What to do if family is unsupportive of decision to get divorced?

Question

I have been married for 7 yrs & have 3 very young children. My husband is not abusive & is a very good father. However, I am not in love with him anymore. This is not the first time I have felt this way in the marriage. Off & on throughout the years I struggled with feelings of whether or not to stay, because I wasn't sure if the feelings were what they should be. We have been to counceling (although honestly we didn't go long because of financial reasons). Now after several things have happened in the past few years (where he was not there for me when I really needed him) that have pushed him away from me mentally & physically, I feel that no matter how much counceling I went to, that the feelings are no longer there & I can't work on the marriage anymore. I am not in love & as much as I wish I was because of our children....we both deserve to be with someone & completely 100% loved. My family does not understand this & feels that it should be worked on. How do I make them?

Answer 1

You cannot make them understand and if I were you I wouldn't even try. You know what's best for you and although the children will suffer from the split all you can do is make it as pleasant as you can. As long as you allow your husband to continue to be a part of the children life and don't deny him his rights as a father, it should be okay. I think that when you stay in a relationship because of the kids it makes things worse on them.....my brother and his wife did this and their kids got to see all the fighting and arguing that went on-they should have just split and shared custody. I wish you the best of luck on this one but you have to do what is best for you, you can't live your life to satisfy other people and remember this.....you will not be the first to divorce and you won't be the last. Pray about it and move on.....

Answer 2

I completely understand your feelings however you may want to actually listen to what your family is saying and not be so block minded because sometimes doing what is right is not always doing what is easiest or what we want to do. I don't know what your religious views are but in Ecclesiastes5;4 it says {when you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it. For he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed..} It sounds to me like you are being a llittle selfish having 3 kids to take care of wears on a relationship I know we have 4 young children 1, 2, 5, and 6. but as the children get older there will be more time for each other. Just remember also that there are probably things your husband needs that he feels he isn't getting from you but loving someone is looking beyond there flaws. The idea of finding someone who is totally into you sounds good now but once you have met someone how long will it be untill they get jelous of your children or the exhusband or you start feeling guilty for destroying your childrens family or a million other things, you sound like a smart woman who deep down doesn't want to end the marriage you just need alittle more understanding and compassion from your husband which takes time. But is definatly something that can be fixed I think putting you marriage first to financial problems would be a start there are plenty of sliding scale counceling services where it is based on your income. In your statement you are saying you have pushed him away so if you split up later you will have alot of guilt to deal with especially as your children get older and realize more and more. Also having young children can be very overwhelming, there alot of mom groups that maybe helpful. A marriage is made up of two good forgivers. Listen to your family they love you and most likly felt what you have felt especially if they are older. Don't be so caught up in yourself that you miss the big picture. We are all imperfect human beings so if you think there are marriages where people don't ever feel like they are on the short end of the stick or that they want to give up you are wrong it is being 100% committed to making things work not being 100% in love because ask yourself what is love? I got to reading some of the other answers and I totaly agree with Sxybrwney.

Answer 3

You can't make your family understand and I would not care what they thought they are not married to him you are.I am a firm believer in working on things before giving up sounds like you have done that if the feelings are not there then they just aren't.I would move on if thats what i needed to do.I will tell you being in blended family is so hard.My husband and i both have one child from previous marriages and it sucks.Its been one year and its better but boy that first year i wanted to give up.We have a baby girl together and things are great,it took alot of work to get here.So guess you need to think which is worse being in an unhappy marriage or getting married and being unhappy because there is constant problems with new hubby,kids,and ex.Just think about those things and make your decision for you not for you family,its none of their business no matter how close you are to them...good luck

Answer 4

Short answer is you can't. They will never get it. i will say that marriage isn't easy, and you do have to work hard at it to make it a Happy one. They have probably been through what you are going through right now, but they stayed and eventually it worked out for them. I heard an interview once with a couple that had been married 60 or 70 years. When they were asked what their secret was the answer was, Luckily, we didn't fall out of love with each other at the same time. I would have a hard time leaving under the circumstances you have described.
Just like you want them to see your point of view, they are trying to get you to see theirs. Ultimately, it is your life you have to live it the way you see fit, and sometimes, your family is going to disagree with your decisions, but you have to do what you think is best for you and your kids anyway.

Answer 5

Stop caring what the family understands it's not there life. Think about your children and what staying in a loveless marriage is teaching them. It's up to you and only you to make yourself happy. A happy mother is a good mother! If the family cared about your happiness and the mental health of your children then they should respect your wants and needs. We are not responsible to make others happy with the decisions we make only ourselves. You have the right to be happy now!

Answer 6

Dear Lady...you can only sit your family down and tell them how you feel and what you need to be happy and if they cannot understand then there is nothing more you can do about it. Therefore, you must make the decision based upon that which YOU feel is the correct pathway to follow and others will just have to " Deal With It ". Perhaps that sounds cruel or crude but that's life.

Answer 7

It's your life. You choose to live it and don't ever regret your decision. Show your family that your decision to divorce is what you wanted and it's the right choice. Show them how happy you are after the divorce and live your life to the fullest. Tell your family that your husband deserves some happiness too....not from you but with someone else. Sooner or later, your family will understand and stands by your decision.

Answer 8

now could be a solid time to distance your self from unsupportive human beings. you opt to create a loving atmosphere for the recent infant. i'm particular your mothers and dads will come around in time yet interior the recommend time dont rigidity your self out approximately it. flow to the bathe, be civil and go away if there are any issues. consistent with probability your mothers and dads think of your sister desires extra help b/c she is a lot youthful??

Answer 9

YUO might think of better way of saving your marraige since you had the intentions of staying for better and for worst,i can tell you this out of all marriages thatdo not value family life values the desicion is always to head for the divorce courts, it is better to live your life knowing that you have than what god needs from you than to feel guilty of breaking up your FAMILY,but still the anwser to stay or leve is up to you.

Answer 10

man familys... you can choose your friends but not your relatives.

it is YOUR life not theirs. you need to do what is best for you and the kids. living in a unhappy home with eventually affect the children and you don't want that. why waste more years on a bad marriage.

you both deserve to find love and happiness. yes you too.

if they don't understand then that is their burden, not yours.

I wish you luck and hope you find the right one for you.