I am completely in love with my boyfriend and I want to marry him. I have a 3 year old boy from a previous marriage. The problem is that since the divorce we have lived with my mother, and he was her first and only grandchild. They are attached, and If I marry my boyfriend we will move about 3 hours away. We would still be able to see her. Every weekend if we wanted. I'm scared that my mother will make me feel guilty about taking the baby away from her, and I'm afraid she will tell me I'm doing the wrong thing and try to talk me out of it, but I love him, and I know that he will be good for us. He has a great job, he's a great person, and he wants us in his life forever. I have thought about everything, but my main concern is my baby's happiness. I guess I don't really have a question, I just need advice. I want to make everyone happy, but in the end someone is always gonna end up hurt. I can't keep on living life doing everything the way my mother wants it done. Right?
2007-02-05 02:07:36 · 24 answers · asked by precious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!!
2007-02-05 02:53:27 · answer #1 · answered by yungblud00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good parenting is about making good choices and setting your child as your first priority- not your mother and not your boyfriend. Since your child doesn't have a say, and doesn't have the words to express him or her self yet, you need to be the advocate for them. I agree, you can't do everything the way your Mom wants it. You need to make some mistakes and learn from them. Being that you already had a previous marriage (I'm not judging and have no idea of the circumstances) maybe you should enjoy "dating" longer as you already know about the awful consequences of when marriages break-up and divorce happens. There is nothing wrong with letting your boyfriend travel to see you- it may even prove his determination and willingness to be with you. Just my thoughts- good luck.
2007-02-05 10:16:36 · answer #2 · answered by beverleekumar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are first and foremost a MOM - put your baby first and do what is right for him. The man is still your "boyfriend" should he not be a fiancee if you are getting married? Has he asked you yet? I don't care one iota how much in love you are. One should not make big decisions while in early love, it's like being drunk, especially when a child is involved. If the boyfriend loves you , why can't he move?
What about your financial situation? Are you about to make yourself and your child financially dependent on your boyfriend?
Is your child bonded with the boyfriend? Is the boyfriend prepared to be a day in and day out dad?
Grandma might just be worried about how quickly you seem to be moving. How long have you known the boyfriend?
Think think and think again before you risk all for your child.
2007-02-05 10:16:54 · answer #3 · answered by nilam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. I know how overbearing mothers can be. How long have you and your b/f been together? If it's been less than a year, then I say that you wait to marry him. If you guys have been together for a while and you know that marrying him is the right thing for you to do, then by all means marry the guy! It will be hard on your mom (and your son) but they will adjust. You yourself said that you will still see your mom (every weekend if you wanted). If she truly loves you, she will be supportive of whatever decision you decide to make. However, listen to her. Don't shut her out or get defensive. Listen to her worries and fears and find a way to work them out together. Open, honest communication is key here.
2007-02-05 10:13:10 · answer #4 · answered by poohb2878 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your mother really cares for you and your child, and you're lucky about that. Yes, she's protective. Include her in discussions about your future - be firm, but loving. Tell her the qualities you see in your boyfriend and why you feel he'll be a great husband and stepfather. Yes, she's a mother and mothers tend to make us feel guilty but don't let her do it. Also, don't self-guilt - that's when you build up things in your own mind and start feeling guilty and then project that guilt onto others, thinking THEY are making you feel guilty. Let your mom see you feel confident and in love and happy and she'll feel better about it all. Do your best to retain a good, healthy relationship with her and between her and your son. It'll be difficult for all concerned but it's part of life, moving on and such. Best wishes.
2007-02-05 10:13:07 · answer #5 · answered by §Sally§ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's probably best to have a two parent home for the child. Does your son like your boyfriend? You should think of yourself and your son before your mother and your boyfriend.
I'd say that you should marry him as long as your son doesn't have any problems with your boyfriend. Your mother will still be able to see him on weekends and tell her that during the summers he can visit and stay over at her house. During breaks, too.
She needs to understand that you're a grown adult and that you're the mother of your son, not her.
2007-02-05 10:11:35 · answer #6 · answered by Julia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right.
I mean no offence to you, or your mother, but she would be being absolutely terrible if she tried to talk you out of getting married and moving out to be with your boyfriend, and your child together. Pulling a guilt trip on you would leave you helpless, probably hurt and most likely very down-- which, also, wouldn't be good for your little boy.
Your mother will be dissapointed at first that you're leaving, but if you explain to her all your reasons for leaving, and make it clear that she can still see you and your baby very often, and ask her to try to imagine your position, she should be understanding.
Good luck, hope she understands! :]
2007-02-05 10:15:17 · answer #7 · answered by x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you, your child, and even your mom think that this is a good man then you have to do what is best for your family. A Mom's role is to understand and want what is best for you and your child. Sit down and explain it to her as you have here, Mom this is what i want, this is what is best for "BABY" and I, i want you to know we will always make time for you and I am concerned about your feelings. Then it is Mom's turn to step up to the plate and do the right thing. Either way you dont have to feel guilty about doing the right thing and moving ahead with your relationship.
2007-02-05 10:13:28 · answer #8 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What WOULD be wrong is if your mother said anything for the purpose of making you feel "guilty" Guilty for what? For exercising your right to get on with your life and find happiness? Many people live a lot further away than three hours from their grandchildren. My good friends and neighbors drive 8 hours about once a month to visit theirs, and their kids come visit them on Thanksgiving andChristmas. Its not about your mother any more, it's about your life - your future, and if you feel that you can make a happy life with this man, for yourself and your child, you have a right to go for it.
You seem to be a person who isn't making a sudden, rash move, but who has done some deep thinking about the path you are wanting to take. But that's the whole point. You are a fullgrown, independent, self-determining adult who has to make her own decisions in life now. Your mother seems to be one of those women who just can't deal with the reality of their own children's adulthood. But you will be doing her no favors and certainly none for yourself and your child, if you don't embrace that reality yourself, and act on it.
What you need to do is take a deep breath, and kindly, but firmly, say "Mom, I believe I can make a life with this man. I love him and I feel he will be good to us, and FOR us. Don't make this about choosing between you and somebody else. It's about me needing to make a personal decision for my life and my future, with you as a part of it, and with your blessing and support"
Y'know, we've come a long way from the days when, if you left your place of birth and went off the other side of the country or the world, the only communication was a letter in the mail. These days we've got some incredible computer and other technologies, that let us see, and interract with our loved ones on just about every level but that of physical presence., But you can even remedy this, doing in reverse what my friends do. Get in your vehicle and make the journey to visit on special occasions. Even have your mom come spend some time with you when you get settled. It's do-able; and once over the initial "shock" of you asserting your full adult independence to make this decision, I believe she'll "get with the program" and play her part in the doing of it.
2007-02-05 11:53:26 · answer #9 · answered by sharmel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTLEY!!! your mother had her chance to live her life and of course you weren't telling her what to do... You are above all a mother and you need to do what is best for you and your child and from experience it's not living with your mom.... She can't expect you to not move on and have your own life that would be selfish of her... I'm sure it will hurt for a bit but once everytihng is adjusted it will be fine... Hey I went through the exact same thing and now 8yrs. later I am still with my husband and our four children and my mom couldn't be happier.... everything takes time
2007-02-05 10:15:12 · answer #10 · answered by B-E-B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom will have to realise that you are doing what is good for you. if your mom makes you feel guilty about moving away, she's not being fair to you or the baby. Plus you said that you could visit every weekend. What's the problem?
2007-02-05 10:21:43 · answer #11 · answered by H.B.K. 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋