We've been married 5 and 1/2 years now and he has always been laid back and easy going. He never had a temper or yelled. He joined the army back in August and his whole disposition has changed. Now, he is constantly yelling at the kids for playing to loud or he tells our oldest son that he hopes he fails school (all because our son forgot to ask for him for help with a couple of things). None of it is directed towards me but towards our kids and it is obvious that the kids are backing away from him emotionally. Everything is going great for him at work so I don't understand what is going on. I'm tired of the yelling and screaming at the kids. I've tried talking to him about it but it is getting to the point that I have to take up for the kids because he is getting onto them for stupid stuff. We have great kids that never get in trouble and get straight A's in school. Does anyone know what I can do about this? Please help, I'm at the end of my rope!!!
2007-02-05 02:57:13 · 12 answers · asked by Rhonda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wish I could tell you the cause of this. Something is stressing your husband out -- and the sooner the both of you can figure this out -- the better.
You really need to approach your husband and tell him what you've said above. Approach him about his health -- maybe that will interest him. Tell him "Honey, you've always been such an easy going guy. Happy-go-lucky and enjoyed life -- and lately things have changed. You are stressed and short-fused. I don't know what it is. Do you? I am really worried about your health. I'm not mad, I'm concerned. I love you."
If you feel you can talk about it -- you need to express to him how his behavior IS hurting the kids and he doesn't even know it. Be gentle, kind and non-threatening. Talk out of love and with kindness. Hug him, show your emotions at how this concerns and hurts you.
If he truly doesn't know the cause of this -- hug him -- show him kindness and then I would recommend he get a thorough physical. Sometimes physical problems cause people stress that they don't understand. Perhaps a good work-up is in order?
2007-02-05 03:05:59 · answer #1 · answered by Eyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kids never get in trouble and make straight "A's" that is great but hopefully they respect both of you as parents and follow directives from both of you. You should also respect your husband and support him in directives he gives the children. You can't take the approach of they are god kids so let them do as they want. Of course if they are doing as they are told and in a timely manner it could be just a adjustment he has made to the strict military life. Hopefully you could discuss that with him calmly (away from the kids). Particularly at this time there is considerable pressure on those serving i the military.
2007-02-05 11:11:13 · answer #2 · answered by dano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that it is not acceptable to be yelling at the children like that. Explain that it will do damage to them and that they are not "in the army" like he is. If he's having anger management issues, there are people to see in the army that can help. But don't let him mess up your kids with that anger. He needs to understand that excess yelling at the children will harm them, and harm his relationship with them. Remind him that they are his children and that they need love and nurturing to thrive, not a drill Sargent, screaming at them all the time. Put your foot down before it gets out of hand and someone gets hurt. He will thank you when he can reflect back at his outrage. Also, life is too short for that type of havoc in a family. Try to find out what's eating at him. Let him know how much you love him and your family.
good luck
2007-02-05 11:08:54 · answer #3 · answered by David S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is stressed out.He should see a Veteran's conselor at the local Veterans Administration office or hospital.Don't wait for things to get worse you have to point this out to him,but be diplomatic and talk to him as you would a child who needs help,and if he becomes assertive then you would have to insist on him getting help.I am a vet and fitness helps me stay cool.Maybe he should get into fitness or find a hobby.There must be something he enjoys.And speak to the kids and tell them not to take things personal because dad is going through changes.Good luck.
2007-02-05 11:06:43 · answer #4 · answered by Student 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tape record him sometime when he's yelling at the kids. Play it back for him. That will be a powerful message and hopefully spur him into not continuing the behavior.
If it continues, you may not have a choice but to take the kids and remove them from their verbally abusive father.
Best of luck to you!
2007-02-05 11:37:26 · answer #5 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for such a radical change would to make him attend some counceling sessions.
It's not good for this to be happening in your family life. Your also lucky he hasn't started this with you also.
Your the kids mom.......don't ever feel guilty for defending them. That's your job to do so.
Once he starts the counceling, then try and do some family sessions too. OR go talk to someone connected with the Army and express your concern.
2007-02-05 11:05:47 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the military has affected him in some weird way. something needs to change....he may be depressed and need medication....other wise if he does not change you are going to have to leave when he gets this way and take the kids with you, by this i don't mean leave forever....just until he cools down....maybe even video tape him when he gets like this, and then you and the kids go away for a day of something and leave him the tape telling him to watch it. It will either get better or worse at this point.......Best of luck to you and your children.
2007-02-05 11:05:44 · answer #7 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be stressed out.. The military does have a way of changing people... Have you husband go to a doctor and see if there is anything going on with him.. He may also need anger managemene help... You both may also need marriage counseling. I feel he is really stressed out and maybe medication will help him calm down and be more like he used to be. Also go http://www.drphil.com and email them and see what advice or help they may have to offer.
2007-02-05 11:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have him contact the veterans administration office & set up & appointment they should be able to help as he has an anger management problem. Best of luck hope this helps
2007-02-05 11:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to believe that at no point in your question did you mention the word, "Iraq." Not even to say he is not going. So, is he? If so, or even if he does not know whether he eventually will have to go, this can be a HUGE source of stress.
2007-02-05 11:11:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋