Is your spouse scared of love?

Question

My wife seems so scared of love. I know she loves me to death but every time I get upset at her or need some time alone she freaks out. She then goes to extremes and proclaims “I don’t love her. I don’t spend enough time with her”. It’s like she doesn’t understand that if I’m upset or just want to do something by myself it doesn’t mean I’m going to drift apart from her(I very rarely do things without her). Her extremes are really extreme like threatening divorce and stuff because I think she’s afraid I’m going to leave her or that I don’t love her if I get upset and need time to sort things out. She knows I’m also a good man but I think she always cuts me down to try and downplay me so that it will be easier for her to leave one day even though she knows out of all the people she’s been with (including 3 fiances), I’m the one that sticks around and actually loves her. It’s like she’s been hurt so many times she thinks in her head “Oh he’s just like the rest. Either he’s going to stop loving me or he’s going to leave. I don’t want to be stupid so I’m going to start thinking he’s not good enough and he’s treating me just like the rest. I’m smarter than this and I know his game”. It’s frustrating as heck because I love the girl with all my heart. I just think she’s going to leave because of all the crap she has floating around in her head instead of seeing what’s real. Do women like this ever stick around? Seems like they keep running from romantic relationship to relationship and once the high wears out, they bolt and think you don’t love them. If you’ve married someone like this, did it last? Did they ever eventually trust and believe how much you loved them?

Answer 1

Nope, my wife loves me to death.

Answer 2

Holy Cow! There is a guy out there that actually has figured out the womans mind and how it works! Kudo's to you! Yes the things you said most women can relate to. The things she is thinking is not good, but it can be helped. More than likely, she has been hurt before and these are her defense shields coming up. Our past relationships should not affect our future, but we can't help sometimes seeing it coming again. Maybe you could not leave when you get upset, hard as it may be, you should stay and talk, yell but for the sake of your relationship stay there and resolve the fight,you leaving is just burying the hatchet and leaving the handle sticking out.Stay and resolve to the point you can kiss and make up. And reassure each other it is resolved and move on. You may be giving her the feeling that you will leave for good, and she is just getting her heart ready for the hurt. Let her know you do love her by staying to the end, even if it means getting upset, but stay and resolve the problem at hand.

Answer 3

Holy crap, she sounds like I used to. Scary thought, too. I would have to say, in my experience, I constantly did leave and like you said, thought he didn't like/love me because the "honeymoon was over". Honestly, you can't do anything to persuade her to change, that change has to come from within her. She sounds depressed or like she has no self esteem. Encourage her to do things for herself. At first, I went to counseling and they gave me an anti-depressant, which I took for 2 months and decided that I didn't want to be on a pill to help myself, although I am glad I did take them or I wouldn't be where I am today. After that I started an aerobics class and attending church services. I think your girlfriend is probably worth helping however youcan, however, she has to realize her problem and want to help herself. Best of luck. DON'T make this your problem if she doesn't want to help herself, you are doing the best you can. Relationships are not one sided and you do need your space to be with friends and time alone.

Answer 4

I'm kinds sorta like her and I believe it's because I remember my father punching a hole in the wall and leaving.He never ever came back.She's just scared.

Answer 5

YOU JUST TOTALLY DESCRIBED ME! MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 11YRS TOGETHER FOR 14YRS. DURING OUR COURTSHIP HE FINALLY SAT ME DOWN AND WE TALKED ABOUT ALL OF OUR 'BAGGAGE' WE REALLY WORKED THROUGH A LOT. I HAD BEEN IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AND BEEN WRONGED IN OTHER WAYS- HURT A LOT- HE HAS SOME VERY DIFFICULT FAMILY ISSUES ALSO. HE IS MY KNIGHT IN SHINNING ARMOR. IT DIDN'T TAKE ANY THREATS ANY DEGRADING JUST KNOWING HE CARED ENOUGH TO KNOW AND PATIENT ENOUGH TO ASK AND LISTEN. WAS COMFORT ENOUGH FOR US TO MAKE IT TO TODAY. WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING. IF YOU CAN'T GET THROUGH TO HER ON YOUR OWN MAYBE SOME KIND OF THERAPY WOULD BE IN ORDER..?? GOOD LUCK WISHING YOU WELL.

Answer 6

yeh.i am.i don't like all that lovey lovey stuff until..............well i ain't gonna say.