this morning my estranged partner of 11years decided he has no where to go but jail. the details are as follows: because i am fed up with his drinking i left a week ago, i had to leave because he wouldn't and we are both on the lease aggreement. two days later he gets his third DUI in 5 years last week at 6:00am on his way to work. the court OR's him. my truck get impounded, i am going to lose it to the towing company. without my knowlege, he wrote several checks to payday loans which now are due. my name is not on the account. he is broke and now he wants me to buy him booze so he can violate the terms of his release and go to jail. with him in jail i could get my home back and my daughter and i could move home.
should i buy him the alcohol. i don't feel right about it. he will go to jail because all other avenues have been exhausted. treatment, therapy, no friends or family . i was the last hold out.
2007-02-05 02:40:44 · 7 answers · asked by hicktowngal 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
thank you for all the great answers.
2007-02-05 03:42:34 · update #1
Book recommendation - Women Who Love Too Much
Listen, you are not responsible for whether or not he goes to jail. Don't let him put you in that position. He's an adult who is quite capable of making his own decisions.
He decided to go into debt...did he ask you that?
If he wants a drink and wants to go to jail, he can do that all by himself. You should focus on getting AWAY from this guy. That means cutting all ties. Don't even accept phone calls - collect phone calls cost money.
Also, this is a form of abuse, it's like emotional blackmail, he's making you and your child his victims.
He's not very mature. And he's asking you for way too much. There's a group called AL-ANON. Look up your local chapter, they can give you strength as you make life choices and changes. They are people who have "been there and done that."
Even if you are willing to tolerate his behavior, is that what you want for your child?
Do you have low self-esteem? Perhaps that needs looking into, why else would you...good luck!
2007-02-05 02:54:31 · answer #1 · answered by TygerLily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a spot your in. I was in a similar some time as my "X Wife" couldn't or wouldn't give up the weed. There seemed no helping her.
I would get away from this person as best you can if not forever however I read there is a little person that he may have claim to see if you had the child together. Walk don't run to the nearest Womens shelter and consult an attorney for protection order to keep him away from you and daughter. Start a New Life Hopefully you can get full rights to the child with him only having some visitation.
Feel for you and Good luck.
2007-02-05 11:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Scott 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol equals the Devil. It took me 14 years of heavy drinking to see what effects it causes. I'd suggest, giving him an ultimatum, seeing how 11 years is a long time to be with someone, Id recommend saying, "Either you get some help for your problem, or me and my daughter are gone." It is very hard to rationalize with a drunk (I know) but not only does it show you what is more important to him it also adds something to think about. Im sober for only a month now, and Im still going to go into a rehab facility, to make sure I dont lapse. If he doesnt have insurance try seeing a Catholic Social Service center in your area and they can help as far as treatment options go. One final note, a chemical dependent person has to face what I like to call "The Monster in the Mirror" before any sort of treatment will work...Hope this helps and best of luck.
2007-02-05 10:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-I've been through a situation similar to this. That is, lived with an alcoholic and drug abuser for six years that got angry if I didn't bail him out of jail or buy him booze or give him money for drugs.
It took me time to wise up, but you need to get away from him. He's taking you down with him, and you don't want that. You can get in trouble along with him and possibly go to jail.
You say you have a daughter. Do you really want to raise her in that environment so that she grows up, thinking this is normal behavior, then goes and finds someone just like your boyfriend?
I would think not.
2007-02-05 10:46:11 · answer #4 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot nursemaid him all your life. That is what will happen. RUN
He will be OK or find another to lean on.
If you want your house for you. Do as u say. I have no idea of laws.
2007-02-05 10:44:31 · answer #5 · answered by Mmmmm 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your kid and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of "him"
2007-02-05 10:51:33 · answer #6 · answered by Dennis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't be his enabler
2007-02-05 10:55:45 · answer #7 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋