How do you "break into" the gay lifestyle?

Question

I asked this question...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ajx2h1vQFQamQU8FFJMRJObsy6IX?qid=20070204212117AAyGT6C

And I received quite a few GREAT answers.

But, there was something that I was wondering. How do I go about meeting other people like me or just some new friends?

I have been in the situation I am for going on 7 years. Dont' get me wrong...I have friends, just not friends that I can relate to and that really "know" me.

How do you find other people like you? Before I got married I never had a problem meeting people or finding women. Now I feel like I have been living in a cave.

Milkbone---

You are telling this to someone who is only with a man due to a mistake that I made when I was younger.

Yes everything you do makes up your "lifestyle"...where you go, what you do, the peole that are your friends...it's all your life and how you live it.

Please do not speak to me as though I am jsut "coming out" I am not.

Banana--

I live in a medium size city near Cincinnati. It's quite conservative and as far as I know, there are NO bars or anything around.

For another thing...I was asking a question in here as I THOUGHT that the people here were nice...WHOA...rethinking that.

Sorry if I didn't use the "correct words" of your liking.

Answer 1

Hi. Well I read your other question, and just to make sure I'm understanding correctly, you have a husband and kid and you want to stay with your husband for your kid's sake, but you really only like women. The part I don't understand yet is if you're looking for support in staying in your relationship, looking for women to fool around with on the side, or looking for support in deciding what steps to take next such as whether or not you should leave him.

Now I just have some random disconnected thoughts about your questions, so here they are in no particular order:

Since you live near a big city there is going to be some sort of LGBT center in the area. I would suggest looking them up and seeing what kinds of groups they offer. You are in a situation that is pretty common. They may have a group for married people such as yourself. LGBT centers also usually have a socializing component so you could probably meet friends there, or at least learn about other things in the area that you might be interested in.

You also don't mention if your husband knows about this or not. That makes a big difference in what kind of connections you can make with people. If you've been open about it with him then you can go to groups and meetings without having to make up excuses. If he doesn't know that makes things more difficult.

If your husband doesn't know you might want to think about whether or not this is fair to him. Is it fair for either of you to be in a loveless marriage, with him being clueless as to why the relationship isn't working, and him being unable to change the reason why things aren't working? Imagine how frustrating that would be... to sense that something's off, to try to fix it, feeling like a failure for not being able to fix it, and never being told that you couldn't have fixed it to begin with. I get that you like him as a great guy, but for both of you to be in a relationship where there is no physical intimacy isn't fair to either of you. You're basically roommates who happen to have a kid in common.

Now, if he knows that you're a lesbian and is okay about it, some marriages like this work. The straight person understands that the other person is a lesbian and they stay together for whatever reason is comfortable for them. But, most marriages like this don't work. That connection just isn't there. A lot of resentment builds up.

You mention that you are staying with your husband for your son's sake. While this is a very noble thing to do I'd like to offer a different viewpoint. Kids are smart. They know if something's wrong. He will be able to sense the strain in your marriage, and this causes more trauma for a kid than divorce does. Talk to adult kids of straight parents who should have divorced years ago but didn't "for the children." They'll tell you exactly how stressful it was growing up in that kind of household. Lots of tension and anxiety all the time. Just not a healthy way for a kid to live.

Now obviously I can't tell you what option is best for you. But I truly believe that it is never fair to anyone to pretend to be something you're not. I would encourage you, no matter what you decide to do, to start individual therapy. This way you have a place to talk about your situation and your feelings and you can come to your own conclusions about what to do.

P.S. This section is evenly split between LGBT people and their allies, and the Christian conservatives. You will never get understanding answers from the conservatives so you just have to be prepared to ignore them. As for the rest of us I read the replies and most people were pretty nice to you, even if they expressed frustration over the phrase "gay lifestyle."

I personally think that was a phrase cooked up by some fundamentalists trying to scare people. The thing is that there's really no "gay lifestyle" to break into. Gay lifestyle is not separate from straight lifestyle. They totally mesh. Since the "lifestyle" thing is a misconception that we hear multiple times a day, do you think you could forgive us for being just a tad exasperated when we hear it yet again? Stick around this section more often and read some of the questions. They make you laugh, they make you cry, they make you want to tear your hair out! :)

Answer 2

There are a lot of websites that can help you with this. I was married for a long time, When I finally came out, I didn't have any friends in a situation similar to mine. I found some groups on the Internet and went to some meetings, It was great. I discovered that there are a lot of people just like us. We are not alone in this, there is help out there.

Answer 3

Well, honey first you need to break up with your man because no woman in her right mind will want to get involved with a woman who has a man in her life. Most lesbians I know (including myself) have learned that you won't have a lasting relationship with someone who has a guy at home. You can find women who will have sex with you, but they will disappear if they smell sausage in your home.
Secondly, you should try making some gay friends who could introduce you to someone. Maybe use the internet personals to find lesbian singles in your area. The personals can find lesbians in every city! If you find someone you want to meet, go meet her at some little diner or bar that you don't ever go to. You are not alone.
Good luck finding the women!

Answer 4

gay marriages is in basic terms no longer banned simply by fact they might't discover something incorrect with it to legislate. you may no longer legislate morallity, and you won't be able to base a regulation on a passage in the bible. sure - homo and hetero are the two life and selections. And the two are no longer the corporation of our acquaintances or the government. it relatively is the reason they call it a "very own life", the superb option?

Answer 5

Is the Gay Lifestyle the one that is predicated with Gay Life Choices? LOL!

I think your turn of phrase is a little presumptive. You might try locating gay haunts (bars, restaurants, clubs, etc) where you can re-immerse yourself into the Gay Community (especially for you Milkbone LOL!)

Answer 6

If I was a woman I would so be Gay and nothing else P.S try a strip club the women love to give free lap dances to other females

Answer 7

AH! Cincinatti! I lived in Newport for years and I can tell you that Cincinatti is great for gays! Not necessarily geographically, but there are many orgs to join and bars to visit, if you're so inclined. I guess the most important thing, though, is to know what you like, and sometimes meeting others like you can happen when you least expect it! Best wishes!

Answer 8

just be friendly to every body and sooner or later ull find sum body tha like u

well if u tell then who u really are and they domt understand u then their really not ur friends

u only feel like u dont have friends maybe bcuz ur married tha why and alot of people think just bcuz ur married u cant don anything and tha ant ture

Answer 9

There is no "Official GayLifestyle". You being gay in any numbert of hobbies you already enjoy makes it a "gay lifestyle"...

Answer 10

ARRRRRRRRRGH!

There is NO gay lifestyle!!!! We have LIVES, NOT lifestyles!!!

I am so tired of hearing this garbage.
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If thats the case, that everything I do is a relfection of my 'lifestyle" the my "lifestyle" is a HUMAN one. I have a human lifestyle.