i ve been with my boyfriend for early a year now.and i love him loads, but ive been hurt in the past and i get vry insecure at times and i start thinking that he will leave me or cheat on me and sometimes i think that he doesnt love me at all, but deep down i know he does( i no it sounds stupid) and i even feel like i'm 2nd best to him(because he sees his kid on sunday and hes more boverd bout upseting her that he wont be able to spend whole day with her than coming round for dinner that my family has invited him to)i always say that i feel like 2nd best but i cant tell him y incase i lose him ???what shud i do?anyone in similar situation?
2007-02-05 00:11:08 · 9 answers · asked by Mal S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Be honest w/ him!!!! Must communicate. Seek counseling for your insecurities. I have children. He is in a tough position when it comes to his kid. Be patient. It's hard to understand when you aren't a parent yourself. Give it time. Make the time he has w/ his kid,your time to do what you want. When the timing is right, you all will be together if that's meant to be.
2007-02-05 00:16:52 · answer #1 · answered by ladyamydz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend was in a similar situation. It didn't work out because the guy would always consider his daughter's needs more important than anything else. Which is fine, but not at the expense of a romantic relationship.
You're talking either-or, whether he loves me, or not at all; whether he's gonna leave me, or not. Think in the middle. He kinda likes you but he is ambivalent, and the more you grasp his hand, the more distant he will get. But the less you show interest, the less he will return it too. So it is a tough situation.
Really depends on you guys, how you agree on the relationship. If you're ok with him being worried about his daughter being upset at him, then that's how it will be. But if you're not, esp. that you said you're 2nd best, then do something about it. He gotta make you a priority at least some of the time, and he gotta realize there's only 1 sunday every week. And he's not gonna be young forever, and you won't be sitting around waiting forever.
Sometimes it helps to imagine the worst. So, if you tell him how you feel and what things you want to change, you think you'll lose him? And what if not?
I can't tell you what to do, but don't fool yourself, and never be afraid to say things to your loved one, because most things that cause relationships to fall apart are the result of misunderstanding and lack of communication. You got your life and you want to enjoy it, correct?
Best of luck
2007-02-05 00:25:51 · answer #2 · answered by sara 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not in the same situation as you thankfully and i do feel sorry for you, a friend of mine was in a similar situ thou, she just had to go with the flow, if you show him your insecure it will make him edgy and he may feel he cant cope with the pressure of being in a relationship but if you dont like feeling second best and it happens all the time tell him , be honest and open at least then you will know where you stand and one way or another you will be able to get on with your life whether its with him or without him and remember all things in life happen for a reason and if its meant to be you two will stay together. good luck
2007-02-05 00:31:25 · answer #3 · answered by pagan1973 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people are their own enemies when it comes down to ruining relationships. They bring in their past experiences into their current ones and wait for it to crash and burn. You are going to have to let go of the past in order for your current love life to flourish. As far as his child is concerned, you have to look at it from the outside in. For example: He has a child. That will always be his child and he has a responsibility to his child no matter what. Yes you are in his life now, but there are no gaurantees as to whether or not you will be with him forever. His child will always be there and is his priority. Would it be possible for you to spend time with him and his child? Time management is the key here I think. He has his days with his child and you have your days with him. Don't feel as though you are second best. Instead, you should be excited that he is spending time with his child. Be glad he is not a dead beat dad. Imagine you married him and had a child together. Wouldn't you like to know that he would always be there for your child? You can also try to see it from his child's perspective or any child's perspective. A dad should always be around. My parents divorced when I was very young, but my dad was always around and he also had a wife and another child. This also depends on the age of the child. A younger child will not understand that daddy needs to spend time with his girlfriend. Early years are the most important for a child's development and a father figure is very necessary. You are only going on your first year. This is not a competition for his love. The love he feels for his child is completely different from the love he feels for you. So basically, don't worry about it. Don't wait for your relationship to crash and burn because of the what ifs. Love him, accept the fact that he needs to spend time with his child, and enjoy the time you spend with him.
2007-02-05 00:38:06 · answer #4 · answered by zumi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is only able to access his kid on a Sunday, then no matter how much you feel 2nd best in his life you must never tell him.
If you say "the kid or me" you may not like what he tells you. Remember he has precious litlle time to spend watching his child grow up.
2007-02-05 00:19:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anchor Cranker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him,if your not careful your insecurities will drive him away,feeling second best to his child is hard to believe, of course he's going to want to spend time with her if he only sees her once a week, that's something you should just accept. Your boyfriend is not the one that has hurt you so why take it out on him?
2007-02-05 00:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by fairyb04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deep down you know he loves you....you said it yourself. So now is to build the confidence for your relationship. If you don't trust him, the relationship will fall apart, sooner or later. You have to understand that he is only able to see his kid on one day a week, while he spend everyday other day with you.
So if he has not done anything wrong, learn to trust him.....Trust that he will love you and be loyal to you....
Good luck.
2007-02-05 00:18:47 · answer #7 · answered by chardonnayormerlot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His child will always come first darlin,
You should have respect for him that he is taking his responsiblities seriously and being a good dad. Explain your insecurities to him and maybe he will encourage you to spend time with him and his child altogether.
If you want him hunni, you have to accept that he has baggage too.
2007-02-05 00:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by EMA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try this... www.catchhimandkeephim.com
2007-02-05 00:17:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋