Back stabbing in office.?

Question

I need help here. sorry I put this question in the wrong segment/category. my situaiton: all the while doing ok. new ceo is coming, yet the transitional period really killing. everybody uncertains and in the uncertainties, got backstabbed. really hit by it. project swooped away by subordinate and been treated like dirt. the acting is insecure, minority, back stabber and a complete pretender. Help...need the job, what to do?

Answer 1

First, I feel for you. After my own excruciating run-ins with passive aggressives and backstabbers in my own jobs, I know that few things are more emotionally draining to deal with at work. My old boss who shouted swear words on the phone in his office every day was a pussycat compared to the quiet, “nice” backstabber who made her rounds spreading gossip and jockeying for position. It’s a sickening, frustrating, powerless feeling to work with someone like that.

If the backstabber reports directly to you, I agree with Zether that firing may be the way to go. I have yet to meet or hear of a reformed backstabber, otherwise I might suggest working with the person to resolve any underlying issues. But that simply does not work with passive aggressives. They are either too afraid of the conflict, or they are actively getting off on making you crazy. Ask your HR dept. for specifics about what is actionable, and how to proceed. They may also have specific suggestions for dealing with this personality type. If it helps, remind yourself that backstabbers are bad for general company morale. So dealing with this person is good for the group, not just you.

At the very least, take the initiative to document the incident for your own records with all the specifics you can recall (and possibly explanations for an outside reader about how the backstabber’s behavior deviated from what is appropriate). Not to scare you, but any new boss above you will probably be expecting you to perform hands-on training/discipline if you are the manager. It won’t reflect well on you to let a subordinate undermine you, so the risk of taking on the offender is probably less overall than letting your new boss see you as a weak manager.

Whatever you do, do NOT get into a he-said, she-said argument with the offender about what is true or not. This person probably has decades of experience at being manipulative, sneaky, and underhanded without getting caught. Meanwhile, you have probably been training yourself to be as honest, reasonable, and solution-oriented as possible. It is a match made in hell. Do NOT let the backstabber set the ground rules of the discussion, and be prepared to keep it on the track you determined ahead of time. State your issue with them, the behaviors you will and will not tolerate, and your expectations for the future. And as hypocritical as it may feel, until the person leaves the company (hopefully soon), maintain a positive façade and try to find ways to help them feel valued and secure in their position. They will almost undoubtedly continue their ugly tricks, but you at least will get points for being fair and reasonable.

This site has info you may find extremely validating/helpful: http://healthresources.caremark.com/topic/passagg.

Finally, evaluate your own performance and areas for improvement, and develop your allies. Backstabbers have a knack for picking victims they sense they can get away with bullying. It may be enough to simply stand him or her down and let them know you will not be any easy target, but having people in your corner is vital if the backstabber begins a slander campaign against you. Do you feel confident in your work? Are you proud of what you do, and believe you make a real difference for the company? Do others know about your talents?

On a personal note, at my first “real” job out of college, I dealt with a woman who caused me so much turmoil that I had anxiety attacks and insomnia. She would “forget” to pass on vital information, or “forget” some task she knew our high-strung boss would blame both of us for. She outright lied in ways that made me look bad in meetings with our boss, and she lied to the therapist we ended up seeing for one horrible session (a surreal and insane situation!). She sabotaged major events and interactions with important clients, and yet with all of that (and more), she still succeeded in painting ME as the bad guy. The worst was when friends of hers in our building who had previously been nice to me started turning the other way when they saw me coming. In retrospect, I think it was all a game to her, and a way for her to express her resentment about being a secretary in a university setting where status was everything. (I sympathized with her point of view, and saw myself in a similar boat, but I think looking back that she may have felt threatened by the fact that my position was one rung “higher” than hers, and I genuinely wanted to do a good job, while she just wanted to coast.)

If all of this seems off the point, it’s to say there IS a silver lining. I now believe that if I’d walked into that job with more confidence in what I had to offer, and more knowledge of passive aggressives, she might have been too intimidated to go after me in such a concerted way. Remember, backstabbers like to do their dirty work sneakily, behind the scenes. Like roaches, they run from the light. Before I left that job, I successfully confronted her, and had the satisfaction of seeing her usual smirk replaced by something that might even have been a hint of respect. And in my next job, I vowed I would never go through that again. So when the resident backstabber there reported an unflattering (and incorrect) statement about me to my new boss, I told the boss in no uncertain terms that her words not only were NOT true, but that I knew the value of my work, and would not tolerate a working environment where staff were allowed to lie and snitch about each other. [I truly believe it’s the bosses who are responsible for allowing this kind of ugly behavior to flourish.] Although that girl continued to slander me and others, I went on to be promoted and receive a $16,000 pay increase within my first year at that company! So there is hope! Something changed, and I think it was my confidence, my hard-won knowledge of passive aggressives’ tricks, and my refusal to be bullied.

My advice is to 1) get your work in order so you know you have nothing to fear from a reasonable new boss, and you don’t feel as threatened by the backstabber’s attempts to undermine you, 2) be clear with the backstabber about your boundaries, using specific techniques and tips about how to deal with passive aggressives, and 3)—as scary as this may sound—get your finances in order so you don’t feel so afraid of the unknown. Your mental health and job satisfaction come first, and you have to be willing to do what’s necessary to guarantee that. If the powers that be in your company or the new CEO do not choose to create a positive work environment with a no-tolerance policy for the backstabber’s type of behavior, trust that you can find greener pastures elsewhere. I wish you good luck and many positive, helpful coworkers!

Answer 2

Cover all your bases....
Update resume and start putting out feelers (you don't have to take anything but a bird in the bush might come in handy).
Get into "Fox" mode, be sly and keep your head low, come out of your den fast take care of business and right back in.
Goes around, comes around, somebody in your life needs to learn this lessen, your turn to to do some back stabbing.

Answer 3

Put up with the treatment and watch your back. If you seriously cant handle it then find another job, no job is worth vexing your soul!

Answer 4

fire the subordinate i guess, i don't know

Answer 5

fire them all. get a new crew