How much work is a 6 month old baby? (read details before answering!)?

Question

I'm not asking this because I want to know really. I have a 6 month old daughter, a dog and two cats to look after + a husband who thinks all I do all day is sit around and do nothing.
Anyone here who can explain to him how much work a baby is???
He doesn't seem to know that I have gone from being Carmen to being Charlotte's mum!

tried leaving for an hour before. He rang me after 30 minutes because she wouldn't stop crying. since then I have given up on leaving her with him for longer than 20 minutes.

unfortunately he can't just take days of works. And he's going away for another 3 month next week (Army :( )
Tried making him to most of the things while he's here, but when i ask him to change her nappy he spends anohter 15 minutes in front of the computer. he knows i hate waiting for him to do it, so i always end up doing it myself

Answer 1

OMG! I have a six month old as well,let me tell you, she is a "good" baby, but still, it's hard work having her! You never get a minute to yourself, even to use the toilet! Unless she's napping of course, but then you're running around doing the things you can't do while holding her, like showering, getting meals ready, laundry, you know the drill...it's crazy. Dr Phil says being at home is the equivalent of two full-time jobs and I think he's right! You're on-call all night as well!!!!

Answer 2

ok firstly when you have asked him to change a nappy, walk away until he has done it.... It is not a major danger to leave her for 10 mins (I find this so hard) but he knows you will take over.

The baby is trying it on because he folds like a cheap suit, and you come rushing back.

Let him work through it, the baby will survive. Give him some of the good jobs he will enjoy i.e. bath with baby that will give you 30 mins to yourself.

He needs to drop the PC or whatever else when you are going out and have some undivided time with his baby.

You have nobody to pass the baby to when the going gets tough, so you deserve a break, does he not want a healthy relationship with his child or is he going to spend the whole time hiding behind you and letting you run yourself into the ground.

Give him the your other choices sit at home and do just the basics and nothing for him to show him what "nothing" really is, or tell him your going to work full time and ALL the housework, shopping, baby, running around, has to be shared.

This is not personal to your hubby and i am not a man hater, i have done the above with mine and our family life has improved so much. If you let your man take advantage now your relationship will suffer later you will end up resentful and worn-out.

It sounds to me like you have let him get away with shruking his responsibility as a hubby and a dad. Don't just be Charlottes mum, you need his help to get back to that sexy Carmen he first feel in love with.

Answer 3

I have a seven month old baby and speaking as a full time paid worker can honestly say that looking after the baby is harder. At weekends when I am at home all day I make sure that I am up early to take care of the baby so that my sife can have a lie in since she is the one who invariably has to get up in the night to breast feed. Because my wife is the main parent in the week, she is the one who prepares all the food for the baby and as a consequence does most of the day time feeding. When you are with a child they want your attention 100% of the time, okay they might sleep for an hour in the day but then there is other work to do. You could of course ignore your child adn not stimulate it and stunt its intellectual growth, maybe your husband sees those as not being important. I am constantly ashamed of other men who are not man enough to do there share of child care. I assume that when he comes home you then do 50% each or does he think his day should be shorter than yours.

You need to insist on a weekend off, and by that I mean away. Let him see what it is like.

Answer 4

Stop trying to explain to your husband or anyone for that matter how hard you work or what it takes to care for a baby. There is no way, by words alone, that anyone can fully understand unless they experience it.

Tell your husband that you need a break, period. He is her father and should be able to (and should want to!) take care of her. If what it takes is an hour or two here, hour or two there, that's what it takes. You are a phone call away. If he calls you after twenty minutes, you will know by his tone and by your gut if something is truly wrong, or if he simply can't (or won't) tolerate fussing for more than three minutes. I have experienced this.

It also cannot hurt to relenquish a bit of control; do not rush to take over every time the baby needs something. I've experienced this too. I know it can be very difficult, but try to back off sometimes and let him handle it. The opportunities present themselves in small ways all the time - learn to recognize them, and take them!

Answer 5

I was once told that if a stay at home mom had a job description it would be as follows.
She is a...
1) live in housekeeper ( house has to stay clean!)
2) Chef (everyone in the home has to eat and you usually cook)
3) Laundromat (amazing how something so tiny creates sooo much laundry, you went from 2-3 loads a week to a load of laundry a day)
4) taxi driver (to the dr, playdates, later preschool, sports, ect)
5) Nurse (mommy knows how to make everything feel better)
6) secretary (taking messages and juggling appointments, kind of amazing how many appts a 6 month old has between drs and playdates)
7)a saint. (lord knows you nearly need the patience of a saint from time to time especially when your 6 month old starts crawling, and you have a puppy too)
I want to say there are more but I can't think of them.
So tell him when he's ready to do at Least 7 full time jobs in one day he'll be ready to understand your day, and tell you that you do 'nothing' all day.


I always realized I was lucky with my hubby cause he does understand how hard my job is (taking care of a 4 year old and a 2 year old and a house, yard, and cat) I have a friend that never gets a day off from the mommy job even when the dad is home he's not much help, where my hubby makes sure I have at Least one day off every month or two even if he has to toss me out of the house. He does understand that it's important that I have time without the kids. He also makes sure that I have at least an hour to myself everyday. and he helps as often as he can when he's home.

Answer 6

Yes I know exactly what you mean. I have a two and a half year old and a four month old, two dogs and a cat. And a husband who thinks I have an easier job than him. When my first son was 7 months i went back to work for a year and he stayed home. He got the easy part, before he could walk and talk. So now he says that if he can do it and stay calm then I should be able to. He didnt have two to care for, didnt get up during the night, didnt breast feed, do house work , cook tea etc. (I still did all that when I was working full time.) I think we should get paid for what we do, its hard work! From someone who has been on both sides of the fence.

Answer 7

you realy need to sit him down and have a long chat, tell him how many nappies you change how many washer loads you do and how many feeds.

ask him why he cant have her for 3 hours while you go shopping or just an hour so you can have a long bath...

say I know you work hard but why dont you try being a mum for a day... give him a challenge...

I work all day while my husband looks after our 13month old and has done so since he was 3months. Its not a womans job its a family thing...

dont let him go away on work until he admits that babies do involve hard work. It took two to make the baby it takes two to look after her, she needs daddy as much as mummy does...

good luck!

Answer 8

Clever one this one.
OK principle complaint - does not see how much work it is and attempts to make him look after her have failed. Attempts to make him perform tasks backfire.

Sit down and think. What is it you exactly want from him? The acknowledgement or help? What do you actually need from him? What, when he is at home, does he need from you? Is he as committed to this baby as you are (if he was not, then this could be part of the problem? Was this child wanted by both of you, in which case, how can he show that, because if it was a joint idea, it is a joint responsibility. How can he give equal commitment to you while on leave, and get the rest and recreation he needs? Can you negotiate on that (negotiation, where each gets something from the situation works better than nagging or confrontation).

Here are some tips to get your feelings across. State the feeling e.g. I feel you do not understand how hard I work. I have difficulty fitting in all my tasks and it makes me tired, so when you make out I am doing nothing much, it makes me feel undervalued and hurt. It's as if I dismiss your work as just playing soldiers all day.

You could do a simple day log of all the things you do in one day, and the time it takes and show him.

If you need him to perform a task now, how about asking him to do it when it needs to be done (prevents prevarication), or when he has finished a task. E.g. I can see you are enjoying yourself on the computer, but I need her nappy changing now because (state why). Could you please go to a save point and do this for me? Or dump baby on lap with changing stuff and say - could you do this for for me I have got to do something (running before has chance to say no)

If he does the prevarication bit, how about pointing out to him how would he feel if every time he asked a mate to do something for him (describe how he behaves to you). What would he think of that friend?

Something else you might point out to him as that usually children do cotton on eventually if one parent can be bothered and the other not. Also, the way we behave to our partners and children form the pattern for our children when they select a partner and become parents in their turn. What sort of parents does he want to be? The sort that only bothers when there is misbehaviour, or the sort that wants their child to know they are valued?

Parenting is hard, it demands thought and care. Too many people are single parents within a marriage or partnership.

Answer 9

I really didn't want to go back to work but glad I did, for some sanity, I was no longer Joseph's mammy but good old me. Get your husband to look after her for a day say you have to do something, from early on like 6.30am a parent course several miles away leave him alist of jobs, ie washing, ironing at nap time, feeding bathing, cleaning, don't get back while late. Bet you he gets some help from his mum make him take the day off work for this, 1 day he'll be glad he goes out to work, expect your tea made when you return and Charlotte bathed and ready for bed, and just generally have a Carmen day whether you spend the day at the shopping cenre or your feet up at a friends!! Oh and if she still wakes in night make sure he gets up as you have a busy day to contend with!!

Answer 10

It is damn hard being a full time mother - I used to get up in the morning and leave the house within half an hour but when you have a baby you have to prepare feeds, clothing, all the things that you need to take and it takes you a good couple of hours and then they start crying or go sick over their clothes, it's no joke. You need plenty of support when you have a baby and I tell you something it can put you off being a parent as your life isn't your own again.