Is alcohol dependency an illness or a symptom of a personality disorder?

Question

...I am talking about my partner here, age 42, can some one really overcome alcohol dependence at this age. I feel it cannot be done with out therapy / counselling. However it appears not everyone is ammenable to " mind medicine" and fear it so. this time he really could loose myself and our two children - yet sober he is a lovely man and the kids adore him. He says I am his soul mate....although I love him, unfortunatley he is no longer mine, I've had to do some degree of detaching... any thoughts?? Thanks.

lots of interesting, intelligent, thought provoking comments - thank you, very hard to pick best answer. I thank you all.

Answer 1

The question to ask is why is he an alcoholic? What does he get out of it that he thinks he can't live without? What were his parents like? Most addictions are a crutch- it's a coping mechanism.
It's difficult to say whether he has a personality disorder or not- most people have symptoms that fit into the personality disorder criteria and these can overlap with other mental health problems. Obviously he has a problem that he is masking with alcohol- It's a bit like self medication except it's not treating the root cause and it's poisoning him... The role of a counsellor is to help the person to see things by asking certain questions. If he is self medicating in this way, it means that he cannot or doesn't want to see the root cause- a counsellor would help him to become aware of it- but all this depends on whether he wants to change or not- if he doesn't want to change- he won't! Even if he gets counselling. It's interesting to know that addictions are generally linked to an emotional problem and also of being in and out of control- think of how he reacts to being in and out of control of a situation and also how his parents delt with control.. it might also be interesting for you to ask yourself how you deal with control as you are his partner and you are together for a reason. When we look for a partner in someone we often look to fill what's missing. Alcohol means that a person no longer controls the situation and whereas someone who is not in control of a situation feels distressed, an alcoholic aneasthesises himself so he doesn't feel the distress or pain.
good luck...

Answer 2

It is possible to give up an addiction at any age, providing the person has the strength of will to do it and the correct help. To answer your primary question, there is a lot of debate in psychology as to the specific nature of an addiction - is it an illness or a symptom? Certainly a person who is addicted to alcohol is physically dependent on it and will become physically ill without it. Some researchers think there is an "addictive personality", which explains why people often develop more than one addiction. Semantics aside, addiction is a very damaging and upsetting disorder, as I'm sure you know.

Treatment of alcoholism is twofold. Firstly, the patient must commit to quit drinking completely. This is often more complicated than it sounds as most addicts deny they have a problem. The patient will then begin to detox. Chronic drinkers may experience several unpleasant symptoms including tremors, nausea, anxiety, seizure and even psychosis. Alcohol withdrawal should be monitored medically as it puts the body under great strain. There is medication available to ameliorate these symptoms.

Secondly, the patient needs to identify the causal factors of their addiction. Addicts abuse substances to medicate themselves against unpleasant circumstances or feelings. They need to break this negative coping strategy and adopt a new way to deal with their problems. This requires therapy, be it in a group or individual environment. Many people are suspicious of therapy but it is crucial to the patients long-term recovery.

I suggest you have a heart-to-heart with your partner, when he is sober. Calmly state the reality that he is seriously risking his health and your relationship. Explain what will happen if he doesn't quit. Offer your support through the recovery process. If he is unwilling to stop drinking you need to think seriously about detaching yourself from this man. Prolonged drinking causes serious health and mental problems. He may become aggressive and endanger your family. Plus, there is evidence that children of alcoholics have a higher chance of developing addictions themselves because they see it as a viable coping strategy.

Here are some useful addresses. There are also support groups and forums for family members of alcoholics. There is plenty of help out there. Don't be afraid to accept it.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk
www.promis.co.uk
www.alcoholconcern.org.uk
www.al-anonuk.org.uk

Best of luck!

Answer 3

Emily,
The truth is that it can be both. It varies from case to case. Research shows that it is genetic. If you have a parent who drinks, chances are, you will drink also. However, this is not always the case. As a child of an alcoholic father, I cannot stand the smell or taste of alcohol. So, there are exceptions. On the other hand, my best friend of 15 years comes from a family that is so squeaky clean that they shine (lol). Anyway, while in college, my friends gets heavily into partying and drinking. Now?? She is an alcoholic who is spinning out of control. She has lost her job, most of her friends, and her fiance'. She has finally entered into a rehab program and is progressing slowly. She does well for months at a time and then "backslides" for a day or two, but she is making progress. You have to remember that once upon a time she couldn't make it through one day (or even 1 hour) without a drink.
Okay, here's the bottom line. Whether genetic, social, or environmental, a person can overcome his/her alcoholism. But here's the deal: THEY have to WANT to do it. That's the only way that this will happen. Once they make that decision, TRULY make that decision, then recovery CAN begin. It can. I mentioned earlier my dad's situation. Well, after a "lifetime" of drinking and being largely irresponsible, at the age of 60, he has been "clean" for 7 years now. However, it took him almost losing his life to get him to this point. Like the man in your life, he is a very nice man. But I must tell you that our relationship has been forever damaged. I still love him though. I wish you and your family the best in dealing with this situation. I hope that the man in your life can find the strength to do what he needs to do. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

I had alcoholic parent. My mom and my step dad drank heavily. My mom quit on her own..yet my step dad had to go to dry out, cause it was more of a pyschical thing for him.
The best thing to do, is find an inpatient alcohol center and get him in. Once in it will be tough, but, will be worth it when he gets out, and they're will be adjustments for you , him, and the kids. While in treatment make sure they will work with the whole family as a unit. Thats is the most effective way.
Also, for yourself attend AA meetings, they are not just for the alcoholics anymore.
They also have teen AA meetings..that you can look into for your children, even if they are not teens they could help you with information.
Detaching is away for people to become less hurt by loved ones actions. You will find you still love him, and that it will take time if you decide to try this route. Trust is a thing thats hard to regain once lost but, it can be done.
Good luck

Answer 5

Detaching is running away and it's a long hall for both the drinker and the spouse/family. You are as one...so detaching as if it weren't happening could be enabling him. For me getting tough about what I would accept in my home and allow myself and the kids to go thru was the key to get the ball rolling. Love does not ignore...that is secular belief. There really isn't any difference between emotional divorce and physical divorce.

Which is it? Marriage/family or the drink? Let him know that you are dealing with your end of the marriage and expect him to meet you half way so that you may both protect and nurture your marriage together - one can't go it alone. He is the one that makes this choice not you but let him know it's either __or__ and at his age he should be getting some negative feedback from his body as well so might be a good time to be real about it if you care about him and your marriage.

Answer 6

It is never to late to overcome an addiction. In my opinion all addictions are an illness, and have nothing to with your personality. I am not a Dr. just a 25 year old, with her own thoughts. I do agree with you that it cannot be done with out therapy. It may be time for an intervention. Talk to a local drug/alcohol counselor to see if they can help you arrage one. During the intervention make him aware of the problem and how it is affecting his family. Also, if you have the ability to so try to record him sober, and also when he's not. Play back the video to him and show him how different he is. Sometimes that is enough to push them in to 'rehab'. If he is not willing to to work on treating his illness, they I am sad to say..it is time to let go. Sometimes you have to do what is best for the children, and an alcoholic sets the wrong example for young impressionable minds. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Well, I think that it's both. They have done studies where it was shown that alcoholism can be genetic.
However, if it is not genetic, a person can have a dependent personality disorder, hence depend on the alcohol to get through his/her day. Or they can have an addictive disorder. Known the term drug and alcohol addiction.
But, if you put any of them together in general, it is an illness. At least he hasn't gotten to the point that if he doesn't have any beer or liquor around that he is going to drink household products that contain alcohol like I know someone that did.

Answer 8

It is both. My husband is an alcoholic and has been in sobriety for 30 years. I have attended many AA meetings. I am constantly surprized over "Who" has sobered up.

Addiction whether alcohol, drugs, etc. can always be overcomed. However the addict needs to make the decision that it is what they need.

My husband tried several times to get sober for me, the kids, etc. but only worked when he did it for himself.

Find an Ala Anon group and attend it. It really helped me. You need to get help for yourself and your children. It's a tough position to be in, I was there. It' is like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde...

Take care of yourself

Answer 9

Personally i think people can stop drinking, if they really want to.
My brother was a drunk for at least 17 years.About 14 years ago
he got sick and had to be hospitalized,as he had been throwing
up a lot.Well his emergency room doctor gave him his wake up call,when he showed him tiny pieces of his liver that were in his vomit.This scared him enough that he has not drank alcohol since that day.My brother is now a happy and healthy 62 year old.

Answer 10

been in this area for twenty years
your right in that its both
real drink issues I don't mean kids needing to show
how ..... they are
happen because were P off at something
usually ourselves and/or
by what was done to us at an earlier time
you both need help but the mind police I'm afraid
can exacerbate the problem not help
it is really tricky you have to find someone but competence
is few and far between most are either Victorian or book worms
(those that can actually help are very rare)
best bet contact MIND and explain the issue
bwishes