He claims that a friend of his did this as a joke and that he thought it was already deleted. He was listed as looking for a female 18-24 yrs. He was divorced. blah blah blah.I am extremeley hurt b/c of problems we have had in the past & I told him that I think I should leave. He swears of course that he loves me & he is not going to screw up again. When your married & you really love someone when do you say okay thats it? I don't know what to do so some serious answers from mature people would be greatly appreciated.
2007-02-05 02:04:47 · 61 answers · asked by tabitha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i was not looking for love on the site trust me i saw the name of it in his favorites on his laptop so i checked it out
2007-02-05 02:12:18 · update #1
and we are suppose to be in a very sound religious relationship he is Muslim but has only been in USA for 2yrs so I did tell him that I think this country has tested his faith and maybe he made a mistake in marrying me but he still stands by the fact that he was wrong & that he will not let this happen again...I am afraid..
2007-02-05 02:30:16 · update #2
very very afraid
2007-02-05 02:32:37 · update #3
If the problems you had in the past were due to him cheating, I'd say that is enough. You must have given him another chance before and look what he did with it.
2007-02-05 02:12:55 · answer #1 · answered by jjayferg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a very similar situation. I found a photo of a woman on my then-husband's cell phone. When I asked him about it, he told me it was a joke. A mate of his had supposedly sent him the pic. To cut a long story short, I called the number, spoke to the woman (who was very helpful towards me and shocked to learn that the guy she had met on a dating site was indeed still married). She gave me the dating site link and I checked it out. Turns out my husband was on quite a few dating sites complete with photo's!
I guess he didn't think I would find out. I probably never would have if it wasn't for the pic on his cell phone. Needless to say, this was one of the many straws that determined I had to leave him and get a divorce a.s.a.p.
If a man or woman are serious about their marriages, they would not be on any dating sites at all....the internet is just another way for some people to cheat and it's so much easier for them.
My advice to you is, get yourself a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings....ask yourself this, what kind of friend would put your husband's photo and profile on a dating site? A joke is a joke but this is far more serious....your husband is guilty and the only thing he is remorseful for (if he is at all) is the fact that he got caught.
I'm a fairly open minded person, except when it comes to cheating on your partner...this is something I will draw the line at. If he felt there was something missing in the relationship, then he should have come to you and discussed it openly like a mature, married man....not snuck around behind your back to play the cheating game.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best. I'm sorry you had to go through such a thing. I know only too well what it's like.
2007-02-05 02:57:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow what kind of friends does your husband have to play a stupid joke like that? I really don't know about that being a joke. And if he has already screwed up in the past, then it's obvious that your trust for this man is deteriorating. But you need to ask yourself, how much you can take. With everybody it is different. I was ignorant when I knew my fiance was cheeting and staying until he admitted it. I'll never let it get that far again. I could understand if you stay...he had a somewhat reasonable exuse, but if anything ever happened again, maybe that would be the time to let him go.
2007-02-05 02:20:17 · answer #3 · answered by Jay's Mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a HUGE part of a good relationship. Without it, you cannot be truly happy. You have no reason to trust that he is being honest with you! Why would this site be in his favorites if his friend entered it as a joke? Don't allow him to manipulate you into believing something that you know is a lie!!! Respect yourself!! RESPECT YOURSELF!!!!! If you do, others will respect you as well!
I am not an advocate for divorce. I think anything can be worked through if both parties are determined to do it and are honest about their wrong-doings. He isn't being honest with you! He continues to lie to try to cover his azz, therefore, he doesn't truly want to change! He is ruining your self-esteem, and you are letting it happen.
If nothing else, I think you should seperate for a while. You will know if he seriously wants to make it work. If he sees the seperation as a free ticket to whore around, you know you have to move on. If he sees it as an oppurtunity to get counceling and grow up, then maybe there is a chance!
Best of luck to you! Don't live unhappy - life is too short, you will regret it!
2007-02-05 02:32:48 · answer #4 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 things: 1. How did you look at the exact dating site that has your hubby? Did some one ask you to?
2. Are you in the habit of surfing dating sites?
If the answer to #1 is because some one asked you to, then may be some one is jealous and put his photo there to split you up. Or, some one is trying to show you what a rat he really is. Talk to this person and ask them what they know.
If you say yes to #2: You are not too trustworthy either, are you, if you are seriously looking for someone else in a dating site!
You guys should have an honest talk about each other's insecurities. Continue if you both still love each other, or split up now to save future heartache. I think you are very insecure and may be he is too and this is how he shows it...
2007-02-05 04:21:02 · answer #5 · answered by Marge S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you are having hard time in your married life. You know, as adults we do have our weak moments. When you got married you vowed to be with your husband in good and bad things as well. A relationship of that kind is not easy to replace that's why I would suggest the following:
1- Talk to him calmly
2- Expose your life since you got married and try to see what was the motive behind his behaviour.
3-Ask him and ask yourself how do you see your relationship and if it is healthy or no
4-ask him if you did the same what would be his reaction.
And from there you can take it step by step.
Keep in mind one thing: Everyone deserves a second chance. If nothing has changed then I would suggest that you would leave. You have the right to live happily and have a man to love you and to be for you, only you.
2007-02-05 02:17:54 · answer #6 · answered by Jay C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide for yourself, is all this pain, stress and disrespect are worth your time and energy? Do you believe he can change? If so, do you believe he would change for you and your marriage? If you answered no to any of those questions, you need to move on. I promise you, he will never stop screwing around, and most likely he is looking for a girl that would feel bad for him because he will tell her that he is hurt since the divorce, which never happened, and that he is not ready for a relationship but he will make sure that she understands that he wants to feel loved, if you know what I mean. Move on honey, you are so much better off without him!
2007-02-05 02:11:27 · answer #7 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
enough is enough in a relationship when its foundations are on a quicksand and your partner isn't doing anything about it...anyways, I think that you have "trust problem" issues to resolve. just because of the pains in the past doesn't mean that he can't change soon...(but not SOOOO soon.)
better personally ask that "friend of his" without him knowing so that you won't be getting a biased answer...
as for you,tell him exactly how it made you feel...being open to a honest and wholesome communication really helps in understanding any situation...
oh yeah and lastly,if your "female intuition" is telling you that he might really be screwing you up,take it as a hint to start being conscious of his actions...heck, if he is causing you to tear floods and is still so naive about it,well you should know what to do next.
2007-02-05 02:29:49 · answer #8 · answered by BlueRin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say you must be questioning this relationship if you are looking on dating websites...Finding his picture??? Why were you even at that website? Looking for yourself or checking up on him? Seems this relationship is in deep trouble. I don't buy the "friend" story. You either need to get out fast or seek counseling. This is serious stuff. I wouldn't stay. You will be questioning his honesty all the time.
2007-02-05 02:11:06 · answer #9 · answered by kk 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you should be upset that he has an ad in a dating website, however shouldnt he also be upset that you found him on one? there must be a reason for this also, I wouldnt give him the benefit of the doubt and if his friend did this for a joke then his friend should have told you about it before hand, I was married for almost 10 years and I also found my ex-wifes photo on one, and yes there is a reason that we are divorced, be careful. trust is a big part of marriage without it the marriage is pretty much over.
2007-02-05 02:10:07 · answer #10 · answered by Tommy J 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋