My ex & I want to be together, but he has some issues that he has not figured out yet. Do u think i need to give him space or should we continue dating, but not move in together. We where engaged and we are now trying to start fresh eventhough we have a history... We have been through so much, he has cheated on me .Do you think talking to a therapist we can work out our problems.
2007-02-05 03:28:48 · 14 answers · asked by Faith23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would suggest that BOTH of you go to some form of Couples therapy -- especially if there is a TRUST Problem due to CHEATING ... that is something that most folks can NOT get over .. the Betrayal of Trust.
I am glad to see that your common sense (about not moving in together) is kicking in ... because at this point, with the fractured trust and other issues, moving in together could fracture everything you are trying to rebuild.
2007-02-05 03:39:03 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in situations such as personal as these is not really about whether he deserves a 2nd chance or not.
Of course he deserve a chance in being with the person that he loves, but the reality is :
Is he in the right state of mind n heart to build a brand new relationship n life with you? Another question is : Are you ready to forgive, let go n start fresh with someone who had betrayed, lied n hurt you?
It will take a lot of time, work n love to rebuild the trust between you...
I can understand that you care for him, n it can feel impossible to let go of someone who had been such a huge part of your life. But unless you are both healed n rebuild yourselves individually, emotionally, mentally, as well as spiritually, the negative feelings n relationship patterns won't change.
N you will find yourself in the some old desperate n unhealthy relationship that you had before.
If he has issues, let him sort it out. In the mean time, care n nurture yourself - it sounds as you need it.
If you want to stay with him (therapy is a must), it will be a long journey, n you will have to be prepared to stay very strong, patient n sacrifice - even than, it's no way to know if the relationship will work out.
But of course, all this is just my opinion. You ultimately should do what your heart n gut instinct tells you.
I wish you the best of luck, girl. I know it's hard.
P.S. Don't move in with him. Keep your independence until you are completely sure that you can trust him
2007-02-05 04:05:40 · answer #2 · answered by CHERRYBLOSSOM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would say it depends on how much you two really want to be together. If you really do and can forgive him, then definately counseling would help with a fresh start. Moving in together, your decision, but if there are other issues, why not deal with them first and get them taken care of and then move on to the next level. Best of luck.
2007-02-05 03:37:45 · answer #3 · answered by dadknows 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I sure do... We all make mistakes in life and times and need a second chance to prove ourselves again. God gives us many cahnces to cahnge, Do not move in with him be dating is fine and getting to know him again. Yes a counselor or a therapist should be a big help and i highly recommend it! I wish you the best! I am so proud of you for doing this... There should be more people like you out there... Forgiveness is key too!
2007-02-05 03:59:15 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with the dateing, but I'd put off the moving in together first.
Counceling helps, but it's going to take alot of work on his part to prove to you it won't happen again and to earn back your trust.
The hard work lay's on the shoulders of the one commiting the "crime".
Try a therapist. But make sure your happy with the one you choose. Shop around. Don't just settle for the closest or cheapest one. Their human too........they have problems too.
2007-02-05 03:37:08 · answer #5 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A therapist might help but it's really all up to the both of you, I told my husband before we got married that there were really only 2 things in the world that would make me leave him with out ever looking back...1) if he ever abused me or the kids or 2) if he ever cheated on me.....everything else can be worked out but I feel that those 2 are really major....but it just depends on what you want and what he wants and what both of you are willing to do to make it work.....
2007-02-05 03:35:49 · answer #6 · answered by unicorns_77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can work it out, but if you feel that you can not trust or be honest with each other it will not work. You must give him some space, because everyone needs their space from each other, start fresh and talk to each other about your feelings then tell him you got to talk out the old habits and start fresh with new ones.
2007-02-05 03:37:45 · answer #7 · answered by may s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you give him to grow up and don't ever think about shacking up with someone as if you can play house and see if it will work out. If he actually has sex with someone else you have to simply admit to yourself that he was out there looking for something, because something was missing between the two of you. Don't waste your money on a therapist, they usually have more problems then their patients.
2007-02-08 04:46:12 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The therapist is a great idea. You need to get over the bad "history" in order to start over again. Go for it.
2007-02-05 03:36:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone deserves a second chance! i guess you too must have stepped on others toes at one point or the other and felt the need for a second chance. You and i are living coz of God's second chances. God doesn't give up on us why should we then give up on others.
In case you didn't know.....challenges strengthens a relationship. The most miserable, unhappy life is one without problems, without challenges. Challenges are opportunities to sharpen our skills for a more happier and stronger relationship. "No cross, no crown" i guess you need one. Eh! don't forget to get counseling, its helps!
2007-02-05 03:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋