I was all set to leave my husband due to the fact that he mostly treats me and my son badly, He is very controlling and doesnt have any respect for me, we have been married 3 years and I convinced my self that if he loved me enough he would change his ways so not to lose me.
I now realise I was kidding my self and had had enough of walking on egg shells, he is not violent towards me more manipulative
Any way last night we had it all out and he sweetly sat there and managed to convince me he had done no wrong and it was mostly in my head, I actually couldn't even remember why I was so mad with him he just has an answer and excuse for everything!!
I know it will only be a month or so before it starts again but I dont know what to do now shall I forgive him and give it another go?
2007-02-04 21:49:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Princess shah how many last chances can I give him??
2007-02-04 22:12:32 · update #1
i am kinda in the same situation...the relationship can be so perfect or u think its perfect because u dont wanto let the relationship go because your afraid he is the one and that he can change that he really can but the fact of the matter is that he never actually will, ye've been together too long and he's been doin 4 so long that he knows that no matter what he does he can charm his way back... prove him wrong! im sure there somebody out there that will treat u a hell of a lot better. especially even just for ur sons sake wat children see children do u dont want your son to end up treating u like that or in the future his wife
2007-02-04 21:59:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is all about tolerance and real love can overcome whatever forms may try to play havoc towards a better relationship. You seem to be talking about the problems before you and that shows you both want to resolve the negative attitude. However, it seems your hubby is not towing the same line as you, hence you only have one option; bring in a mediator, either an aunt or uncle. The person has to be someone respectful, even your local priest, that is if you are religious.
In the interim, do tell him that you may not all be perfect but nonetheless you both need to respect one another. It sadens me to see your husband enjoying his manipulative ploys towards your son and yourself and he expects you to reciprocate his sexual advances later on, what a pervert!
If he persists and doesn't change, then leave for the sake of your son as children need to be brought up in a loving environment. I'm really touched with what is going on in your life, hope you will resolve this amicably, good luck!
2007-02-05 06:19:21 · answer #2 · answered by marizani 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! I totally understand how u feel. I have the same problem with my husband. he treats me very nicely though. The problem is he is too overprotective of me. he thinks of me as a baby although I'm 23 and he's only 1 year older. he doesn't want me to work, go out by myself or friends or even go to USA to visit my family (I'm in Egypt now) and his reasons are that he cannot bear being away from me for such a long time and he does all that cuz he loves me. I know he does, but I just do not have any sense of self and independence or any privacy. We've been married for a year but I do not know how much longer will I be able to take that. I used to be fully independent and so outgoing before I get married but he's changed that in me. Maybe u should just try to talk to ur husband abt it and tell him what bothers u abt him and ask him to treat u and ur kid better if he really loves u. and yes, some guys are sooooo good in turning things around and making u feel guilty and that u r the bad one not him, my husband always does that
2007-02-05 05:59:30 · answer #3 · answered by Ruby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like an abuser. It's hard to leave abusers because they can be extremely charming and sweet in order to control you better. That's what they do. If they didn't have their sweet moments then they'd never find someone to stick with them so they can abuse em.
He is sick. He needs help and you need to leave him and don't go back until a certified therapist tells you he's ok. Abusers don't get better on their own and he will never change. Actually he will only get worse as you enable him to be a monster by staying. If you want to help him you will demand he get help right away.
I understand the whole "he is always right" thing. My father is like that, you can't argue with him so stop. Don't argue, just leave. IF you really want to get a point across to him then write it down and give it to him so he can't fluster you when you try to speak. It doesn't do any good to argue with a controlling person though. They will never see your point of view. Keep a diary if you have to, so you can remember why you are so upset.
2007-02-05 06:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by Caramella 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set an ultimatium and stick to it! Give him 3-6 months to do a complete turn around if not then you have to leave him. I believe in love so I think you should give him one last chance but make sure it is the last. Sort out what your gonna do if he doesn't find somewhere to live- maybe move back home for a while. Make sure your financially safe, get a job if you haven't got one and make all this clear to him. Then sit back and wait for him to change, if he doesn't then you have to follow through. In the end he'll never change if he doesn't believe you'll leave him. If he's really bad maybe you need to think about a therapist/counsellor or someone.
Good luck, I hope things work out for you either way, remember you survived before him, you can do it again.
2007-02-05 05:59:16 · answer #5 · answered by lauren17 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hi
i would like to start off by saying that i understand what your going through, i was in the same situation i have been married for 6 years and have 2 children, and a manipulative husband. i did not see this happening until last year after i sat down and though long and hard about it, all we seem to do is argue all the time and for some reason i seen to be the one to say sorry, your lucky you have seen this now and not later like i have, i have thought about leaving him so Meany time and found it really heard cos i have kids but after speaking to my family i had so much support and courage to leave cos there is not ending to it all the manipulative and its not healthy for the kids to see that,
i feel it beater to put them through the break up and be happy than to stay and let then see the abuse he put you through and be un happy. now me and the kids could not be any happier. no more being told what to do,wheres and whys and manipulation.
hope that help
2007-02-05 06:17:53 · answer #6 · answered by shelbe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He most definitely does love you but that does not excuse the way he is behaving! You will probably go through this a few times before something clicks inside and you will realise that life is too short! Its not fair on you, your kids and him funnily enough! Whats the point in being with someone you don't really want to be with? If you leave he will be very apologetic, ask you to give him another chance, accept that it was all his fault, he can change, he will change....UNTIL THE NEXT TIME!!! Im not saying leave him, i am just saying that from what you have said you have already decided thats what you want to do, you just have to be brave enough to do it! I won't kid you, it will be tough but if you know thats what you really want then believe me it will be worth it, for everybody!
2007-02-05 06:00:56 · answer #7 · answered by rachel k 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no i wouldnt give him another chance, you've got to think about you and your son. It sounds like hes not going to change so why give him the satisfaction or making him think hes got another chance! U shouldnt feel like your walking on egg shells in your own relationship. id tell him that you want to go on a break and leave him for a couple of weeks to so he knows that you mean business and then it might change the way he is because he knows he going to loose you play hard to get and dont let hin walk all over you. good luck !
2007-02-05 06:42:47 · answer #8 · answered by X 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave, you know it's all going the same way after a period of keeping you sweet. Don't sacrifice your sanity and your sons happiness for a man who only has you because he knows he can control you. If he wants to be in charge of another being, he can get a dog, because that is how he is treating you, like a dog.
2007-02-05 05:55:59 · answer #9 · answered by Smoochy Poochy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go, you know you should, you know your right!! He's done what he does best! He's manipulated you in to thinking that there's nothing wrong its all in your head. Wow he's good, he's very good. Take some control, regain the power and leave. If you dont in 10 years time you will be asking the same old question on answers.
2007-02-05 05:58:06 · answer #10 · answered by simon m 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋