed it before marriage and had an agreement, and now one of you had changed their mind - well, it happens.
2007-02-05 04:20:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are contemplating divorce, then you shold not contemplate having children.
If you guys can't agree on a dog's education, leave alone a child.
I say, make sure that she takes her birth control. Some women believe that a child will "fix" their marriage.
Good luck
2007-02-05 04:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try counseling, bu quite frankly the choice whether to have
children or not is a biggie and you may not want to waste alot of time waiting for someone to change their mind.
Some people are very happy never to have children, while for others is a must have.
Better to get out earlier than later
Sorry to say, but you really should have ironed this one out BEFORE getting married.
good luck to you both
2007-02-05 03:53:07 · answer #10 · answered by island3girl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋