how can i leave him?

Question

i have been living with my boyfriend for over 4 years now, slowly, ive become dependant on him and he has taken over our finances. i dont know how or when that happened, but he made sure i didnt jave savings. it wasnt so bad untill i found out he has another woman he is doing the same thing too,,basically cheating on me. im tired of the lies and cheating and want to leave but although i have a job, i cant up and leave, no money,nowhere to go, and he is just crazy ! any advice on how i can save money secretly ,,how to ease out of this realtionship and stand on my own feet again,,i dont know how to take the control of my life back. any advice is appreciated

Answer 1

The only way you will be able to leave is to just do it. If you continue to wait until you are able to save enough money, you will never leave. You have a controlling boyfriend whom you've allowed to have complete control. You are going to have to leave him in order to reclaim your life and your finances. There is no easy way to do anything. I left my ex-husband with my son and $4.00 to my name. If you are determined to get out of a controlling and "unsafe" situation, you will do what is necessary to get out of it. I am now extremely happier and remarried to a wonderful man who has stepped up to be an exceptional step-father to my son. If you allow people to control you and take things from you, then that's exactly what they are going to do. Get out of that situation and do something better with your life. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 2

Hey this worked for me don't know how much control over the money you have.

I would take money from his wallet when he had to much to drink.
he thought he spent it.

You can also put some of the grocery money back just skip some of the little things that he wouldn't notice.

You could also call your family and tell them what is going on. But if you do, make it for real. People wont be so likely to help you next time if you run right back into the same mess.

If you have out of town relatives ask him if you can go for a visit if he is cheating he will probably enjoy the freedom throw what you need in a bag and don't come back.

Answer 3

The only advice that I can give to you is to just LEAVE. when you are trying to "ease" your way out of an unhealthly relationship.. it only gets harder... once you decide to leave an abusive/controling relationship, you need to sever ALL ties. There is no way you can "straddle" the fence.. sitting the in middle with out knowing which side your going on, will only cause you to fall off the fence.... prehaps to the side you really didn't want to be on,.

do you have family, friends... someone you can crash with for about a month? Think about what you really want.. and make sure you do it whole heartedly... without convictions or regrets.

Hope this helps honey.! Peace and Love

Answer 4

we do sometimes trust people we shouldn't trust, who lure us in and make us feel safe and than we find out things about them showing us we made a bad choice. don't give him any more money, he has been using u all along. chances are when he knows he can't get every thing u go he will end the relationship and move on where he can continue to use someone else. it is a hard lesson to learn, and unfortunate for u. stand up to him but if u do he will end the relationship. we should never become dependent on a man if we do we give up our power to someone who may not have our best interest at heart.

Answer 5

congratulations on being brave enough to leave a loser like that. you deserve so much and you are on your way to conquering your life and even the world!!!
i think u can own your own bank account and keep a po box somewhere so he doesnt see your mail. you only need a couple of hundred to find a cheap apt for next month. so what if it is in a bad neighborhood..just do it for now then GO and dont let him know where ur going. you can lie and say you need to move out of town to take care of a sick relative.
or a cheap sublet or room. i saw one for 150 a month. ever try craigslist.org http://newyork.craigslist.org/jsy/roo/273625012.html

once u leave the apt you will be homefree:D
The question isn't HOW can you leave him but WHEN can you leave him.
The answer is NOW.

Answer 6

He's takin' control of your life and he's cheatin' on you. So there's enough and strong reason for you to start leaving him. don't be afraid to move out from that kind of relationship. Why don't you move back to your parents for a while... or maybe can move into your girl friends house, i'm sure there must be someone out there to help you out. No body need to control your own life except yourself. If you don't have money then you can start to find a job... I know it's not that easy to move on something you get used to, not easy to find a job. But, if you really willing to do it. then there must be a way out... Must be so hard in the beginning but, when you can do it well... in the end you'll feel proud of yourself and that's all worth it... Gud luck N please don't give up easily... There must be someone out there to help you in someway...

^_^ -SunshiNe-

Answer 7

why not open a new checking account and start putting your paychecks in the new account. Call the police and have him put out. If he has been cheating on you ask him to leave and go live with the other women.

Answer 8

why not just pick up and go..

thats what i had to do when i left my ex.. i coudln't live anywhere on my own and that kept me from leaving as well i finally had enough.. so i sucked in my pride and moved back in with parents..

i only moved back home for a year but i'm glad i did

Answer 9

ASK YOUR EMPLOYER IF YOU CAN HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT DEDUCTED FROM YOUR CHECK EACH WEEK AND HAVE IT PUT INTO A SAVINGS ACCT THAT YOUR B/F DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT. HAVE ANY BILLS IN YOUR NAME ONLY SENT TO YOUR WORK ADDRESS SO HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THEM.

GET ANOTHER JOB AND KEEP ALL OF THAT MONEY.

SELL SOME OF HIS STUFF AND GET OUT FAST BEFORE HE FINDS OUT ABOUT IT.

OR JUST STEAL THE MONEY OUT OF THE ACCT.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

Answer 10

If you don't leave now, you're gonna regret it each second longer you stay. You only get one shot at life. Make it the best possible. Good luck!!