i think my husband is cheating/cheated on me...?

Question

i was just shredding some old letters of my husband when i came to open a note... stating... (these are the actual words)- HI! I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY NOTE =( I'M EXCITED FOR TOMORROW NIGHT TOO! HOPE THE REST OF YOUR DAY IS GOOD. TALK TO YOU TONIGHT. (the girl ended her letter with a heart sign and her name)
i felt a cold chill ran down my spine after reading it! (actually i'm shaking right now...) i think the girl is his office mate. he's a nurse by the way and he works nightshift.

i know my husband very well... i know his style when it comes to having an affair. the problem is, the letter has no name, (his name). he can just simply say that it's not for him... yeah right!as if i'll believe him! i called at his work, and asked operator if the girl was in. but she said that there are two girls who has the same name, and they are working in a different schedule. (not the same with my husband's) what am i going to do? =(

i called him and asked him that he needs to confess something...he just said that he doesn't know what i'm talking about...i said that once i put the phone down you will have no chance of explaining to me... he just told me to put down the phone, which i did... i know that having a divorce isn't that easy. we have a 5yr old boy. i have no work, no money in short...i know that the proof (letter) that i have isn't that strong to be the basis of getting a divorce, but my heart tells me, that what i'm feeling right know is true... you know, female intuition... help me plsss!!!!

the letter has no date... and i think that the letter was given to him probably several months or a year from now. still, it bothers me... oh, by the way, my husband is very smart... when he's having an affair, he tells his partner not to write his name or date or use other names or no name at all! if you're wondering how i know these things, it's because when we were still dating he had another gf in which i know of... that's his 1st gf, i'm just the 2nd... you see, that's why i know his style... i do believe in karma, and some of you may say that what's happening to me is karma... but i don't think so... this is too much...

i don't think if i can find more evidence... my husband's good in lying and destroying evidences... i think god led me in seeing that letter... i hope i can just handle this... i'm so afraid of breaking down right now. i want to go back home to my country... (philippines) i'm so tired... plsss pray for me...

...he told me to shred his stuff... i will not do it if he didn't tell me... he was asking me what was it all about... i don't know if i have to tell him about the letter or not?

i investigated... i found out that the letter was true and my husband had an affair with the girl who wrote the letter, what's shocking was, he cheated on me with two co-workers!!! i my god! i'm really thankful that some of you are praying for me, coz i can feel that HE is here beside me... i don't know where i can get the strength to wake up and see my husband's face in the morning!i have plans on getting a divorce tomorrow asap!the problem is, i'm still going to live here, in this same apartment with my husband!i'm going to leave my question (unresolved) here just in case someone can give me some suggestions about me getting a divorce...thank you all for your opinions and your prayers! =D

Answer 1

Trust your instincts.
I understand how bad you are feeling and I wish I could be of help.
Yes I will pray that Gods will be done, and I hope it turns out you are mistaken, but if by chance you are riht how far will you go to look after yourself?
You are no good to your child if you are all broken up.
If you decide to get out of your relationship, it will take time for the pain to go away.
If you want to stay in spite of your fears and you are unable to heal yourself, it will create a sickness in you.
Will you stay or will you go???
God bless you

Answer 2

My husband planned on cheating with his ex through e-mail, I found the e-mail and who knows if he would have followed through with it or will in the future. From my perspective, I think it is difficult to really know what to do. I never thought he would write the things he did to her, and he swears up and down that he made a mistake and he's sorry, but who knows. I don't know if it will ever be the same, and if we will really even be able to recover. I think women might give their husbands a second try because there might be a chance that they really did just make a mistake and are regretful. However, if it happens again, such as if my husband did this again, there would be no doubt in my mind that our marriage would be over. You know men (and women) can give many reasons and excuses as to why they cheated, or planned to cheat, but it comes down to the reality that we all have a conscious and common sense. We have the choice to go forward with this sort of behavior or not. That is the trouble I am having with my situation, my husband had the choice and he did what he did by his own free will. Its a tough thing to go through.

Answer 3

No wait girl , I know is real hard but before you do anything drastic you need more evidence. Actually that letter is good enough. But I know what you mean that your a stay at home mom without a job and not even money, makes you feel awful no were to fall too. But take it easy, save that letter, dont show it to him, but talk to him tell him how you feel and that u got a feeling hes been doing something hes not suppose too. He'll talk to you of coarse he wont say or denie that he had an affair. But just keep your eyes open and control your emotions dont lose. Wait until you find anymore evidence and thats IF hes having or had an affair dont jump into conclusions either. But keep your eyes open girl and good luck.

Answer 4

1 calm down, is there a date on the note? if not you have circumstantial evidence at best.
2 search for condoms, more notes, photo's, no. in the cell phone, emails,...snoop the hell out of his info...ALL of it. As long as you can do it...
3 DON'T call his work. DON'T tell him anything yet...you have nothing to go into a logical discussion with...he'll play it off like your over reacting.
4. Start using condoms with him when having sex, aids kills...just in case.
5. Casually fish for info about what he's doing while at work from, friends, co workers etc.. you know personally and won't think much of a comment here or there
6 Don't tell him anything...I said it twice because it is twice as important...
7. Be Patient, a cheater is usually good at what s/he does. It can take a yr or two to get the evidence you need to flush him out and get a divorce...
8 Expect denial even if you have video graphic images, by the way check the video camera...

Answer 5

Ok. your over reacting. "hi im still waiting for that report. I can't wait to go to the new restaurant tomorrow night! I heard it is great! Hope you have a good day. Talk to you tonight at the meeting." can also translate into "Hi. I'm still waiting for my note. (i'm excited about tommorrow night to! Hope the rest of your day is good. Talk to you tonight." and alot of girls end their letters with a sign. I also end it with a heart.

o you say you know his style when it comes to an affair? has he had an affair before? You aren't including something. and so waht if he is smart? maybe he knows her handwrititng beacuse she amy have written him another note. or amybe a report. confront him.

by the way, the younger the age, the less they understand what is happening. so don't use your son as an excuse!

Answer 6

Well, i'm telling you- your intuition is right,dear.
Your husband is a liar & a great pretender as well. He's done it when you were still sweethearts, how much more now that you're married and i bet he'll keep on doing it over & over again 'til you get fed up & pissed off.
Dont let that happen.Dont let him ruin your life. Gather up your senses & plan for your next big step.
Look for a job. Then, when you're stable enough to stand on your own feet- decide if you'll leave him or you'll work it out.
Sister, right now you are shaking but tomorrow you'll be fine so don't get carried away by your intense emotion. Keep your poise.
Best of Luck!

Answer 7

Since there is no date on the note, he may have had this for a very longtime. You could be getting yourself all upset over nothing at all.

I'd confront him with the note, and since there's no date and name on it you basically have nothing that would lend credence to his possible cheating.

Women often have these "women's intuition" ideas, which many people believe are the god's given truth, when in all actuality is about as ridiculous a thought as one could have.

When i was in the military I had several female subordinates, and my wife was obsessed with the fact that i was having affairs with one or more of them cause i was on duty with them.

I was never able to convince her otherwise. I eventually divorced her simply because of her constantly accusing me of having or wanting to have an affair with these women.

Until you have proof positive of an affair taking place, it might be best if you keep your mouth shut, or else if you can't do this, why not just pack your bags and git.

Answer 8

well i am a filipina and im also married. is your husband an american or filipino?
if you feel that he is having extra marita affair, do not ask until you have stong evidences of him doing it. letter is just a small evidence, why not try to caught him by your own eye because that will be a good proof that he is really having another woman.
by the way i understand what you are going through because i am also a woman. if he loves you he will stop the relationship with that woman and please try to be strong. as a woman we should be strong and we need to help our own self. try to stand on your own by looking for a job and show your husband that you and your kid can live without him. see how he will react. i know you need a person you can talk to,just pray and ask for His guidance.
Take Care & God bless!

Answer 9

save the note in a bank deposit box...just in case for later...put a stickie note on it with the date.

when he comes home, check out his clothes...save his boxers for a possible dna test.

If you don't have kids, see if you can snoop around his office to see what's going on. Tell him you couldn't sleep, and made some brownies...bring him some. Check out his reactions down to the smallest slightest cheeck twitch if a female is nearby. Find out her name. Chat it up.

Take notes when you get back to your car...for your safe deposit box.

Then go from there...hire an investigator if you have to and if and when you have the evidence, let your husband know. Go from there.

Wish you the best. All men like to flirt and female co-workers too. Possibly start pushing him to get the day job or go looking for one for him at another hospital if he keeps saying there aren't any job openings...but check for yourself. This might give you a clue too. It could be harmless, but who knows, it may turn into something more? Sorta human nature, but it depends upon how his strong his morals are....at least her note says "I'm still waiting for my note!" i.e. meaning....he wasn't in a big hurry to write back, which is a good sign.

Possibly bring the subject up that you've got a friend at work who keeps getting "hit on" and she doesn't know how to stop this...and ask him what he would do in that situation. See if he squirms or if he's able to be honest and open.

I wish you the best though. I really do.

Answer 10

When I suspected the 1st husband of having an affair, I started paying attention to a lot of things. First I used to press redial on the phone whenever I'd come home and the other woman would answer. Or I'd press *69 and her number would be the last one dialed (he'd come home before I would come home from work), I looked in drawers, briefcases, glove compartment in his car, messed with his email until I figured out his password, I would follow him when he left the house, and I found out everything I needed to know in a very short time and I left him and now I'm VERY happy to be away from him!

Answer 11

it seems to me that he may have cheated or still is, but b4 you go accusing do more investigating b4 you ruin something good for nothing. always trust our womanly intuition so there maybe a strong possibility that he is hiding something from you. act as if its not bothering you and wait it out because if you go looking for something you will find it but it may hurt so just wait and he will slip up and get caught off guard, trust me i been there b4. remember there's 6 degrees of separation somebody knows somebody that knows, you will find out by someone. its a reason why he still have that letter around and that he wants you to shred things. this should be a lesson learned to you, get a job for the sake of your child you never know what will happen, always have a back up plan. he will use that as a way to keep you and do his dirt, because he the bread winner and he know you depend on him. GOOD LUCK