Ive been with my man for 6 years. For the past 3 yrs he has been depressed(death in his family). I really tried to be there for him but he would just hurt me verbally. The last straw was when he said he didnt love me during a drunken stupor. When he was sober, he said he didnt mean it. But it hurt me and Ive been falling out of love with him. Then my ex comes back in my life and I start feeling for him again.
They both want me but I dont know who I want. Im so confused. They both have some personal issues and money issues. I did the whole pros/cons thing. But Im still confused.
2007-02-05 02:40:31 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know that he has been having trouble, but you're not getting much back out of a six-year investment. After such a long time - as selfish as it may feel to you - you need to start thinking about your own happiness. Sometimes alcohol can add bring candor out of a person that might otherwise stay hidden. Stick to what you said about it being the "last straw." Good luck.
2007-02-05 02:48:27 · answer #1 · answered by mcpouches 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First-you don't need a mate to be complete. 2nd-things said in a drunken stupor are often the most truthful because the drink eliminates the "edit function" of our minds. 3 years is too long to be depressed over a death. I lost my parents at an early age and I got over it with some very short term grief counseling. I didn't know it was ok to be angry at someone for dieing and it's a common feeling. Verbal abuse is still abuse and will often lead to physical abuse.
The pro/con thing didn't work for you because you are too close to the situation and haven't reached the point of rational analysis. I'd break off a romantic relationship with both of them and try to be friends for a while. Get you know yourself, first. Try being without any romantic relationship and get some distance between you and each of them. DO NOT get into a relationship with anyone who has personal issues to work out. Make them work out these issues--or at least make a sincere attempt. I'm not so concerned about the money issues. We all have them from time-to-time. Are either of them trying to solve their money issues? I think both of them need to make some effort themselves before you complicate things with a romantic relationship. One more thing on the money issues. They can bring you down with them, but there are legal ways to make sure your finances are not affected by their financial problems.
2007-02-05 11:00:59 · answer #2 · answered by David M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my dear it seems that man A as i shall call him is "angry at the world" for the death of a loved one and if it was a parent it will take time to recover but three years?? They must have been very close and he is not able to move on.
Your leaving him will either make him even angrier or will knock some sense into him...hopefully the latter.
Having an ex come back is rarely a good thing it's hard to recapture that old magic believe me i broke up with a girl and got back together a few times and it wasn't the same.
You need to just take time off from a relationship right now to rebuild your self rather than get into something just because you don't want to be alone. Act in haste, repent at leisure? nah.
They both "want" you but why? Because they want to build something with you or to use you? Do their motives fit your goals? Guy A seems to be using you for emotional support he needs to look to himself for and guy B just maybe wanting to resurrect the past which should stay in the past.
I'm married and one of my ex's said she wanted me back and even if i was single i wouldn't do it. Yes i adored her when we were together but let the past remain in the past.
Audentes fortuna iuvat!
2007-02-05 11:04:16 · answer #3 · answered by sprydle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as your x goes, u probably don't have true feelings for him, it's just he showed up at a time that your current relationship was going bad, and u were hurting. You have to think, would u have given your x a second thought if your relationship with your current guy was going good? It sounds like he has some issues to deal with, and I wouldn't go back to someone who hasn't changed, just to relive the same relationship u already left. I would just concentrate on the current guy u are with, and if u want to continue dealing with his stuff. You need to sit down with him and have a serious talk. You can tell him that u have supported him through his rough times, but u are not going to be his doormat for his anger and hurt. If after 3 years he is still in depression, then it is time he seeks professional help, or u will completely fall out of love with him. You can only help someone to a certain limit, then they have to help themselves. If he chooses to stay in the rut he is in, then there is nothing u can do, and u need to do what is right for u to be happy. I wouldn't run back to your x though, that sounds like he has a very similar personality. Don't concentrate on them, and who u should choose, concentrate on "u" and making your life the best it can be, and what u need to do to make that happen. Good luck
2007-02-05 10:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by Amber 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dated a guy for a couple years, and two weeks ago we broke up. At the beginning of our relationship things were amazing and I thought he was the one! We moved in together and all was going well until I talked about buying a house (mortgage would equal the rent we were paying) and he freaked saying that was a huge committment he wasn't ready to make with me (hello - we were already living together!?) After that point I felt the love slowly diminsh... we did not have the relationship I always thought we had. We went through some tough times, broke up for 5 months and got back together again. I tried so hard to keep the relationship strong but there were things he would do and say that would make me question his love for me, I would always have flashbacks of his freak-out about committing to me.
After we broke up I thought my world would be torn apart - but it's far from it! I realized that a lot of damage was done, trust was lost, and I was the only one putting in effort and unconditional love. Since I have been single, I feel free and alive again - and I have had a lot of guys chase me - I am not the chaser anymore! I love it, and I realize that he dragged me down and pulled me away from who I truly am. So I would say never cheat yourself out of happiness, love, and life! Go out there and find someone who loves you for all you are, I promise you won't regret it! (this means no ex's!!!) It's hard to see until you completely pull yourself out of the situation though.
2007-02-05 11:01:16 · answer #5 · answered by Betty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend doesn't sound like either man is good for you. Especially if they both have issues. You have to think about your future. First you need to remember why you EX is your EX and see if you really want to travel down that road. And as for your current man, you know they say 50% of what people say when they are drunk is true. So you may want to take that into consideration. And don't think about them wanting you. Think about what you want and what is best for you.
KEEP YA HEAD UP!
2007-02-05 10:47:11 · answer #6 · answered by Brown Sugar 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you really need to get out the realtionship because u derserve better somebody that going to love and not disrespect u ok i have been there where he would verbally abuse me yes it hurt and u do not need that ok
2007-02-05 10:45:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋