I have no problem attracting boyfriends and friends. But I just know I dont show the right sort of interest in their lives - like a good friend would - I can go and spending evening with my boyfriend and not ask what he has been doing that week, etc, I swear I just forget to ask. Is that really bad? How can I be more socially aware/interested?
I had a childhood where we didnt intereact with anyone at all - my mum was sick, poor, and as a result reclusive.
How do I train myself to be more socially aware? I do feel I miss out a lot.
2007-02-05 02:24:01 · 13 answers · asked by Saucy B 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Well that makes two of us. I'm the same way and have no idea how to change
2007-02-05 02:27:46 · answer #1 · answered by Kate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, ^^ Actually I have a friend of mine who has almost the same "problem". I think it has nothing to do with social awarness ! it's all about the way you have learned to communicate with people.
I know it's difficult to change a behavior built up on reclusive and none interreacting envirenmoent, but still you can feel comfortable on ur social life just by being yourself, eg when ur with ur boyfriend, try not only to ask some basic questions like what he has been doin' that week, but try to ask some deep questions which will make him use his senses and feelings to answer them, and u should be a good listen too ;) !
By the way I'm sorry if I didn't express myself well, because I'm not a native speaker.. I've just started to learn English .. :) !
Take care !
2007-02-05 10:45:49 · answer #2 · answered by ѕєνєη⑦ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, understand that u r not useless at socializing. u have identified the root cause of ur problem which points to ur childhood time, right? u cannot be blamed for being like that. but i am glad that u really have a desire to get out of the problem. as u said u have no problem attracting boyfriends and friends. only problem is that u sometimes forget to ask the key questions which are essential in fostering relationships. why dont u make a conscious effort to do that? u can even train urselves in being more social and outgoing. there is nothing wrong in that. people can bombard u with words of sympathy and advice, but no one can really help u, only u can help urselves. set up goals for urselves like, to be more outgoing, to be more productive at work, to try to foster relations etc. and try to acheive them . u can find out the results for urself. but never forget one thing. never fake interest in others. that is something artificial. show genuine interest, if u really feels like it. dont u want others to care abt u, asku how u r doing etc? if so, u have to behave in the same way towards them. try and u will succeed. all the best.
2007-02-05 10:39:26 · answer #3 · answered by lilac4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot of effort. If you were abused and marginalized as a child, chances are that you will be inclined not to socialize as an adult, very likely for fear of criticism or rejection.
I don't socialize either, and I won't make apologies for it. I find it better to be a loner and think for myself than to be influenced by other people or pretend to be like other people.
I have no use for any type of social life, but prefer to have a few true friends (and you can tell the difference between who is a friend and who isn't during bad times) and the one person who will love me unconditionally. I don't need anything else or anyone else. My husband is TRULY my best friend.
2007-02-05 10:30:54 · answer #4 · answered by flyhasitall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am naturally curious by nature and I have learned over the years that I want to know everything about everyone. So perhaps my interest will be helpful to you.
I find I am always asking people who, what, why, where, when and how!! No matter what someone says, you can always ask these questions. Just remember the six H's and when you are stuck -- start thinking of questions to form from them!
For example, if someone says today I went to the store, you can always say, "WHAT did you go for? What did you buy?" Did you have fun? Where did go? Why do you like to shop there over here?
More examples:
How are you? How do you feel?
Where were you the other day? I didn't see you.
What is your favorite color? How come? Why?
Why do you like roller skating? Or why do you like to go to the movies?
Where is your family from? What is your heritage?
People love when you listen to what they are saying and just ask basic questions. People love to talk about themselves -- so always think who, what, why, where, how and when! And you'll have it made :)
2007-02-05 10:34:19 · answer #5 · answered by Eyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be like that too! Seriously! I always felt like I was in a social rut, not being able to connect with anyone. For me though, things changed when I suffered a stroke 4 years ago. Since then, I find myself being less inhibited and more open about what ever's on my mind. Now I'm not suggesting you have a stroke! But just making subtle changes in your attitude will make loads of difference. Try to be more inquisitive and look for ways to empathise with the people you meet just like I did at the beginning by saying that I shared your problem etc...Good luck!
2007-02-05 12:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by Fragile Rock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think it has more to do with your personality, I am the same way. My friends tell me if they had to be alone for the day that they would go crazy. I believe that is there is all sorts of people. It has nothing to do with being poor.
Why do you have to change for other people, I did not feel like attending a funeral even. Some people are so content at staying home and again some people cannot stay home.
I know ladies who have raised their children in poverty that run around and leave them.
2007-02-05 10:31:38 · answer #7 · answered by Emily L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not useless - just unaccustomed to showing what's on your mind. You've been raised in a situation where you never had to think of others, and it isn't your first instinct. The fact that you realize it, is half the battle. Once you start to get out - join a group of something that interests you - and you'll start to blossom. You just haven't had the right opportunities to shine.
2007-02-05 10:30:37 · answer #8 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some good books. Get out more. You sound like you may be stressed right now and have other things on your mind.
Make it a habit to ask him whats up.
Try it today when you go home. It will be a good stress reliever too, to forget your problems and think about someone elses. Yaknow?
2007-02-05 10:28:02 · answer #9 · answered by Mia l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't worry, everyone can socialise in different ways. and yes, i think your childhood has affected your life but there are many ways to get it back on track..........first of all you could get a therapist- i know it sounds daft but it really does help......secondly have you got any family you can share this with? thirdly, i know making friends is hard, i've had to do that so many times, sometimes frienships work, but sometimes they dont, so just be yourself, and relax........dont worry, youll find a way back! doog luck.
2007-02-05 12:25:09 · answer #10 · answered by Venus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋